DESTINATION TOLEDO

Toledo Tournament – Feb 27 – Mar1

As the winter trudges along and we all start to dream of an end to the freezing temperatures, thoughts start wandering towards the south and greener pastures… We need to getaway, refresh… Well! Look no further! I have the perfect solution to your snowy doldrums!

Destination Toledo! Yes – only 50 miles south of Detroit, you can have the time of your life in the heart of Mud Hen Town. You won’t find sandy beaches, you won’t find magnificent scenery, you won’t encounter any exotic wild life (unless you count the locals), nor will you find better weather (it may even be worse!), in fact, you won’t find much of anything in this city that wonders with disdain why it was placed on the Ohio side of the border. But, what you will find - which makes up for everything else - is the Toledo Club and their annual squash tournament!

Come and enjoy the incredible service of John Seidel and his band of merry men as they pamper you with beer, squash, beer, beer, some more squash, some food, beer, and a couple of models that will serve you more beer, a party, beer, a dinner, the Haka, beer, and if you are still standing by Sunday morning, some more squash. And beer.

The Toledo Squash Classic is a weekend to relish! Explore the in-built maze as you try to figure out how to even get to the courts from the main entrance hall! Gaze at wonderment at the eye-catching waitresses as they re-fill your beer cup! Wrap your head around at how to play squash on courts that were originally constructed for smurfs! Witness the native tribal dance of New Zealand performed topless by one of the pros during the Saturday night festivities! Make new friends! Drink more beer! Yes! This is an experience that you simply cannot pass up!!

Read all the information on the poster above to see how to enter. There is even a category for novices, and hardball singles. I will be going and it would be awesome to see a healthy group of DAC members join me. It’s easy to get to. It’s not far. It’s a great fun weekend with emphasis on socializing. Entry deadline is February 20, so hurry up to secure your spot!

A TOUGH SLOG IN TOLEDO

Toledo Open Mar 7-9

The DAC had a little better representation at this year’s Toledo Open. Compared to our sole player in 2013, we had 4 members (plus myself) make the trip this time. Unfortunately, none of us could really get our racquets working the way we would have liked.

As you know, the Toledo courts are narrower and that throws off your timing quite considerably. This is the 10^th time I have made the trip and after his weekend I am convinced that I am getting worse rather than better with being able to understand the tactic and find my rhythm quicker. Even though I won my first 2 matches 3-0, I was never totally comfortable. And that came shining through in the final against Windsor’s pro Graeme Williams. In the end, all Graeme had to do was keep the ball within the boundaries of the red lines. He was guaranteed I was able to take care of the rest. If you can’t keep the ball out of the middle, or the tin, you can’t win. I accommodated Graeme perfectly. I lost 3-1 in the final, did not deserve to win. He was clearly the better player here.

Peter Logan copied me pretty much in every way. In the 50+ division, he also won his first 2 matches 3-0 and then lost 3-1 in the final. Speaking to him afterwards, it appeared that his “hit-the-ball-to-the-T” ploy worked for him about as much as it worked for me - not at all. Alan Howard was bounced out of the 60+ division early on too, and he very much struggled with his local opponent who served lobs that missed hitting the ceiling by an inch every time, then would die on the back wall. Even I was jealous of those serves. Alan’s length for the match was worse than Pete’s and mine!

Justin Winkelman lost his second round in the C draw, and probably played the best from all of us. His opponent was tough, but Justin made him earn the victory. Josh Slominski was also in the C draw and won his first 2 matches before going down 3-0 in the quarter final to Dan Petoran of Windsor. Dan is big fellow, which makes it tougher to get in front of him on the narrow courts. He also hits it rather hard which made controlling a tight length more difficult. Josh also battled like the rest of us to be consistent enough in order to put Dan under more pressure. It proved to be very easy this weekend to spray the ball, miss-hit the ball, hit the 2 inch lower tin, and relentlessly crowd oneself.

It’s hardly an excuse. Our opponents were on the same court as us, and they adapted better. Despite all that, we’ll be doing it again next year in the never ending pursuit of figuring out how to play squash on courts designed for smurfs.

Ray Lindsay demonstrating the "Haka". 

Socially, this is one of the best tournaments around. While there weren’t any stand-out moments during the weekend that could be called legendary, the most entertaining segment came during the Saturday night dinner. It is a tradition that New Zealand native and Cleveland pro Ray Lindsay perform the “Haka” dance in front of the crowd, standing on a table with his shirt off. Before his ritual, Ray insisted that fellow pros Scott Denne and Drew Williams tell a joke each for the audience. Scott wasted no time an immediately rolled off a couple of rip-snorters leaving the non-conservatives in hysterics and the more conservative amongst us wishing they could un-hear what they just heard. Drew then strolled up to the microphone and in 3 lines managed to make Scott’s jokes sound like a Sunday morning sermon. Once everyone regained their senses, Ray did his thing, belted out his war dance and then we all left for the party until the wee hours of the morning.

A huge thank you to the Toledo Club for their always top class hospitality, especially their pro John Seidel who for some reason allows us to come back year after year. Looking forward to 2015!

FAIRY TALE WEEKEND

Toledo Tournament Mar 7-9

Once upon a time in a not-so-magical land that wasn’t that far away called “Toledo” (pronounced “Tuh-Lee-Doe”) there was this gentle man who had a very strange job. He was a “Squash Pro” (pronounced “Skwash”). He wasn’t a giant that lived on top of a beanstalk, or someone who lived in a shoe, nor was he a big green Ogre living in a swamp (although that is debatable), he was simply a lonely fellow who wanted to see if there were other “Squash” players around. His name was John.

 

So he decided to run a tournament of sorts. Not a jousting event, or archery, but for other racquet wielding souls looking for a weekend of joyous celebration. And thus, the Toledo Squash Tournament was born. That was over 20 years ago and it has turned into an annual ritual for many a wanderer, myself included.

It is not an arduous trek to find Toledo, unless the weather turns nasty - which the way things have been lately could be something to watch out for - nor is there a moat full of gators around the castle that is justly branded “The Toledo Club” where one can find the rare entity of gathering squash players and their courts of competition.

You won’t find a golden goose laying golden eggs here, but you will find a bewitching fountain of golden liquid (much like we have at the DAC Classic!) that does have an enchanting spell when  consumed. Amongst these folk, it is called “Beer” (pronounced “Bee-Err” or if you are from my edge of the world, “Bee-A”) and John doubles the mystical powers of this ‘beer’ by having a couple of princesses glide around the establishment serving the contestants, enhancing the rapture of its effects.

For the battle weary, if one manages to win their bouts in the squash arena - which for the uninitiated are made even more difficult to play on because the clever John made them smaller than what we are all used to, to give his home heroes and champions the advantage over the travelers - the reward is a lovely trophy (pronounced “Tro-Fee”) that one can display with pride on their return to their humble domicile.

The jubilation of such a weekend can only be truly appreciated if you go. John welcomes all visitors from all lands with open arms and some of that hoodoo brew called ‘beer’, the only requirement is that you enjoy yourself. I think we could all do that. And, as the fable of the Toledo Squash Open continues year after year, we all can live happily ever after.

The End.

Before you go, click on the above poster for all the details on how to notify John to enter yourself. And into which category. And if you need a place to rest your weary head once night falls. 

TOLEDO RISES TO THE OCCASION

Toledo Tournament – Mar 1-3

I’ll toot the same ol’ horn again, with the same scratchy tune: Why don’t more members experience this tournament? I’m frankly shocked since it really couldn’t be easier. The social life is great, it’s easy to get to, and the beer is from the same never-ending well as ours from the DAC Classic. What more could you ask for?

This squash tournament truly is about the camaraderie. Not the squash. Oh, we play that too, but the emphasis is shifted to the off-court activities. So much so, that often the on-court activities take a severe beating. Players suffer in their performances. You can blame the pygmy courts all you like where even hitting on your own you feel like you want to call an interference let on yourself, but truth be told, we are all in the same boat (or mini-raft) and going to bed at 4am the night before isn’t exactly conducive to the perfect match preparation.

Peter Logan represented us in the hardball A (singles) – a trip he has been making annually for at least 25 years now. A 3-1 winner in his first round where he played Andy Effler of the Effler plague, (I’m sure there’s a separate phone book in Toledo with the heading “The Efflers”), Andy must have felt like he was playing on gigantic courts. Why? Because he lives in Columbus where his club down there has courts 15 ½ feet wide.  That’s 3 feet narrower than Toledo’s. How do you play… what on earth… who thought… errrr, what? Do they play with table-tennis paddles? Peter then moved on to face John Seidel – the Toledo squash pro. He lost 3-0, but it was a tight 3-0, and he can take consolation in the fact that John went on to win the division. At least he lost to the winner.

I played the Open and had a relatively easy time of it this year. 3-0 matches all the way through, a couple of my opponents fell victim to preparing themselves for matches with excessive amber liquid intake. I’m not talking about Gatorade or 5-hour energy either.

As usual, the beer girls on Friday night did a superb job. It was a delightful evening as the players just hung out at the club after the matches drinking and chatting away. We eventually moved into the hospitality suite – a room set up for the Open players and their guests to extend the night as far as their bodies allow. Some of the bodies couldn’t keep up, as one of the (women) players decided to pull up a piece of carpet in the middle of the group, fall asleep, let another player clean their feet and then insert olives between her toes. Guess it goes well with cheese. I’m not sure if the olives were devoured – or if they used in the next round of martinis.

Saturday evening is the big formal dinner. Once the speeches were over, it has become customary for one of the pro players - Ray Lindsay from Cleveland – to perform the Haka in front of the crowd. The Haka is a tribal war dance from the Maoris in New Zealand. I’m sure Ray hates it and loves it at the same time, but it didn’t take much convincing for him to take his shirt off, jump on a dinner table and stomp and chant his way to a standing ovation. He almost put holes in the table. After dinner is the annual ‘Spring Fling’ party with live band. We generally hang out for a while before moving onto other venues. It my case, the other venue was bed (I was playing the next day), for others it was to the local watering holes. One of the establishments, I’m told, was a seedy bar that hosted another live band that made thrash metal sound like lullabies. The ‘mosh pit’ was borderline suicidal. Good times. Good times.

And you should all join in on those good times. Do it next year. Join me (and Peter Logan!) and start making this a trip not to pass up.

THE TOLEDO (PARTY) SQUASH CLASSIC

Two weeks after you have flushed all the beer from your veins from the DAC Classic, it is time to refill yourself with a weekend trip to Toledo! There is nothing like following up a long weekend playing squash and drinking with a long weekend playing squash and drinking. And it’s only an hour away. I’ll be hanging out all weekend working on my partying squash and be trying to out- drink play my opponents.

One of the biggest attractions of this event are the beer-servers on the Friday night. They do a magnificent job making sure you never see the bottom of your beer cup. I realize it’s a little sexist – after all, the models are for the guys – so for all the ladies who would like come, I am sure as the night wears on you could ask some of the male participants to serve you. They’ll be falling over themselves to accommodate. Word of warning though – careful what you wish for!

Since the main focus of the trip is drinking playing squash, there are numerous categories to choose from. All categories are mixed. The age groups: 40+; 50+; 60+. Levels: A (5.5 and up); B (4.5 – 5.5); C (3.5 – 4.5); D (2.5 – 3.5); Hardball singles A/B; and E/novice (self-explanatory!). I will be playing in the Open category, an invite 8-man event. The organizer – Jon Seidel – invites 8 pros out every year to complete for booze pride and more booze trophies. I must say, he is the ultimate host.

Now the catch. Their infamous courts. When you arrive at the Toledo Club, make sure you bring the following: A map. A compass. Extra food and water. A flare. Overnight provisions. A will. A GPS device. Deep in the dungeon of the Toledo Club you will find a keg 5 squash courts. People have been known to get lost and never seen again while on the search for these courts. (Rumors have it that that is really what happened to Rob Welsh, our long-lost member who played a couple of years ago and hasn’t been seen since.) I am sure there are a few skeletons in the closet throughout the bowels of the building (literally!). Best bet is to follow your senses – the smell of beer sound of the squash ball will get you there…

Once you find your way, the keg squash courts are those small white boxes lined up – you may think to yourself that you have grown a foot and half during your arduous downward trek, or you have ventured into the land of Lilliput, but that’s actually not the case. The Toledo courts are in fact smaller – 2 and a half feet narrower than what you will be used to. It’s an experience to play on – and a challenge you should relish. It will take a lot of booze practice to get comfortable, so make sure you stay drunk relaxed and enjoy the drinking squash.

Check out the poster for all the details – including special price on a tournament hotel which is less than 5 minutes from the club. So join me for a weekend of great social fun. It’s a perfect way to work on your squash drinking.

NO EXCUSES FOR THE TOLEDO TOURNAMENT

Oh boy. I can think of multiple factors, explanations, justifications, anything to help me stomach the nasty taste of a beat down. However, there is no excuse. There never is. Age, injuries, fitness: it all means squat once you are on the court. Especially on the Toledo courts. A claustrophobic causing coffin-like mini version of the real thing that even after entering this event for the 8^th time I cannot for the life of me figure out how to play on them. But it’s the same for my opponents as it is for me. No excuse.

I lost the semi final 3-0 to a 22 year old ‘child’ from Canada. No disrespect intended to Tom Brinkman – he is a fine young fellow, ranked 147 in the world, and could reach both side walls of the court when yawning. I was outplayed by a steadier opponent on the day – no excuse. I will need to work harder if I want to compete with these guys in the future. I cannot expect to be able to if I don’t. Simple reality that may sound very familiar to many of you.

The DAC had unfortunately minimal representation for this event. Peter Logan made the trip – as he does every year. In fact, flipping through their tournament magazine, I found Peter’s name in the winner’s column waaaay back in 1987 (I think) – for the C draw! Sheesh! I was a child back then… Peter’s tournament form this year has been deficient. Not from lack of playing, he just hasn’t been able to hit the clean ball when it counts. And these courts certainly are not the remedy for bad form either. Peter bowed out relatively early in both of his events.

Our other delegate was Alan Howard who played the D draw and the 60+. It was Alan’s first trip to Toledo and he was jolly glad he made the effort. Not just for the squash – where he reached the final of the 60+ but went down 3-0, but he made the most of the hospitality too. Alan was carrying an injury over the weekend but nursed his way through very respectably – again, no excuse. I’m sure the beer numbed the discomfort anyway!

The event is well known – probably more so – for the socializing. As usual, the attraction of the models that refill your beer cups on Friday night kept us all awake and not pay any attention at all to the squash going on, and the Saturday night party always seem to create some type of head-shaking, snickering, “what-were-they-thinking” moments. Names have been removed to protect the guilty, but here were some stand-outs:

• The guy who was physically attacked at a local bar on Friday, was punched and bloodied before the bouncers blamed him for the incident and roughly escorted him out of the establishment although he didn’t even throw one fist. They escorted the instigator through the back door – a girl. 
• The guy who even though has a body skinnier than mine and tan whiter than an albino polar bear, decided to “dirty dance” during the Saturday night shin-dig topless for at least 10 minutes. It was caught on camera and now threatens to be released to the world. The parties are negotiating! It was not pretty, but it was hilarious. 
• The guy who passed out in the bar at 2pm Saturday before his match, but still managed to win. I am not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted!

It was another weekend full of squash and fun. Pity we had only has 2 members make the trip, we’ll keep on trying to build the numbers. Just ask Alan – he certainly doesn’t regret making the effort. Nor will you!

TAKING YOUR TALENTS TO TOLEDO

Toledo Tournament – Mar 2-4

Once the hangover from the DAC classic has subsided, the perfect follow-up is to repeat the adventure on the road – in Toledo. It’s a measly 60 miles down the I-75, not that far that it’s too long a journey and not too close either so it’s a good excuse to overnight. It’s time to start working on those ‘hall-passes’!

This event has its own unique attraction. Mainly because the squash courts are tiny. At two-and-a-half feet narrower than regulation, it will make you feel like Gigantor with the feeling you could reach any ball at any time. But beware! The change in size comes with changes of angle and ball approach and it is extremely easy to be out of position and stuck behind your opponent. You will have to adapt accordingly.

Naturally this gives the Toledoen a huge advantage. But luckily this event is not just about the squash. On the contrary – it’s more about the social side. Beer chicks serve you on the Friday, and a big party on the Saturday night guarantees you won’t be leaving this Detroit-wanna-be city unhappy. And I don’t want to give you the wrong idea – it’s not impossible to win your category. Peter Logan and Anthony Fracchia have pulled it off in years past.

So click on the above tournament poster for all the pertinent information and details about the tournament hotel which is only a couple minutes drive from the Toledo Club. Join me for a weekend of intermingling, squash, beer, camaraderie, and important tournament experience.

THE TOLEDO SQUASH PARTY

This year’s Toledo Squash Open will leave me with some strong images. Some of them terrific, some of them a little dubious and a couple of them that I want to grab a rusty spoon and with it gouge out my short term memory.

We’ll start out with the memories I will want to savor and have no issues reminiscing with you. The squash is always a safe place to start. Keep in mind that these courts are the skinny version and are slightly larger than a box of matches. Three DAC members made the trip. Robert Welch had such a good time last year, he made the effort again. Considering he is still recovering from major shoulder surgery back in October, it was an admirable effort. He entered the D draw where he drew a local fellow who had mastered the art of dropping the ball in the back corner with barely a whisper of a bounce. Robert struggled and was frustrated to lose 3-0. Inadvertently, he also entered the 50+ category. Unaware that some of the players in this draw are actually A standard players, Robert hopped on court with ex-pro Gul Khan, one of the Khans from the famous Pakistan Squash Khan (Jahangir) family. Gul was very friendly with Robert, and Robert stepped up his game considerably in return. He earned many points, played very well, and although the 3-0 loss was inevitable, at was an invaluable learning experience.

Without have a clue how, Peter Logan ended up in 3 categories. He played the A draw, where he lost first round to one of the thirty-seven Effler brothers in 5 games, he played the Hardball Singles A/B draw where he lost first round to Brad Hanebury of London, and he played the 50+ draw where he had a lot more success. After beating Gul Khan, he played the final against one of his good buddies but squash nemeses Rob Graves from Franklin. These two go back and forth constantly and as luck would have it, it was Peter’s turn this time around. He took the match 3-1. [Picture: Rob Graves and Peter Logan]

James Van Dyke also entered 3 categories. Two were squash, and one was drinking. The squash wasn’t quite as successful as his third division where he divided and conquered his opposition with charm and wit, but nonetheless he did have a few nice tough matches. He lost first round of the B division (where he was stepping up) and in the C bracket he won his first before losing his second. I will give a special mention to non-member – but a definite prospect – Brian Ellison. Brian also played the DAC Classic, and accompanied James this weekend for the Toledo adventure. A fine gentleman, we worked hard on him to join the club and may find that he soon will be part of our squash family.

I also played the tournament in the invite pro event. For the third year running I reached the final against Cleveland Tavern Club pro/manager Ian Sly. And for the third year running I was fortunate enough to be the first player to win 3 games. Ian won the first game after a long hard-hitting battle 12-10, and then I decided to change tactics and use the front of the court a lot more for the next three games. Ian had trouble coping when stretched short and I took those 3 games relatively comfortably. [Pictured - Me and Ian after the final... guess who won!]

Everyone is fully aware that the Toledo tournament hires models to serve the Friday night beer. Without appearing to drool over my keyboard too much, it was obvious by the attached photo that the serving talent was once again spot on. Robert Welch (somebody had to do it!) was kind enough to pose with them.

I am sure you are wondering just what type of impression etched on my brain would encourage me to reach for a corroded kitchen utensil. Leaving out names to protect the innocent… The pros overnight in one of five hotel rooms at the Toledo Club. The lack of space forces many of us to share a room. While this accommodation isn’t inconvenient to any of us (on the contrary, we appreciate the red carpet rolled out for us by the tournament organization committee and John Seidel especially), having 5 to room can be, at times, a little… narrow. The human body is a wonderfully complex organism inside and out. Beauty of this organism is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Seeing the human body in all its glory can be fascinating depending on its shape, size, position, and in some instances, it can also be acutely disturbing. One of my roommates this weekend evidently feels very comfortable in his own skin. Especially when that is all he is wearing. Waking up in the middle of the night to answer nature’s call I walked past his cot and could not help but notice him fast asleep, lying on his back, absent of all bed sheets. It was as if he was… posturing. I will say no more than that. It was a little unsettling to say the least and I hope my nervous twitch that suddenly developed will eventually fade away.

Picture: James Van Dyke, Me, Prospective DAC member Brian Ellison and Robert Welch at the "Spring Fling" party at the Toledo Club on the Saturday night of the Tournament.

Like I said last year – mark this one on your calendar for 2012. Guaranteed good time, you will absolutely not regret it.

“HOLY TOLEDO, BATMAN!”

Toledo Tournament March 4-6~~

Drinking shoes… check! Drinking shirt… check! Drinking pants… check! Beer goggles… check! Aspirin… check! Missing anything… oh bugger, my racquets!!

Sixty quick minutes down the I-75 is the Toledo Squash Club. Their annual squash tournament is set for March 5 - 7, an event in which the party side is just as much of an attraction (if not more) than the squash side. The first night of the event is highlighted by the hired help that bring you the beer. I know much has been mentioned about this, so I won’t harp on it except to say that the beer never tasted so good. The Saturday night is the traditional summer party at the club with a live band which always attracts a large crowd dancing and guzzling the evening away.

The squash is played on the old North American hardball courts. Or, better known as, shoe boxes. Two and a half feet narrower (doesn’t sound much, but that’s a lot), they are quirky little containers which throws your squash way off as you try to overcome claustrophobia and figure out new angles, tactics, and movement. Honestly though, as ugly as that sounds, it adds another factor to this event that makes it unique and appealing. It’s that one weekend a year of who can adapt the best and quickest.

This will be my 7th trip to the tournament and it would be fantastic if a handful of DAC members could join me. It isn’t far away, a good time is guaranteed, and you would be supporting squash in the area which is what keeps the sport growing. On top of that, you would also gather some much needed tournament experience – something all of us could use. Click on the poster (although the poster claims to be the “best value for tournament squash in the country”, it doesn’t come close to beating the DAC Classic!) and the entry form above, it has all the registration details plus the contact for the tournament hotel which is only a few minutes from the club. Registration deadline is February 25.

SURVIVOR TOLEDO

How we don’t attract more DAC members to play this event is a mystery to me. Just one hour away, this tournament is designed – and advertised – as a ‘biathlon’. Play hard (squash that is) and drink harder. Like our tournament, their keg is an endless well. Unlike our tournament, they hire models to serve you that beer. As you can see from the photos, Justin Winkelman had a difficult time trying to stay away from them. Their ‘tag-team’ move was a popular strategy and they did an excellent job making sure not many of the patrons ever saw the bottom of their beer cups.

Three DAC members made the journey. Keep in mind that the Toledo courts are 2 and a half feet narrower than ours, same length, but the ‘T’ is closer to the back wall. The angles that you are accustomed to are now completely off kilter. Justin played the D event. He won his first round match 3-1 on Friday night in solid fashion, before succumbing 3-0 in his second round on Saturday. The games of that match were quite close, and Justin is fully aware that without some of his mistimed errors, the outcome could have been very different.

Robert Welch, also in the D event, lost his first round 3-0 – to a young girl barely in her teens. Now before we all start ribbing him for all eternity, we found out later that the girl was the pro’s daughter and grew up on these shoe-box courts and knew the angles very well. It turned out to be a tough draw for Rob! However, Rob went on the win the consolation event with a 3-0 thrashing of his opponent in the final.

Now everybody stand up and applaud the man of the hour – Anthony Fracchia! (Pictured left in red.) Guts, determination, a few desperate dives, he put his body in the line as he collected at least 5 squash balls in the backside (one hitting his cheek!), he battled muscle soreness, the referees, and even though he came out the other end wounded and bloodied, he is a true Toledo Tournament survivor as he won the C division in spectacular fashion. None of his matches were easy. He won 3-1 in his first match, 3-1 in his second, 3-2 in the semi final on Sunday morning in an extremely tight match that took an hour, and then he still managed to back it up with a 3-1 victory in the final! Congratulations Anthony! Make sure you see Tiffany for a massage…

On a personal level, I won the Open event winning all my matches 3-0. I played Ian Sly from Cleveland in the final in a repeat of the 2009 event where I just got through 3-2. This year, I was determined to keep the pressure on him and remain focused. Being a handy doubles player, Ian can hit the ball very hard and uses the angles smartly, but I managed to keep the ball tight enough to stop him from doing any real damage.

As usual, the Toledo Club looked after everybody exceptionally well. The Saturday night party in the club had a live band playing songs from the 70’s and 80’s, and the drinking went on until about 4am (as far as I know…!) Seriously, for a get-away squash weekend that could not be easier to get to, the Toledo Classic a must-do. I suggest you mark it on your calendars for 2011 (last weekend in February) and make a genuine effort to enter it. (Photo: Justin, me and Robert Welch)