GOUGH’S GAGS AND GAFFS

A PSA (Professional Squash Association) player recently tweeted that women should not be receiving the same prize money as the men. This came about after the recent US Open was played in October at the Drexel University and both the men’s and women’s purses were $115K.

The PSA player was Brit Ben Coleman – world number 79. The comment of course had many people up in arms. Sexist. Misogynistic. Narrow minded. But Ben’s reasoning was pretty simple: The men bring a greater value to the sport – they are the ones that attract more sponsors and viewers. Why should women get the same pay if the men do the lion’s share of the revenue raising? Overall, he’s right and it’s difficult to argue against that logic.

If you think that’s incorrect, then all you have to do is look at their respective tour calendars. Also, the PSA recently held the World Championship worth $315K. (Nick Matthew won in 5 games over Greg Gaultier in the final). The WSA (Women’s Squash Association) World Championship is not being held this year at all because they cannot find a sponsor. That in itself is ridiculous. Equal prize money aside, how can the women’s squash tour not have a world championship? (I am not criticizing the WSA for that; it is terrible for squash that it isn’t happening and I feel for the players.)

No matter what side of the argument you are on, Ben Coleman’s comment didn’t just cause a twitter-sphere argument, it also caused a PSA policy change. CEO Alex Gough shortly thereafter released a statement announcing a gag-order on all PSA players. Basically, any PSA player is no longer allowed to comment on social media anything that may bring the association into disrepute. Say what?

That’s not unusual is sports. We hear often enough, for example, that a coach or player is fined for criticizing an official in the NFL or NBA. Squash players are in that same boat, a boat that includes disparaging comments about any event, venue, staff, directors, other individuals, the sport of squash in general, and – prize money. In other words, you can say whatever you want so long as the PSA look good and agree with it. Didn’t some countries try this once…?

Freedom of speech is clearly being suppressed here. I agree that players should not be sharing with the social media world any personal attacks or insults about anyone else – that’s just childish – but why should they not be able to express opinions about the very tour they pay to be a part of? Isn’t constructive criticism a necessary tool to improve any product and service? Maybe the PSA think they already have the perfect product? PSA have threatened disciplinary action against any player who steps out of line.

Which leads into the next scenario. One, where the very same CEO - Alex Gough - should now be applying these disciplinary actions on himself.

In a league match in England recently, Alex Gough’s on court behavior was apparently so over the top it warranted him being reported to England Squash. Reports mention Gough had a few ‘disagreements’ with the referee during his match, and on top of calling the ref names (swearing), he also made rude hand gestures and suggested that “it was people like you (the ref) that squash didn’t get into the Olympics”.

Now, squash didn’t get into the Olympics for many reasons. I am sure that the wrestling community had a lot to do with the decision, but if we forget about that and look just at the product of squash itself, blame can be widespread. Yes, the quality of the refereeing is definitely a factor, but the players themselves need to take responsibility too. Stop asking for so many lets. You know how to clear, you know how to play through minimal interference, so do it. But – and this is where Mr. Gough has ironically failed to see the light and lead by example – player behavior also turns people off. 

There were (apparently) a few juniors present during the match. Not exactly a great example set by the leader of the world squash tour. To be fair, Gough has denied all allegations. He claims innocence across the board. Fair enough. His word against many. I wasn’t there, so we can just go on what’s reported on the websites. But, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, right? Something happened, and if Gough is innocent of all accusations, then there must be a conspiracy going on.

But, for arguments sake, let’s say it is true; did Gough’s actions bring the sport of squash into disrepute? Should he – as CEO – be disciplined by his own rules? At least issue an apology? Admit the mistake and move on? His outburst wasn’t conducted on social media – it was performed in front of live crowd including influential juniors. That’s worse. A lot worse than tweeting an opinion about equal prize money.

WINKY-DINKS BONUS FEAST

Boasters League round 6~~

It was a slow start to the evening for round 6 and I was wondering for a while if I had missed a memo that another activity or function had taken priority – especially with the miserable weather we had. But those misgivings were wiped away when I ventured downstairs to the court area soon after only to bump into a full crowd that apparently appeared out of nowhere.

A big percentage of those people were once again from the “Winky-Dinks”. Captain Justin Winkelman must be offering some type of special service to his players as they just keep on turning up week after week. With another 12 bonus points last night, they lead the league with a total of 49 for the season so far. That’s only 2 more than “Butter Nutz” but you have remember the “Winky-Dinks” have had one less week to collect them. To put it in another perspective, they have picked up 82% of all possible bonus points. “Butter Nutz” is second best with 63%.

 Which of course places them in a pretty good position. Having already endured the bye week, they are second on the standings behind “Butter Nutz” who have not. It looks like the hunt for first half honors will be between these two rivals unless the remaining chasing teams start to pick it up dramatically.

I know everybody’s match is worth mentioning, but I can’t, so here are a few highlights: Steve Murphy (“Wardogs”) lost 1-2 to Ward Detwiler (“Foss-Nation”) and had a big smile on his face. Despite the loss, he was pleased with his performance in part due to the fact that what we had practiced recently in a lesson paid off for him in the match. Same goes for Anthony Kalorgeridis (“Foss-Nation”) who also lost 1-2 to Doug Troszak (“Wardogs”). He was happy to get a game off Doug – something he hadn’t been able to do before.

Jerry Rock (“Butter Nutz”) had a couple lobs too many for Dave Morrison (“The Kampai Warriors”) as he took a 2-1 victory – the first of the season for Jerry; Kevin Prather (“Winky-Dinks”) picked up his 3^rd win of the season with a 2-1 score line over Jim Kelly (“Vivio’s”); and Andy Combs (Paddy’s Dropshots”) recorded his first triumph beating Chris Tipton (“Busting Rails”) 2-1.

Crunch time people. Less than one month left to get your matches played. All I can say is – there are no excuses. You have plenty of time… if you use it wisely!

 

FOSS-NATION KEEP PACE

Boasters League round 5 ~~

We all expect the usual suspects to be the ones floating around the top of the standings. Over the past couple of seasons, it has been the “Winky-Dinks”, “Butter Nutz”, Patrick Petz’ team that changes name every year… But when another team suddenly starts to make waves, we all wonder what’s going on.

“Foss-Nation” haven’t been ‘lighting the lamp’ so to speak, but are definitely the quiet achievers with their second place standing. In fact, their bonus point totals are tied for 5^th best (with “The Kampai Warriors” who sit last) which – if that trend continues – would break the bonus point theory of relativity. They still have 4 more rounds to endure, one of which is a ‘bye’, so we’ll see if they can stay relevant in spite of not turning up on Wednesday! (Bonus point theory of relativity: Measurements of point quantities are directly relative to the presence of its team players… Einstein proved this, as do the “Winky-Dinks”!)

One of the main reason “Foss-Nation” are defying the odds, is not because they are playing a lot more matches than other teams (they aren’t), but because they have only lost 6 matches this season 3-0. Continually picking up at least one game in 87% of contests goes a long way.

Here is a small cross section of interesting results of round 5: Al Iafrate (“Busting Rails”) remains undefeated after taking care of business against Chris Van Tol (“Foss-Nation”) with his 4^th in a row 2-1 win. Sticking with “Busting Rails”, Joe Paglino picked up his first victory with a 2-1 win over Tom Delaney (“Foss-Nation”); as did Andrew Tignanelli when he beat Anthony Kalogeridis 2-1.

Women’s power continued with Cathy Lysack (“Butter Nutz”) when she handed the hard hitting Jay Poplawski (“Wardogs”) his first loss, and Julie VandeVusse (“Butter Nutz”) taking the 2-1 win over Jim Miller (“Wardogs”).

There are 4 rounds to play. December 6 is the deadline to get all your matches in. No excuses. Or extensions. Better start arranging. And captains: get out your cattle prods and start zapping!

BUTTER RISES TO THE TOP

Boasters League round 4~~

Thankfully, the baseball season is behind us. Don’t get me wrong, I was just as devastated when I watched Shane Victorino’s Grand Slam put an end to the Tiger’s World Series aspirations, but it also put an end to the havoc the play-offs have been inflicting on the DAC squash program. I mean, how utterly rude of Bud Selig not to consult me before organizing play-off games in the middle of the week. The nerve! Why couldn’t the Tigers play on the weekends??

After we cancelled the league for round 3 – or made everyone self-schedule their matches – overall people have been doing a pretty good job getting those matches in. However, there are still many to be completed which means there are oodles of points up for grabs and believe it not we are already almost half-way through the season. Time is slipping away quickly.

“Butter Nutz” now find themselves looking down on everyone else with a six point lead over “Paddy’s Dropshots”. “Foss Nation” are the surprise team as they jumped from 6^th to 3^rd and knock the idle “Winky-Dinks” to 4^th. Speaking of which, “Winky-Dinks” captain Justin Winkelman has stepped up the merchandising of his ‘franchise’ with team shirts for all his players. We have already seen the “Vivio’s” headbands, so who will be next? Will we see “Mongoose” coffee mugs? “Wardogs” bobble heads? “Busting Rails” big foam fingers?

Last night’s action produced a couple of nail-biters. Firstly Scott Langenburg’s (“Wardogs”) 15-14 in the 3^rd win over Tom MacEachern (“Paddy’s Dropshots”) had Tom kicking himself for being too nice. Rather than take a ‘stroke’ at 14-all, he kindly offered to replay the rally and then ended up losing. Winning on a stroke isn’t overly satisfying, but it sure beats losing overall. Tom will learn next time not to be so friendly!

The other sudden-death decider was between Sante Fratarcangeli (“Butter Nutz”) and Al Iafrate (“Busting Rails”). Tension built up at the end of the third as the scores stayed tight. Thankfully the deciding rally did not end with a ‘let’ call, and it was Al pinching the 15-14 win.

Other notable results was James Stuntz (“Wardogs”) over Margi Scholtes (“Paddy’s Dropshots”) 2-1 where every game was either 15-13 or 15-14; Terry Lang (“The Kampai Warriors”) showing his experience with a 2-1 victory over John Mann (“Foss Nation”); and Blake Kenny (“Busting Rails”) taking a 2-1 win over Jason Trombley (“Butter Nutz”) with both appearing pleased that a 4^th game wasn’t required.

Once again, I will whip out my bongos and beat the same tune: Get your matches done. Deadline for completion will be December 6. That’s not very far away.

BRING IT ON IN WINDSOR

Windsor Tournament Nov 22-24

We aren’t afraid anymore. Twice now we have ventured into that enemy territory and won the Cross Border Challenge. We know we can win there. Now the time has come that the DAC also stamps its authority onto the individual tournament titles they have on offer. We have had some taste of success before… not much, but some.

And to have a better chance of success, numbers are important. The more members we have spread throughout their draws, the higher likelihood one (or two) of them will reach the final. It’s kind of like playing the lottery. The more tickets you buy, the better your odds. Of course, I hope your odds of winning in Windsor are better than 1 in 175 million, but you get my point… I think. Unfortunately, you can’t enter the same category multiple times, but you can enter two different categories. It doubles your squash, so keep that in mind. Plus, they have beer included in the entry fee – however multiple trips to the keg no doubt would decrease your odds.

So you’ll get at least 2 matches per singles category. Score to 11, win by 2. Best of 5 games, meaning the 1^st player to win 3. To win the category, you most likely will have to play anywhere from 3 to 5 matches. There are 14 categories to choose from. Pick 1 or 2. (Not sure about 3.) You’ll get at least 1 match per doubles category, matches are also best of 5 games, scored to 15, with no tiebreak meaning you play a sudden-death rally at 14-14. It’s all about the numbers.

Notwithstanding, it isn’t just about the squash. It’s about the social life too. Enjoy your matches, but enjoy the atmosphere and the people too. Support fellow members, drink a few pops and make friends. A tighter squash family will only make the foundation larger upon which we build a greater program for everyone.

Are you ready to “bring it on”? Join me. I’ll be playing and I’d love to see you all out there showcasing your stuff with me.

Click on the above poster for all the details, categories, entry fee. Registrations go to squash@windsorsquash.ca . Deadline to enter is November 4. Feel free to ask me which category you should be in if you are unsure.

SANTE FRATARCANGE-BLITZ

Blitz Tournament – October 11

Not a bad showing for the first Blitz Tournament of the season. We had 20 participants which made it easy to split them into four equally sized groups, but what wasn’t so simple was - in some cases - to assign the correct handicaps. We welcome all new players with open arms and a couple of beers (or wines!) into every squash event we run. However, without knowing their standard, handicapping turns into hopeful (doubtful!) guesswork.

It’s all fun and games. I make a point to apologize before the tournament starts for any handicap that I get wrong. My aim is to have every single game end up 15-14. In my mind, the sudden-death rally proves the handicap as being correct. Unfortunately, a couple of the round-robin results deserved that apology...

Julie VandeVusse, John and Kelly Maher

There were a few games that did get to the 15-14 score line. New member and new player Kelly Maher had three of them. Alas, she lost all of them too! I’ll take a pat on the back for her handicaps though, since I had never even met her before, let alone know what standard she was. Her husband - John - also joined in of the fray. John is part of the DAC basketball league (and consequently was the tallest amongst us!) but he too failed to get past the round robin stage. I am sure they enjoyed the evening and camaraderie and we’ll be seeing them again very soon.

Of the four round robin groups, only one of them needed to draw straws to see who would advance to the knock out stage. With Sante Fratarcangeli winning that group with 3 victories, we had three other players tied for second with 2 wins apiece. Chip McDaniel had to win his final match of the group against one of the new squash players / members Nick Cinqeranelli to secure his finals berth, but Nick decided to play spoiler. Chip’s loss forced him to take part in the ‘lottery’ with Julie VandeVusse and Anil Kathuria, and he didn’t fare any better with his straw pulling. “Lady Luck” shined on Julie instead.

Julie’s quarter final match was against 2-time Blitz Tournament winner Josh Slominski. Taking a 10 point head-start, Julie quickly extended it to 12 before Josh got his act going. He had very little room for error, but he managed to steadily close the gap. That didn’t stop Julie from reaching 14 first and earning a hand-full of match balls. Josh had to stay error-free and he did to even it up for the sudden-death showdown in which Julie actually had the upper hand in that rally. Regrettably, her game-ending “winner” shaved the top of the tin. Josh advanced.

Brett Torgler and Dino DeMare

The fourth new face we had playing was Dino DeMare. Dino has practiced hard in the short time he has taken up squash and has improved quickly. In the round robin, Jason Trombley got the rough end of the pineapple when I gave Dino 6 points head-start in their match, a handicap that in hindsight should have been reversed. Dino won 15-2. Sorry Jason!

Dino finished second in his group and met up against Sante in the knock-out round. Going by his form in the first 4 games, I only handed him an 8 point head start. Even though the rallies were relatively competitive, it wasn’t quite enough, and Sante ended Dino’s run with a 15-12 victory.

Sante’s semi final was against Josh. Josh was handed 4 points for the handicap, must to the chagrin of Sante who insisted 3 was fairer. After handing out a tissue, I told Sante to play harder. He did. The entertaining game ended with Sante taking the 15-10 win, and me then wondering why I didn’t give Josh 8 points head start instead! I of course kid, Sante has made a great effort lately to develop his game and it is showing.

On the top side of the knock-out draw, the quiet spoken Phil Pitters quietly took care of Margi Scholtes before tackling Paul Ward in the semi final. It was a straight up game - that is, no handicap, start 0-0. Both of these guys run. Their retrieval abilities are not just engaging, they are often humorous too as they run themselves so far out of position but still somehow manage to reach the next ball. Phil squeezed out the game 15-13, huffing and puffing hard as he exited the court for his 2 minute rest before the final.

Phil Pitters and
Sante Fratarcangeli

Pitters v Fratarcangeli. Once again, I decided the handicap should be zero. Once again Sante protested, and while I once again reached for the tissue box, Sante then accepted the decision, put his head down and went to work. As tired as Phil was, he still did his darndest to cover the court as inefficiently as possible, no matter how effective he turns out to be. How he picks-up some shots when he looks dead and buried is a sight to behold! Sante though, was ready, and remained prepared for the balls to keep bouncing back. As it turned out, Sante was (half) right. I should have given a handicap - but to Phil. We didn’t get to see the dream sudden-death rally for the final, Sante denied Phil the opportunity to get to 14 as he took the game 15-12. Congratulations to my pink-shorted friend, winner of this season’s first Blitz!

The 3rd / 4th playoff had Josh take a 6 point handicap over Paul. Josh played well to win that battle 15-13 and claim 3rd prize.

Great event. Thank you to all who participated, especially the new members who braved the arena for the first time. There will be more in-house tournaments coming up through the season, hopefully you can join in and have as much fun as what we did here!

Say "Cheeeeze"!

DÉJÀ VU?

Boasters League round 2~~

It feels like I’ve seen this before. The standings are taking on an eerie similarity of the previous season with “Winky-Dinks”, “Butter Nutz”, “Mongoose”, and “Paddy’s Dropshots” (different team name from last year, but same captain) occupying the top four spots. In this day and age of salary caps, where the total expenditure of all the teams in the Boasters League is identical – that is, zero – why are the same teams dominating once again? (Let’s not discount “Vivio’s” on that list, who seem to enjoy coming from behind and sit 5^th.)

I guess I will let the team captains figure it out, but here is a hint to the ones who find themselves outside the top 4-5 positions: Communicate. Keep in contact with your players. Encourage them. Remind them to turn up on Wednesdays. It’s no secret that the teams that collect bonus points and play their matches are the ones leading the way.

It was a another great social evening in the club despite the fact that we did everything we could to stop you entering the court area with the lobby being blocked off and the elevator not working! But people still found their way to the courts and the beer. Most teams did pretty well picking up at least 18 points for round 2 – except “The Kampai Warriors” who only scrounged together 9. Already they have their backs against the wall as they have the ‘bye’ next week as well to contend with.

Tough, close matches were order of the day. None closer than Stu Neufeld’s (“Mongoose”) 15-14 in the 3^rd, 2-1 win over Patrick Petz (“Paddy’s Dropshots”). Nothing like a sudden-death rally to determine the outcome. Bob Rogers (“Butter Nutz”) struggled to stand upright after his 2-1 win over the speedy Jordan Ellis (“Winky-Dinks”) as he cursed under his breath at Jordan’s retrieval ability. On the other side of his mouth, he was thanking him for the work-out and helping with his fitness regimen.

New member Matthew Yee (“Wardogs”) won his first ever match 2-1 against another new member Julia Dillon (“The Kampai Warriors”). Both are just starting the game (have been playing less than 3 months) and it’s great to see them getting into it competitively straight away. Another couple of rookies beat up on each other well – Mike Nihem (“Paddy’s Dropshots”) took Nick Ioannou (“Mongoose”) 2-1.

As I mentioned, it’s wonderful to see many people here on league night enjoying each other’s company. Make sure you also enjoy each other’s squash game and get your matches done. Do not let them pile up. You’ll regret it. Captains make sure you speak to your team. Players – listen to your captain. If your captain isn’t talking, then step up and be the voice. Either way, team cohesion works. The standings prove that.

CHASING WINKY-DINKS

Boasters League round 1~~

Not a bad start to the new season. Not sensational, but we did have a decent number of people show up. I would have preferred more matches to be played, but the social aspect was promising and the server in the bar was kept busy most of the evening!

As you all know, the league once again expanded. We have added 2 more levels to each team making 135 players. Almost 30% of that number are new – which made sorting it out rather a difficult task. The captains did a fine job with the draft last week and we are starting to see more of a trend towards keeping the same team name from season to season. I like that idea – familiarity help builds camaraderie. Will we soon be seeing team logos and jerseys?

Getting off to a good start is vital for success. No one wants to be looking uphill all season long. “Winky-Dinks” won’t have that problem (for now at least) since they went 6-for-7 in match wins last night, plus picking up 13 bonus points (from a maximum 15). In fact, they scored more through bonus points than 3 other teams scored in total. The power of presence. “Butter Nutz” also had a good showing with 11 bonus points, but were not quite as successful on court. They only won 2 of 6 matches.

There were many tough matches played, and I am sure a few of you were quietly suffering physically even though 3 games doesn’t sound like much. But after the summer, fitness levels can take a huge hit and the first round wake-up call can be an eye-opening shock to the system. Mike LoVasco (“Paddy’s Dropshots”) has rejoined the DAC squash family after a couple year absence, and he went toe-to-toe with “Winky-Dinks” Tom Healy. Both players ran. And ran. And ran. And just when you think they wouldn’t run anymore, they ran. Tom crawled off a 2-1 winner, Mike crawled off after him, and both somehow managed to climb into a chair like they were scaling Everest.

Justin Jacobs (“Vivio’s”) got away with one and escaped with a 2-1 victory over new member Cathy Lysack (“Butter Nutz”) 15-13 in the 3^rd. Cathy and her husband Stu Neufeld (playing on team “Mongoose”) joined the DAC over the summer. It’s great to have a woman in the league playing so high!

Jerry Rock (“Butter Nutz”) fell 2-1 to the gentle giant Greg Baker (“Vivio’s”). Jerry mentioned that his super-high snow-creating gravity-defying lobs were rendered quite useless against the 6’6” (give or take) Greg who simply saw them as a waist high volley. If only you could hit a drop-shot serve, hey Jerry?!

We are off and running. You are all running after the “Winky-Dinks” for now and I suggest you get cracking immediately on the chase. Remember, if you fail in that quest, you will be dealing with their captain Justin Winkelman strutting around bragging from his pedestal! That should be incentive enough!!

SLIGHTLY OUTCLASSED IN LONDON

London Tournament – Sept 20-22

The expectations were high. They always are when heading off to play a tournament, as no one should be walking on the court with the attitude they are going to lose. There is commonly a fear of losing, but in the back of one’s mind, we all know we can win. Four DAC members made the trip this year to London: Sante Fratarcangeli, Josh Slominski and Tom MacEachern entered the C draw, and Chuck Doyle played the D draw.

London is barely 2 hours away from Windsor, so I trusted that what a C level standard is in Windsor would translate accordingly. Apparently, it wasn’t quite the case. As the heavens opened up over London on Friday night with a thunderous downpour, so did it rain down heavily on the DAC parade. All of our lads lost 3-0 first round and by Saturday afternoon they had all exited the consolation draws as well. It wasn’t as if they played poorly, suffered unexpected losses, and have anything to be ashamed about. On the contrary, and Tom mentioned after his first match, it was an invaluable experience and certainly something that he should be doing more often. I hope the others felt the same. It is a nasty feeling to take a loss, but it is also so important to learn from them and turn it into something positive.

On Sunday morning, I refereed the D final. Two fellows from Toronto beating up on each other that one could have easily mistaken for a B level match. It seems that in Toronto, ‘D’ stands for: “Devastating Drop Shot”; “Deadly Drives”; “Death-Defying court coverage”; “Destructive Deception”. A very entertaining contest to say the least. These guys would be quite at home at the 4.5 level at least in the DAC Classic. For next year we know—if you play C in Windsor, play D in London. For another point of reference, one of the Windsor players that played the 4.5 category at our tournament this year won the C consolation over the weekend in London. He lost first round in the C’s.
 

Maria Toorpakai Wazir

One of the advantages that the entrants have at this event is the opportunity to watch the pros play. Unfortunately, none of our members stuck around on Saturday to do that – a huge mistake. Playing these events is not just about playing your own matches, but being able to learn from the best and enjoying the socializing side as well. Friday night showcased the women’s pro final that featured Maria Toorpakai Wazir – the Pakistani lass now under the tutelage of Jon Power in Toronto. She is currently ranked 55 in the world and she was visibly too strong for her Dutch opponent ranked 52, as she took the final 3-0 in under 30 minutes. Maria has quite a bit of Power-esque technique in her. She steps up and volleys well, is a strong mover, but is prone to some unforced errors. I think she has to be a little careful and not be too much like Jon – his racquet skills were a one-of-a-kind and are rather difficult to replicate to say the least.

Joe Lee

The men’s final on Saturday night featured Brit Joe Lee (ranked 37) and Canadian Shawn DeLierre (ranked 38). On paper, we were in for a long grueling match. Shawn is no stranger to marathon encounters and has no problems engaging the referee as often as humanly possible. I didn’t see it, but reports had it that in his semi final there were about 60 let calls in one game alone. However, as good as Shawn is, Joe was a class better. He looked in complete control as he moved the ball around with pin-point accuracy and was virtually error free. He also managed to stay out of the way and minimize the amount of ‘lets’ which speaks volumes on his footwork and court coverage. Joe won 3-0 in 47 minutes, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he cracked into the top 20 world rankings sometime in the near future.

As the three beer pong tables were being set up after the men’s final on Saturday, I called it in with an early night. I was due to play my own final in the Men’s Open against a young and fit Western University player that has been drooling for my blood since I beat him 11-9 in the 5^th in Windsor not too long ago. His blood-lust paid off as he was just too steady for me. I lost 3-1, my body hating me for the effort. These events are getting harder and harder, I am definitely struggling to keep up any competitive level.

I will make a special mention to Dave Morrish – the London squash pro – for the excellent hospitality over the weekend. The members of the London Club who I very much look forward to seeing every time and make me feel so welcome like I belong there, and to Jay Nash. Jay is the main sponsor of the event and the driving force behind the tournament. (Hence the name “Nash Cup”). His enthusiasm is wonderful, and London is particularly fortunate to have him.

We can expect to welcome a big crowd of Londoners when the DAC Classic is scheduled for February 6-9. Make sure you have a beer or two with them. Maybe they can convince you to experience London in 2014.

A BLITZING GOOD TIME

Blitz Tournament – Friday Oct 11

Squash, good friends, a chilled beverage, more squash, more friends, another chilled beverage, back to the squash court... you get the idea. Just another trip on the DAC in-house squash carnival merry-go-round with the Blitz Tournament! Feel like a kid in a candy store yet?

It’s a simple concept. Group play comes first. All the groups will be mixed up with various playing levels as much as possible. Handicaps will be assigned. Each match is one game to 15 points. So, if player A has a 5 point handicap, he starts the game at 5-0. Matches have been known to start at 13-0. And have lasted 2 rallies. Hence the name of the event.

The top 2 players of each group will then advance to a knock-out round. In the case of a tie, straws will be drawn to see who advances. That makes it completely fair for all parties involved. Handicaps will be assigned as we go along with this one. The top three players of the knock-out draw will then receive a prize. Third / fourth play-off has to be done.

In regards to the handicap, I try to assign them so every match will finish 15-14. (No tie-breaks). Of course, my crystal ball is often misty and I did receive a failing grade at the “Divination” course I took at Hogwarts, so while sometimes we do get the ever so anticipated sudden-death rally at 14-14 it only really happens due to pure auspicious guesswork. We have also had complete blow-outs and handicaps in some cases could have been reversed! But I claim no responsibility for those. Wasn’t my fault…

As is customary, beverages will be available. This may add to your handicap, something I will not be taking into consideration. You do that at your own risk!

So, if you want to frolic in the land of Blitz Squash, I need all registrations by October 9. I need a minimum of 16 players to run it. E-mail me. Go on… I dare you… !

COMING THROUGH UNDER PRESSURE

Cross Border Challenge XIV

Copying the management approach of Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy”, I will do this report in the style of a ‘compliment sandwich’. That’s when I start out with some praise, follow up with a topic to work on, then finish up with some more flattery. For a 1-year old, Stewie is wise beyond his infancy.

So, let’s start out with a positive note. We had 16 members sign up for the Cross Border Challenge in Windsor which is a pretty good number. I was pleased with that and when we do receive that level of support, organizing matches becomes a lot easier.

Something we can enhance. The disappointing aspect, however, was the fact that we only had one match above a 4.0 level. Windsor put forward some higher standard opponents that we simply could not match-up - that includes the doubles where I had to step in to make up the numbers. The Cross Border Challenge is the perfect opportunity for everybody - of all levels - to get some irreplaceable match experience. Windsor is close, social, and they have a deep pool of tough opponents - of all levels. Everybody should be taking advantage.

The top slice of the sandwich. This will take a little longer since the event itself needs to be covered, and it was all good. Getting things started for the DAC was Tom Fabbri who had been floundering with his form of late. I gave him a simple 3-word advice: Back to basics. He came off the court a 3-1 victor and was a lot more satisfied with his performance (winning can do that!).

Windsor came back strongly in the next 2 singles matches with Rich Routley taking out David Devine in 3 close games and Stephen Allen beating a nervous Kevin Prather also 3-0. For the red-face award of the afternoon, Paul Ward turned up 40 minutes late as he realized when he was 5 minutes from the tunnel that he had forgotten his passport and he had to go back home to pick it up. His patient opponent - Anis Khan - took it all in stride and then took Paul on a 4-corner tour of the court as he beat him 3-1.

Buddy "Superman" Ranchuk and Joey Gaylord

Joey Gaylord then proved than wearing a Superman t-shirt doesn’t actually make you a Super Hero as be handed a 3-0 lashing out to his ‘big S’ bearing opponent, and Sante Fratracangeli just keeps on finding ways to win when he muscled through the only 5-set singles match of the day with a 3-2 triumph.

The DAC then scored 3 more victories when Jim Stroh showed no mercy for the fairer sex with a 3-0 win over Cathy Corchis, Brian Bartes handling Colin Bateman after they split the first two games before Brian ran away with the 3rd and 4th, and Greg Rivard tasting sweet revenge on Adam Pole with a convincing 3-0 clobbering when Adam beat Greg in 5 at the previous Cross Border. But those 3 matches were nullified when Windsor took control of the final 3 singles matches of the day, taking two of them 3-0 and one 3-1.

Jim Stroh and Cathy Corchis

Onto the doubles. History would suggest that Windsor has the upper hand here, but recently we have been having a little more success. We would need it on this occasion. For the comeback of the day, Patrick Petz and Greg Rivard found themselves quickly 2-0 down against Dave Hornby and Herb Funkenhauser. Luckily, they managed to turn things around in the 3rd and from there they refused to give up the momentum. The 5-set win was invaluable.

Next on the doubles court was John Dunwoody and myself. We were up against Tom Porter and Dean Lansens and we had our work cut out for us. It was a match of one game on, one game off. We took the first, lost the second, won the third, and lost the fourth. It was our turn for the fifth, but the Windsor lads were not sticking to the plan. Dean’s low forehand volley kill proved a little too much for us, and Tom’s low forehand half ‘drop shots’ from the back corner (he’s a leftie) had us flatfooted a couple of times too often. We lost 3-2.

James Konrad, Rich Routley, Tom MacEachern, Shail Arora

When the final doubles match was on, it was an exciting scenario. For Windsor to take the Cross Border trophy, they had to win 3-1. The DAC team needed 2 games. (If we lost 3-2, both clubs would have been tied with 8 match victories, and 30 games won. We would have kept the Trophy as reigning champs...). The poor four souls that had to suffer the pressure: Tom MacEachern and Shail Arora against Windsor’s Rich Routley and James Konrad. This is what it is all about. Rich and James started strongly and they were looking very good with a 2-1 lead. The atmosphere was ramped up, the cheering increased 10-fold, and the anticipation could be felt all the way through the club. Of the 4 players on the doublers court, Shail was by far the most experienced and in such situation, that can be invaluable. It equates to a steadier hand, less errors, a calmer mind. Plus, it can have a soothing effect on the partner (if needed!). It was a difference maker. Shail and Tom fed off their opponents mistakes as the pressure built and they won the deciding 4th game as well as the 5th for the icing on the cake (or the olive on the sandwich!)

The DAC retains the Cross Border Trophy for a 4th consecutive win with 9 matches to 7. Kudos to Windsor for being the wonderful hosts we are accustomed to. The next one is scheduled for April at the DAC... can we make it 5-peat???

Most of the players and supporters - Thank you for a great event!

A FARCE OF OLYMPIC PROPORTIONS

If you haven’t been following squash’s 2020 Olympic bid, let me assure you that it was nothing short of first-class. The squash world came together like never before, everybody pushing together in the same direction with the one goal in mind.

Many celebrities from all over the globe were also behind the endeavor, and it must be mentioned that the effort, time and sacrifice put in by Nicol David – women’s world number 1 from Malaysia – was so commendable as she turned herself into the face of squash and the Olympics, she should be immortalized now in the Squash Hall of Fame. That’s not to diminish other squash stars’ efforts as well: James Willstrop, Ramy Ashour, Mohamed El Shorbagy, Nick Matthew, just to name a few.

However, as I look back at the entire spiel involving the selection of a “new” sport onto the 2020 Olympic agenda, I cannot help but think what a complete insult it was to the above mentioned and a total waste of everybody’s time, energy, and money. I typed “new” in inverted commas because although the IOC’s original aim was to add a new sport to the program, they instead decided to add an old sport back. In fact, the same sport they so unceremoniously voted off just 7 months earlier. Yesterday, the IOC voted to reinstate wrestling, once again leaving squash on the outside looking glumly in.

The impression the IOC have left is one of categorical idiocy. An impression that they had zero intention of voting in any sport other than wrestling. It should not have been voted off in the first place, as there are other Olympic disciplines that deserved the chop (pentathlon for example). If the IOC had issues with the way wrestling was conducting itself, there were other ways to grab its attention to make changes. The path they took instead – by cutting it and then forcing everyone to go through the bid process – was nothing short of criminal. The sports that didn’t get voted in should sue to get their expenses back.

In the end, one may have been led to believe it was a two horse race between wrestling and squash. But in fact it was a 3-horse race. Baseball / softball were also in the mix. (In reality, it wasn’t a race at all.) Over the past number of months I have read a lot of articles and reader’s comments as the voting day approached and baseball / softball rarely got a mention. I didn’t see a huge push by their fans unlike the other two sports that tried to advertise the stuffing out of it. (Most of the reader’s comments were literally wrestling v squash. Intriguingly, squash fans for the most part acknowledged that wrestling should not have been voted off and consider it a reputable Olympic sport. Naturally, they wished for squash to get the vote and it would have been unfortunate at wrestling’s expense, but hey, they only had the IOC to blame. Wrestling fans however, were less sympathetic. They had no problem criticizing squash from being too easy, un-athletic, and it being ridiculous that it was even being considered. They arguments were so far out of left field it was comical. They took it personally that squash was challenging it. Maybe the aggressive nature of the sport creates such personalities?)  You would probably be surprised to know – but then again maybe not! - that when the IOC voted on which 3 sports could bid for the one spot in 2020, squash scraped through that stage by the paint of its racquet frame. Wrestling was elected in immediately after the first round of voting (I smell a conspiracy!), baseball / softball a couple of rounds later, and squash got through in the final round of voting narrowly beating out karate. Not exactly a positive result – or omen.

If hypocrisy was an aroma, the IOC would stench of it. They claim they wanted a “new” sport. They voted in an old one. They claim they want drug free athletes, but not only are current sports on the agenda littered with drug cheats (athletics, cycling, weightlifting, just name a few), two of the three sports that were vying for the final spot have a long history of drug cheats too. Baseball… well we all know about don’t we… and wrestling has had its fair share of users as well. Squash has never had an athlete caught using PED’s. I have never even heard a rumor of a squash player using one either. Squash players have been caught using recreational drugs (marijuana) but that’s hardly the same thing.

Even though baseball / softball seemed to be nowhere near the radar, when the final votes were tallied and wrestling received over 50% of the votes (and therefore automatically won the spot), baseball / softball scored more votes than squash. That’s right, squash came in last – behind a sport that has countless drug cheats and wouldn’t have even sent their best players to participate since the MLB refused to postpone the season during the Games. How is squash supposed to compete fairly within the IOC when the IOC delegates totally ignore everything that is wrong with a sport along with their own criteria when considering who deserves a place at the table?

And corruption? I recently came across an article that placed wrestling in a very unfavorable light. In 2010, an Indian wrestler competing for a gold medal at the World Championships in Russia against a Russian opponent was asked to throw the bout for money. The Indian wrestler refused the offer and went on to win anyway. But where did the offer come from? Who was involved? Is this a common practice in wrestling? Should other results suddenly become under scrutiny? Were there any suspicious major upsets? Did the IOC look seriously into these allegations or did they turn a blind eye? No prize to guess what action they took.

As September 8 neared (the day the IOC voted for a “new” sport), it looked as if a large percentage of squash fans – although loudly still hoping against hope – where resigned to the fact that the battle was all but lost and we were simply going through the motions. Two weeks before the vote, somebody had actually registered the domain name: www.squash2024.com and was selling it on-line. Bids started at 299 Euro. Expensive. The World Squash Federation (WSF) may have to invest and will be forced to go through the entire painstaking process once again. We don’t even know if the Olympics will be looking for a “new” sport in 11 years time. Wow, that’s a long, long time away. How depressing.

THE SQUASH POET #13

We all have fantasies of what it would be like to be the best at something. The good life that goes with it, the adoring fans, the money, the fame. But as we all know, nothing comes easy in life and to be a world dominator, the sacrifice required to get there is too much except for the dedicated few. And, even with such sacrifices, most people still won’t reach that pinnacle of success. In fact since 1998, in the squash world only 11 men have reached world number 1 and since 2001, only 8 women. As fans we only get to see the finished product when we watch them play tournaments, we really do not understand what it takes for them to perform as they do. Nor does the Squash Poet.
 

I know I can, it’s not just a dream

That one day I’ll rule the squash world supreme
I’ll be a legend, earn all the glory
Be so impressive I’ll skip purgatory
The wish is there, I have all the desire
To be synonymous with a squash empire
The love and rewards to be forever on me raining
Now… How do I get there without the training?

The Squash Poet

 

 

I Wanna be a Squash Pro

(Sung to the tune of “Rock Star” by Nickelback.)

I’m through with being a club hack, losing to fat and old men

They run me around ‘til I drop, over and over again

My squash hasn’t turned out quite the way I want it to be

  

I want to hit the nick with an Egyptian flair

Be cool and sexy without messin’ my hair

And beat up on Ramy to be home in time for tea.

  

I’ll need a full time coach – you better make it two

To get my ass in shape, a fitness guru

And for all the luck I need, a top influential high priest

  

I want more World titles than both the Khans

Woo all my girl fans with my manly charms

Have sponsors lined up throwing all their money at me

  

I’m gonna buy a graphite racquet and squash shoes,

And think about cutting down on my booze…

  

Chorus:

‘Cause all I wanna be is a big squash pro,

Playing on the glass court wherever I go,

Winning all my matches with grace and ease

Slotting magic winners whenever I please

And I’ll rewrite all the history books

As the greatest ever plus the gorgeous looks

They’ll make a separate wing in the Hall of Fame

The gold statues inside will all bear my name

…

Hey, hey I wanna be a Squash Pro

Hey, hey I wanna be a Squash Pro

  

I want power like Pilley and be the hardest hitter

Make Nick Matthew look weak ‘cause I’ll be fitter

And Miguel will think he’s slow comparing his speed to me

  

I’ll gonna hit the nick every time I drop

My quadruple fake-out will show up James Willstrop

And Greg Gaultier will be on his knees pleading mercy

  

I’m gonna buy a book and learn all the rules,

Watch You Tube videos from my whirlpool…

  

Chorus:

‘Cause all I wanna be is a big squash pro,

Playing on the glass court wherever I go,

Winning all my matches with grace and ease

Slotting magic winners whenever I please

And I’ll rewrite all the history books

As the greatest ever plus the gorgeous looks

They’ll make a separate wing in the Hall of Fame

The gold statues inside will all bear my name

The whole squash world will dance and rejoice

As the IOC will see no other choice

I’ll be hailed as the hero who made them pick

And squash will forever be Olympic… well

  

Hey, hey I wanna be a Squash Pro

  

I should put down my smoke and get off my ass

And enroll myself into some coaching class

I better start to practice and should learn the grip…

Oh my God! My hamstring! I think it just ripped!

  

Now I don’t think I wanna be a big squash pro

It’s not ‘cause I’m too old, too fat and too slow

I’m sure I could but it wouldn’t be fair

I f I was hitting winners from anywhere

Getting all the girls and making all the cash

Making all today’s stars look just like trash

Showing them up with every ball I hit

Too many of them would prob’ly quit

So I’ll just sit back with cold beer can

And for squash domination I have another plan

To have my name at the top where it should be

I’ll get my son to do the training instead of me….

  

Hey, hey I wanna be a Squash Pro

Hey, hey I wanna be a Squash Pro

 

 

The Squash Poet