Wednesday, April 24, 2019

SQUASH IS NOT OLYMPIC


If I weren’t a life-long passionate squash player, not really caring about the sport in any sense or form, and looking at this from the outside in, the perpetual pooh-poohing the sport of squash receives from the IOC would be moderately comical. But since I am a life-long passionate squash player, this unending rejection is not just infuriating and humiliating, it’s not just indefensible, it’s not just incomprehensibly dumbfounding, it’s gone beyond the realms of ridiculousness, gone full circle and into what I can only describe in two simple letters: BS.

In another case of here-we-go-again, reliving the same familiar déjà vu, squash has – again – missed out on a spot onto the Olympic program for the 2024 Games that will be held in Paris. It’s not that this kick in the teeth is bad enough – because it is – but it’s also what was chosen in favor of squash (and all other competing sports) to be deemed more worthy of future Olympic glory.

Want to take a guess as to what apparently reigned supreme over all others? If you said ‘E-Sports’ (Video Games) – you’d be wrong. Although this one would be more understandable considering the flabbergasting amount of money that is involved in the industry. Since the IOC has included “sports” onto their platform such as Skateboarding and Sport Climbing, it’s entirely clear that the criteria required for being considered deserving for inclusion have nothing to do with the sport’s actual athleticism, or how global it is, or its gender equality, but their marketability and their financial capability – or better put: profitability. (That being said, I’m a tad surprised the IOC hasn’t made an exception and included E-Sports anyway).

It keeps on coming back to the dollars. What added value will the new sport give back to the Olympics? Which doesn’t make swallowing this bitter pill any easier, because for the life of me the neurons in my brain go on the fritz when I try to figure out how Breakdancing – yes, friggin’ Breakdancing – was the cream of the crop that rose to the pinnacle and got the Olympic nod.

I didn’t even know this was a sport. (Which, naturally, brings into question, what exactly does the IOC think constitutes a sport but that’s a separate debate in itself.) Nonetheless, since I was unfamiliar with how Breakdancing would work in an Olympic competition, the googled explanation is as follows:

“The competitions, meanwhile, would be referred to as “battles” and feature dancers taking turns performing dance moves and spins on the floor. Each routine would be graded, the organizers said, on criteria “such as technique, variety, performance, musicality, creativity and personality.”

Yep. Olympic. Looks like one trying to fall down stairs with grace.
Here is a sample of some future Olympians . You can make your own determination on the attractiveness of this and whether it should be included over squash. To be honest, breakdancing looks somewhat difficult, and there is some level of fitness / athleticism required to do it well I imagine. But – and you can guess I am asking this with all the repulsive sarcasm I can muster - is a 3-minute dance “battle” on par with the fitness requirements of a professional squash match? Ask Paul Coll what he thinks. Is it more deserving than Ali Farag? Mohammed El Shorbagy? Raneem El Welily? Nour El Sherbini? … Travesty doesn’t even begin to describe this. It’s sheer and unmitigated BS.

So incensed at the decision, former world number one Nick Matthew is calling for the World Squash Federation to sue the IOC. After all, when Skateboarding was accepted, it didn’t even have a national governing body, something – one would imagine – would be an important feature that any sport should have if it were to, you know, be thrust into Olympic stardom for example. Squash meet all the criteria that the IOC itself has laid out (and then some) yet it keeps on getting ignored.

I think taking legal action is an extreme and unnecessary response and no doubt would be a colossal waste of money for a law suit that we would have zero chance of succeeding. In fact – and I have mentioned this before – I don’t think squash should bother anymore. I think squash missed its opportunity years ago. Is it now - for what the IOC is looking for - actually too athletic? Too difficult? The speed, fitness, and length of rallies simply too much for the average viewer to handle? Unless you are a squash fanatic, if you are constantly watching points that go on for 90 seconds or so, it’s easy to lose interest. Things aren’t changing fast enough. The score edges up ever so slowly. Too many ‘lets’. Squash is not a sport that if you are not familiar with it, you would sit down and watch it to figure it out – that would take some brain power and time. Who has the energy for that?

But Sport Climbing? Watch the clip and whether you do this or not, or have even ever seen it before, it’s more than obvious the objective, and a winner is determined in about 6 seconds. No need to think, no effort to watch. Just about enough time before someone flips the channel. But a 2 minute squash rally? I can make a cup of coffee during that time and still come to see the end of it. Sport Climbing is perfect for the current Olympic viewership and this is the direction the Olympics is trending towards.

The Olympics is turning more into a circus every 4 years, is determined to look more ‘hip’ and ‘urban’ rather than keep a laser focus on celebrating the best athletes in the world in sports that are actually… sports. The new disciplines that are being included look to be chosen based on trendiness, youth appeal, and how to keep an audience with the attention span of a gnat engaged. Breakdancing has “athletes” (I choke just typing that) that “compete” in baggy tracksuits or street clothes and baseball caps, they seem to use idiotic, misspelt pseudonyms instead of their real names, and aims for the highest ‘cool’ factor possible – or if you are on the other side of the argument, the highest ‘douche’ factor. But if that is what the spectators want, then squash is further away now from becoming Olympic than ever before.



The Olympics has lost that flawless sheen that it once owned as the ultimate pinnacle in all of sports: winning a Gold Medal. In its selfish interest of money and corruption, it’s now trying to polish… BS. And then sell it off as the highest bar that all sports need to achieve. It’s not. Not anymore. Squash is too good for the Olympics.

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