BETTER BUTTER NUTZ

Boasters League round 4~~

With the foot firmly on the gas pedal, the “Butter Nutz” raced to the top of the standings this week picking up a league best 34 points, and now has opened up a healthy 13 point lead over second placed “Mongoose”. Last week’s league leaders “Winky-Dinks” sat out this round and even though they still managed to gather 9 points in makeup matches dropped to 4^th place on the ladder. And steadily chugging along is “Mercedes”. Out of all the teams that have so far suffered through the bye week, they are ranked above all of them – a great position to be in.

Once again, however, the last two ranked teams are struggling to make any headway. “Destiny” scored only 12 points since last week, and “WallEED” 13. Even worse, was “Vivio’s” who picked up a measly 6 – that’s 3 less than the team that had the bye! – and consequently they dropped from 5^th to 7^th and in severe danger of occupying the basement if that trend continues.

There was a lot of play last night, but a high percentage of it was pick-up squash. Courts were full, beer was flowing, and the handballers were out in force with their tournament. For the record, court usage for this month is the highest since we started counting – since the year 2000. Now, if only everybody was also playing their league matches, I couldn’t imagine how full the courts would be.

There were a few tough matches completed yesterday: Brian Bartes (“Vivio’s”) survived for a 2-1 win over Chip McDaniel (“Foss-ters”) who I thought was about to keel over after the match as he staggered off the court and immediately hit the floor. Not to worry, however, it wasn’t long until beer had saved the day…  Bruce VandeVusse (“Mongoose”) was able to fend off the hard hitting Joe Bobzin (“Destiny”) 2-1; and Anil Kathuria (“Wardogs”) took his 6^th win on a row over Chuck Doyle (“Butter Nutz”) 2-1.

Next week we see match-ups between the top 4 teams: “Winky-Dinks” v “Butter Nutz” and “Mercedes” v “Mongoose”. The way these squads have been turning up (they are also the top 4 teams earning bonus points) there is a very good chance they could put a lot of distance between themselves and the rest. Adding the fact that the 5^th placed team “Wardogs” has the bye, the bottom four teams should really be feeling the pressure. Remember, the last three teams will be eliminated for the play-offs.

TRADITIONAL DOUBLES CLUB CHAMPIONSHIPS

Many years ago, before my time started at the DAC, when my hair was fuller and darker, when the Detroit Lions were the laughing stock of the NFL... (well, time can’t fix everything…) the finals of the Doubles Club Championship for all the court sports used to be held on the night of the third Blackballer Dividend. It has been decided by the powers that be, that we will be returning to tradition.

 

Doubles Club Championship night is scheduled for Wednesday, March 20. It is only for the top category of squash and handball that will be playing – the ‘A’ draw. The ‘B’ and ‘C’ squash doubles draws will begin competition on March 11, with the final for those 2 categories scheduled for April 17.

In case that sounds confusing, here is the doubles club championship schedule:

Doubles A: Starts February 19. Final set for March 20.

Doubles B and C: Starts March 11. Final set for April 17.

You can enter now for any of the categories. For the B and C groups, there is plenty of time to search for your appropriate partner. However, I wouldn’t exactly be exercising patience in this case. Confirm your partner quickly.

When entering, do so with a confirmed partner. Please do not e-mail me with “I’m in. I’ll let you know who my partner is later”. That really doesn’t help. Also, make sure you enter the appropriate category. Nobody wants to play a sandbagger. I will move teams around if I see you are in the incorrect level.

Organizing your matches. Each match will have a deadline for completion. We cannot afford to fall behind. If you are planning to be away for a significant amount of time during the dates of the event, I suggest you do not enter. When I send out the draw, make sure that you immediately contact the other 3 players to arrange a time to play. Don’t hesitate. Don’t wait for the others to contact you. Be pro-active. Not having a match completed by the given deadline may result in both teams being defaulted. Be flexible with your schedule.

All matches are best of 5 games. There will be no consolation draw. In accordance with the expectation of behavior at the DAC, all players will be fully respectful of their partners and opponents. Be sensible with the ‘let’ calling, avoid arguments, and above all, safety first. Any disagreements on interference calls shall be automatic ‘lets’.

Registration deadline for the A draw will be February 13.

Registration deadline for the C and B draws will be March 6.

With the increase in doubles participation over the past 12 months or so, this should be a very competitive event!

ORDER RESTORED

Boasters League round 3~~

So much for the “Vivio’s” surge. After thrusting themselves into top spot last week, they didn’t do themselves any favors this week by picking up a total of zero points. Given, they did have the round 3 bye; however they did not play any make up matches. Now, they fall back to 5^th position and once again it will appear they will be fighting to keep a play-off spot.

“Winky-Dinks” on the other hand, do what they do best: collect bonus points. Another 11 last night, giving them 29 for the three weeks, 6 better than the next best “Butter Nutz”. If only they played their matches like they turned up! They only reported 4 scores, but still have an 8 point lead over second placed “Mongoose”. “Winky-Dinks” sit out round 4 – let’s see if they also remain stationary.

Bringing up the rear are the familiar names of “Destiny” and “WallEED”. They aren’t too far behind, but everyone knows how hard is to play catch-up all season long.

“Mercedes” had another good showing this week picking up 22 points – the most of any team. They are now 4^th, and have the luxury of already having the bye week. The three teams above them are yet to do that.

Being the third Dividend last night, not a lot of matches were completed, but as always we did have some close results. Josh Slominski (“Butter Nutz”) somehow managed to fend off the lob / drop attack of Jerry Rock (“Mongoose”) for a 2-1 victory; Jim Miller (“Winky-Dinks”) was too steady for Margi Scholtes (“Foss-ters”) and took a 2-1 win; Elliot Shafer (“Mercedes”) continues to impress with his 2-1 won over Scott Langenburg (“Destiny”); and Glen Milligan (“Wardogs”) was just able to edge out Nick Scavone (“WallEED”) 2-1.

Week 4 is just around the corner – make-up matches are piling up quickly for many. Better do something about them before they overwhelm…

REMEMBER THE VIVIO’S?

Boasters League round 2~~

You know? The team captained by Rich Stimson? The team that won the Boasters League title last year? The team that lingered for the entire first half of this season in the bottom half of the standings? Well, they’re baaa-aaack! At least for this week. Playing against Rich’s arch nemesis, Patrick Petz and his squad “Mercedes”, the two teams completed 10 of 13 matches for round 2 – 4 more than any other team -  and each picked up 8 bonus points – also a week’s best.

The catapulted “Vivio’s” from 5^th to 1^st. It also catapulted “Mercedes” from 9^th to 8^th, which doesn’t sound like much, but considering “Mercedes” had the week one bye, it’s significant. Each team won 5 matches each, and in the result of the two captains, Rich won this particular battle 3-0 over Patrick – albeit in 3 close games. In other results, Elliot Shafer (“Mercedes”) jumped up 3 spots for the second half, but didn’t miss a step as he took care of Shail Arora (“Vivio’s”) 3-0; Peter Ulbrich is starting to find old form taking a 2-1 victory over Jon Walton, and Jerry Solomon proved too wily for Bill Rivard taking a 2-1 triumph.

Struggling out of the gate in 2013 is “Foss-ters” and “Wardogs”. They played only 1 match last night and between them only picked up 11 points – 8 of them bonus points. They will find themselves with an enormous mountain to climb in order to avoid being eliminated from the play-offs unless they start to get on court.

The much hyped about match of the week (not!) was between Sante Fratarcangeli (“Butter Nutz”) and Dave Devine (“WallEED”). It was 1 game all when I left them upstairs, Dave coming off the court with a little fist pump having taken the second game. His momentum clearly couldn’t be kept when 15 minutes later the 2 of them walked into my office – Sante’s wide grin on his face was all I needed to see. Dave’s fist was now nursing a beer.

Week 3 of the league is also the night of the second Blackballer Dividend. Matches will only be scheduled from 4.30pm to 7pm. All other matches are listed as self schedule so many of you will have some arranging to take care of. Make sure you do. Especially if you are a “Foss-ter” or “Wardog”. It will too late too quickly for you if you don’t.

WINKY-DINKS BACK AT IT

Boasters League round 1~~

Just where they left off mid December, the “Winky-Dinks” already are claiming top spot on the standings. Albeit by one point, but you can’t knock a healthy start. “WallEED” are in unfamiliar territory sitting in second place, and can probably attribute that to having played against the “Winky-Dinks”! The ladder is pretty close all the way down, and yes, its early going so not too much can be read into it right now. Although, I much rather be a “Winky-Dink” than a “Foss-ter” at this moment… (I’ll leave “Mercedes” out of the conversation since they had the bye).

It was a strong start to the second half of the season in terms of attendance. Not mind-blowing, but a good amount of matches and players were present. Scores of 2-1 seemed to be the order of the day, as over 70% of the results ended up that way. I like that. It means matches are competitive and close – just what the league should be.

The closest match of the evening went to Dave Devine (“WallEED”) and Kevin Kennedy (“Winky-Dinks”). Kevin won 2-1, but all 3 games were 15-14! You simply cannot get it any tighter! There is no way I could list all the matches that were 2-1 (well... I could, but I not going to) and I hope that this is an indication of what’s to come for the next 3 months or so: plenty of participation, plenty of close scores, and plenty of socializing. Now if everyone can make up plenty of matches too, we’d be all set. Which reminds me to say – like I do every start of the season – get your matches done! Don’t fall behind!

The season has once again kicked off full steam ahead. Let’s make the most active on record!

FARRIS CUP RUNNETH OVER US

When I wrote an article advertising the Farris Cup a month ago, I used words such as: “annihilation”; “slaughter”; “extermination”... Well, after Saturday, here are a few more: Decimation. Cataclysm. Ruination. Butchery. Need I go on?

By now, many of you have heard about the result of the 9th Annual Farris Cup versus the Birmingham Athletic Club. Before I get into into what happened, just let me go on record saying that the event is a wonderful creation of George Haggarty and Walter Oehrlein (BAC). The concept of the competition is to foster the relationship between the DAC and the BAC with  fierce-but-friendly match-play. Matches that - in the utopian squash world - should all go the distance and be decided in a 5th game tie-break. Of course that would be impossible, but I am sure you get the point. Unfortunately, since 2010, it had been anything but utopian.

There were seventeen matches this year. Fourteen singles and three doubles. Traditionally, the DAC has not performed well in the doubles. We have no argument here. The BAC top players are simply better than our top players. Although, we almost pulled a win out of the bag this year. In the A level, Kirk Haggarty and John Birgbauer took Mike Parks and Dave Cosgrove the distance. A long, excellent 5-setter we found ourselves on the wrong end of. It is not an uncommon theme. The DAC find themselves often falling short of the finish line in 5 set matches. Why? Because we don’t play enough. We cannot expect to win under such circumstances when we step on court sporadically at best, and don’t play events outside of the DAC walls. That’s a discussion for another day, and not the reason for our Farris Cup demise. We went down 3-1 in the Doubles B and 3-0 in the Senior category.

There were two other 5-setter on the day. Eric Green in the 5.0 level lost 3-2 to Terry Barr. It seems to be par for the course for Terry who has gone to 5 games for the past three years, this being the first one he ended up the victor. Eric was disappointed to lose of course but admitted he ran out of gas in the last game. A casualty of the point made above.

Tom MacFarlane performed admirably in his 5 set loss to Alan Howard in the 2.5 level. I had a lesson with Tom a couple of days before the match and laid out a game plan for him (sorry, Alan, but you were representing the enemy!). We were honestly not expecting Tom to win any games, but sticking to the strategy paid off very well. Not enough to take the match, but the well timed drops caught Alan lagging behind often and Tom earned his games.

Let’s sprinkle this report with a little good DAC news. Sante Fratarcangeli was the first player to put a scratch on the win column for us. Playing John Kello, Sante won the first game easily but John then removed his knee brace which appeared to loosen up his body but tighten up his squash for the second to even the score. Sante came out in third with improved length and the result was instant success. He took the game comfortably but again was in a dog fight for the fourth and had to stave off a couple of game balls to eventually take the match 3-1.

DAC Club Champion Pablo Buitron was in the much anticipated bout against BAC number one Jon Uffelman. Jon is a great competitor. Awkward style with a two-handed backhand, very strong (some would say “bullish”), niggly, and doesn’t know when to quit. Pablo is very smooth, quick, has great hands, and seems impossible to fluster. Contrasting approaches and personalities, it was an interesting match. Pablo controlled much of the match and won the first two games comfortably - not easily, but not overly stressful either. For the third, Jon took advantage of a few loose shots and with his ability to hit winners generated a big enough lead to hold off Pablo’s mini comeback. It did look, however, that Jon was tiring. The fourth game went similarly like the first two and Pablo won the entertaining battle 3-1.

Of the eleven other singles matches, one went 3-1, and the remaining ten were 3-0. And we lost every single one of them. Given, a couple of our players carried injuries, but that’s no excuse. If you are on court, you are fair game. Before Sante had won his match, the DAC had already lost the first 10 results and therefore the Farris Cup. The same as last year. For 2013, we lost 2 matches to 15. In the last three years, we have won 8 matches to the BAC’s 39. Now, I don’t have an issue losing, but something is wrong with that scenario.

The Farris Cup is a tradition that should continue. It should continue to include the players from all the levels (2.5 - 5.5), but it should continue as a competitive event. Right now, it’s not. I can assure you that the DAC has no interest in being BAC’s chump year in year out in the name of tradition.

Like on all the articles on The Squash Joint, comments are welcomed and encouraged. I am sure this will generate a few. I ask you keep them civil and constructive.

SQUASH SHOTS XIV

The “Mickies” Awards for 2012

It’s time for the much unanticipated and irrelevant “Mickies” Awards for 2012. As I look back at the fantastic year we had, all the laughs, the successes and heartbreaking failures, it gives me a reason to flip through all the photos I snapped of you, select the less than flattering ones, and splatter then mercilessly with sarcastic comments all over the internet. On top of that, winners don’t receive any prize except the fame and zero fortune you will receive for being published. Without further ado, I announce the lucky victors…

The “Eyes Wide Shut” award goes to… Don Eugenio and Dan Follis!

Naturally there is no better way to prepare for a doubles match than sleeping. Conserving energy is an important skill to be a successful player and no one does that better than Don and Dan. And not just off the court either, as on the court they are equally adept! Experience is something you cannot be taught, and I’m sure the two are also visualizing (dreaming?) their upcoming contest, perfecting their strategies and thinking up classic one-liners to throw at each other when one of them makes an error.

The “Oh where, Oh where is Ginger Bear?” award goes to… Ken MacDonald!

Tragically, the DAC squash family lost one of its most beloved members. No, no, Ken MacDonald didn’t die, he decided the grass would be greener (and more mountainous, scenic, prosperous, relaxing, safer, better) in some God forbidden place called “Colorado”. (Anyone ever heard of it?) How anyone can say ‘good-bye’ to Detroit and venture away from this paradisiacal kingdom is a mystery more baffling than the Bermuda Triangle. One thing we know for sure, is that he will definitely miss the Detroit Athletic Club since there is no comparison anywhere to be found.

  

The “Fashion Faux Pas” award goes to… Sante Fratarcangeli!

 

Much has already been mentioned about Sante’s choice of squash attire. How he thought of the inside-out tracksuit pants can probably be attributed to a heavy night on the town in a foggy moment of pure cluelessness. Maybe he was attempting to set a new trend among his fellow players – which by the way we are all very thankful it didn’t catch on – or it was possibly an innocent mistake of putting them on inside-out without realizing. Either way we can thank our lucky stars his ‘mistake’ was not wearing his underpants on the outside in an attempt to emulate Superman.

The “This Isn’t So Hard” award goes to… Anil Kathuria and Elliot Shafer!

In a moment of enlightenment, Elliot and Anil decide to put together a pre-Thanksgiving tournament with one week’s notice. A wonderful gesture to take on all the organizational work required, however it was quickly apparent that they did not realize what they were getting themselves into. I have never spent so much time organizing an event I had virtually nothing to do with. Despite the headaches it created for the pair, the attempt of running a squash tournament during one of the busiest catering times of the year, the lack of court availability, the event went swimmingly well. They truly did a magnificent job. I for one am thankful that now at least a couple of members experienced what I go through every event.  But let’s see if they take on this task next year…

HERE COMES THE CLASSIC

DAC Squash Classic Feb 14-17

Yes, yes, if you are reading this, you can now enter the 2013 DAC Squash Classic. And, if you have no doubt that you want to play, do it immediately. Don’t wait. Last year, we reached registration capacity 10 days before the set deadline. I expect this year will not be any different. In fact it may fill up even quicker. Many hotel rooms have been reserved already, and I have received numerous requests about the tournament. The legend of this event is spreading.

By now, most of you know how this works. We offer 7 singles categories: 2.5; 3.0; 3.5; 4.0; 4.5; 5.0; 5.5 and 3 doubles categories: A; B; C. You are allowed to enter a maximum of 2 events, but do so at your own peril. Remember, entering 2 singles categories will get you at least 4 matches, and if you are (un)lucky enough to win a few of them you could be like a couple of players over the past years that play 10! Also, the DAC Classic is known for the socializing. Commonly the socializing hampers the ability of some to fulfill their 2 category obligation and forfeits are unwittingly awarded which leaves the opposing player with a bad taste in their mouth – something we absolutely would like to avoid.

So, if you do enter 2 categories, please do so with the knowledge that you are expected to play all of your matches. Even if it is scheduled for 8am Sunday…

Here are the most significant details that everybody must adhere to and accept when entering:

• Maximum 32 players in any on singles category
• Maximum 16 teams in any one doubles category
• Any player entering the ‘A’ doubles is NOT permitted to play the ‘C’ doubles regardless of partner. In layman’s terms – no sandbagging.
• Minimum 2 matches per singles draw
• Minimum 1 match per doubles draw
• Walkovers / forfeits count a match
• Maximum 145 entries for the entire tournament.
• Minimum age to enter the tournament is 13
• All singles matches is PAR to 11 scoring

One more essential point – we do not have referees for the matches. Players are on their own. We expect that all players will be fair and conduct themselves accordingly in regards to interference situations on court. Any disagreement should result in a compromise. We have not used referees for 9 years – and we have had hardly any issues. Let’s keep it that way.

The popularity of the DAC Classic has also created the need to offer a ‘spouse’ rate. This rate is only for the spouse (or partner) of an entrant that will not be playing in the tournament but will be present for the weekend and wishes to join in on all the meals and the Saturday night dinner / dance. The rate will be $85. You will not find the item on the entry form, please just let me know when entering that your better half will be accompanying you.

Match times. Because of the limited amount of court space we have and the fact that we max it all out, you MUST make yourself available for the following times throughout the weekend. Once the first round times have been sent out, changes will not be made – it will be up to you to arrange your schedule accordingly:

For players in the Detroit area – including Ann Arbor, Lansing, Toledo, Windsor:

• Thursday, February 14 between 4pm and 11pm
• Friday, February 15 between 3pm and midnight
• Saturday, February 16 between 8am and 8pm
• Sunday, February 17 between 8am and 4pm 

For all other players:

• Friday, February 15 between 3pm and midnight
• Saturday, February 16 between 8am and 8pm
• Sunday, February 17 between 8am and 4pm

If you are from London and you can play on Thursday, please let me know. This will help me avoid arranging first round matches with your fellow club members. (It may be unavoidable anyway, but it still helps.)

Finally, take a moment to read through the list below- it is because of these very generous members that the DAC Classic runs at the elite level it can. Without their support, we’d just be another tournament. Please thank them if / when you meet them at the event:

• Skidmore Inc – Patrick Petz
• Smith Barney – Sean Moran
• Advanced Voice and Data Solutions – Anil Kathuria
• Corbet, Shaw, Essad, Tucciarone, Bonasso – Bruce Shaw
• SVS Vision – Ken Stann
• Metropolitan Baking – George Kordas
• AARO Companies – Tom Fabbri
• Adlhoch and Associates – Scott Adlhoch
• Outrigger Imaging – Joe Schaden 

As mentioned above – do not hesitate. If your category is full – or the tournament has reached capacity - you will be placed onto a waitlist. Entry will ONLY be accepted with payment. You can e-mail me, snail mail me, call me. On-line registration is not possible. We accept credit card, check. (Or member number for DAC members). If you need me to e-mail you an entry form, just ask! Registration deadline is February 1 (or until capacity has been reached – which is more likely).

THE SQUASH POET #11

Did you receive everything you wished for on Christmas morning? Don’t you find it gets harder and harder year after year not only to find gifts for your loved ones but also to figure out what you want yourself? My wife asked me multiple times what I would like, and I couldn’t think of one single thing. Lucky for me, she figured out some stuff and I ended up with a nice little swag in the end. This poem was posted on the squashsite.com forum a few years ago. The Squash Poet was rather specific in his wishes, however it appears Santa couldn’t be so accommodating…

Oh! Magical Santa with beard so white

Come down my chimney on Christmas night

You possibly can’t get my gift-list wrong

I’ve been so nice the whole year long

I picked up my socks, I drank a bit less

I told my wife she looked thin in that dress

Just one little gift, nothing more, and then

I’ll never ask for another ever again!

The Squash Poet

"Twas the Night After Christmas"

‘Twas the night after Christmas, and I’m standing on court,

Eager to try out what Santa had brought.

I sent him a letter of the one thing I request,

Sent it one-hundred times so he wouldn’t forget,

And just to be sure that he knew what it be,

I told him many times more when I sat on his knee,

And I prayed really hard every night for a year,

Sure that this one thing would ignite my career.

So, I’m alone on the ‘T’, not a sound can be heard,
Just moments away to have my wish answered,

I feed myself the ball with a casual fling,

And pull back my racquet and get ready to swing,

I hit the ball hard with all of my might,

But missed with the strings and hit with graphite,

The air went from my lungs as I committed the sin,

And watched the ball crash loudly in the middle of the tin,

I tried it again and again, the result was the same,

How could I possibly keep hitting the frame?

The sound of the tin kept echoing through,

Nothing had changed, I could see that was true!

Through my tears and my moaning, I felt so dismayed,

How could Santa do this, I felt so betrayed!

For the one thing I wished for turned into disaster,

All I wanted was to be made into the squash master!

Was it possible that Santa couldn’t fit it in his sack?

He seemed to have space for my 5-underwear-pack,

But alas, I feared, it was never meant to be,

Asking Santa wasn’t the path to squash glory,

So I’ll enjoy Christmas as it is and hope you all do the same,

And accept that just being nice won’t improve my game,

But there are more ways than one, and I’ll find a way,

And since Christmas won’t work, I’ll wish it for my birthday!

The Squash Poet

THE INCREDI-BALLS - TAKE 6

Purely Astonishing

You may or may not have seen this. It has been making the rounds on social media ever since it spawned from a match between Egyptians Ramy Ashour and Mohamed El Shorbagy during the recent PSA World Championship in Qatar. Even if you have seen it, it is worth a least another look or two. And I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to share it with you all.

Let me set the scene: Ashour and Shorbagy are playing the final of the 2012 PSA World Championship. Ashour has won a world title before and at the tender age of 25 can almost be considered a veteran. His rise to the top of the rankings was meteoric. He joined the tour in November 2004, was in the top 50 within 12 months, the top 10 a year after that and, was ranked number 1 for the first time in December 2010 and will once again regain that ranking come January.

Shorbagy is almost just as impressive. Currently only 21 years old, he joined the tour in ’06. It took him just over 2 years to reach the top 50, before getting into the top 10 in September 2010. He has yet to break into the top 5, but will do just that come January. Wise beyond his years, he beat the current world number 1 James Willstrop in the semi final of this tournament 11-8 in the 5^th in 124 minutes. Previous to this match, Shorbagy has played Ashour twice on tour, losing 3-0 on both occasions.

Now, on the biggest squash stage in the world, in the biggest, most important match of the year, during the PSA World Championship final, this rally happened. The score was 2 games to 1 for Ashour and 9-9 in the fourth game. There could hardly be any more pressure in this situation. Ramy is 2 points from winning his second world title and rather than go defensive, Shorbagy decides to throw all caution to the wind and produces this gem of a rally:

  

To play a back-corner-between-the-legs-forehand-drop in this situation left me speechless. The finishing kill shot was the strawberry on top of what must be one of the best rallies I have ever seen. Even for the fact that Ramy returned the drop amazed me too! I hope the IOC was watching.

Shorbagy ended up winning the fourth game but lost the fifth 11-8. The match took 90 minutes. I doubt this was his last PSA World Championship final. Another Egyptian has risen to the top. I can assure you, there are more where he came from. Scary thing is, it’s many more.

DOUBLES CENTENARIANS

Doubles 100 Tournament~~

… 98… 99… 100! Ah! Just completed my set of 100 sit-ups for the day. For some reason, the number ‘100’ is a popular benchmark. NFL running backs are considered to have good day if they rush for at least 100 yards, a lot of rankings come in ‘top 100…’, my wife won’t consider playing the lottery unless the prize is at least 100 million dollars (as if we couldn’t live on less). It seems that just because it is the first 3-digit number, it is far superior than 99. Oh poor, forgettable 99. Forever looked down upon as the underachiever.

… 98… 99 …100! That was my set of push-ups. Anyway, speaking of 100, it is your task to venture out and find yourself a doubles playing partner that together your ages will be at least 100 years old. Not 99, because it only has 2 digits, but 100. Then with your winning combination of experience and youthful exuberance, just let me know if you wish to play in the A or B category.

All matches will be best of 5 games, knock-out draw with no consolation. Each match will have a deadline for completion and it will be your task to get that match in within time given or risk a default. Be prepared to be flexible with your time and respect your fellow member’s schedules. There is a lot more court usage going on so you will need to contact each other early to make sure you can book the time you prefer. If you plan on being away for a couple of weeks between January and March, then my suggestion would be to sit this one out.

And please, when you enter, do so with a partner. Entering a doubles tournament as an individual doesn’t quite work. So start researching, and strive to reach the ‘100’ milestone. Entry deadline is Friday, January 4. The draws will be released on Tuesday, January 8. The winners of each category will receive a personalized shirt.

So, without further ado, back to my daily exercises. Now, chin-ups. 1… 2… 3…

SIMPLY SPECTACULAR

The Stars of the Show - David Palmer and Thierry Lincou

Superlatives continue to fly. And they will continue to be thrown around for while to come. When you have two legends of the game, players who have graced the pinnacle of the sport, present a show in front of 100 plus members of the caliber that left all of us in complete astonishment, admiration and many times bewilderment, one cannot help but feel inspired. David Palmer and Thierry Lincou proved to all of us how squash can be art, a dance, an amusement, a gladiatorial combat, and a pure entertainment spectacle all rolled into one.

Leading up to that big moment, we also had a number of member matches going on. – 17 of them. I split the players onto two teams: “Palmer’s House of Pain” and “Lincou’s Larrikans”. In the grand scheme of things, the results of the matches didn’t mean anything, the winning team didn’t receive a prize and the losing team wasn’t punished. But that didn’t stop anyone from busting a lung or two from trying to win. We had four matches stretch into the 5^th game and seven matches go 3-1.

Anil Kathuria signed up for double duty. His first match was just a warm-up as he took the 3-0 win before he hopped back on court with Chuck Doyle. (Chuck’s initial opponent cancelled last minute.) Chuck pushed him the entire way and one would think a 5-setter would suit the fresher player, but Anil found his way to the finishing line first to take the victory. It is Anil’s 5^th win in a row over Chuck, so possibly a mental edge made the difference. Chip McDaniel battled his way to a 3-2 triumph over Joe Schaden, a tough win no doubt and it always looks as if Chip is about to keel over at match end. Somehow he avoids collapse long enough to grab a beer which seems to suddenly revive him.

The closest match of the evening was between Sante Fratarcangeli and David Devine. These two have developed a healthy love-love-relationship which manifests itself in back-and-forth in e-mails taking pot-shots at each other. It’s trash talking at its finest and on court they want nothing more than to destroy the other. They almost achieved in destroying themselves as the match was decided in a 5^th game tie-break with Sante sneaking out a 13-11 win. David looked a lot like Chip did after the match, as if he’d been run over by an 18-wheeler. Naturally, it wasn’t anything a couple of quick trips to the keg couldn’t fix. Sante of course pronounced that the result was never in doubt.

Just for the record, Lincou’s Larrikans won the Hops Challenge 10 matches to 7. It was time for the big boys.

The feedback I have been receiving has all been exceedingly positive. It’s interesting to see member’s perspective once they have witnessed squash at this level for the first time. The main theme I hear: “control”. And it’s not just ball control. Which, by the way, is borderline inhumanly consistent. The ability to still hit tight and accurate even when the body is deformed and twisted into cringe worthy uncomfortable angles defies logic. Surely they are contortionists as well. Which leads to the next type of control: body control. How in the name of all that is holy, do they maintain the balance when they are in such situations? How do they manage to turn blind, reach out like Stretch Armstrong, lunge that low, get their racquet underneath the ball that should have bounced three times by now, and still flick the wrist and either hit a perfect drop, a beautiful lob so high that the ball comes down with ice crystals, a trickle boast, or against all laws of physics – a cracking length?



Post-match Q and A

David and Thierry put on a production. We saw the squash in all dimensions. The already mentioned control; the incredible touch; the blinding pace; lightning reactions; implausible angles; mind-blowing nicks; squash not just up, down and sideways, but it also seemed to transcend time. It was exhibition squash as you’d expect it to be: trick shots, humorous banter, ridiculous winners. They played 4 games, winning 2 games apiece. We would have liked a fifth, but to be fair the 3^rd game was 21-19 so they really did play 2 games in one for that!

At the conclusion of the match, the players took time in for a Q and A session with the spectators – a lovely touch. They then mingled in with everyone drinking a few beers and meeting and greeting as many as possible. We could not have planned the event any better.

A huge thank you to Joe McManus – PST commissioner – for setting this up for us. One of the main reasons for it was to promote the PST World Championship that we will be hosting May 3-5, 2013. We are privileged to be running this event until at least 2015. We hope this got you excited. By the reaction so far, I am sure it did – and I can promise you the squash will be even more spectacular when they play for the real thing in six months!

PIPPED AT THE POST

Boasters League first half final standings~~

Persistence paid off. This is a perfect example of the value of an active captain. Going into the final week, “Winky-Dinks” were 13 points behind the league leading “Butter Nutz” who had occupied that spot since round 4. A determined Justin Winkelman then not only started to e-mail his own team to get matches completed, but also the opposing players to play as well. Now, that’s not to say that other captains weren’t active. Sante Fratarcangeli was also a great communicator with his “Butter Nutz” team, and a major reason they did very well this half season, but Justin has raised the bar.

That one point loss will be a bitter pill to swallow for Sante and his team, which should make the second half even more competitive. When these two teams played each other this half, “Butter Nutz” won 28-25, a close result no doubt. So has a rivalry been created here? And what about Patrick Petz and his team “Mercedes”? He always seems to be lurking nearby and his 3^rd place finish won’t satisfy him much so we can anticipate better performances come January.

As for the teams that finished 5^th -9^th , they were miles behind the top four and will need to turn themselves around to have any chance of making a statement for the finals in March. An energetic captain makes all the difference – pushing their players to get on court, to turn up for the bonus point, to communicate and be positive. Your players want to know they are part of a team.

The half season statistics reflect rather accurately the final standings:

• Overall, 76% of the matches were completed. One of the highest half season percentages ever.
• Round 2 had 88 ½ % of matches completed, or 46 of 52 matches.
• “Butter Nutz” played the most matches completing 87% of them. “Winky-Dinks” completed 86%
• On the other end of the scale, “WallEED” completed only 69% of their matches.
• “Destiny” had the lowest match completion with 66%.
• “Butter Nutz” also had the best winning percentage with 60%. “Mercedes” also had 60%. “Winky-Dinks” won 55% of their matches.
• The lowest winning percentage was 38% by “Mongoose”.
• Overall, 57% of the matches ended up with a 2-1 score.
• The reason “Winky-Dinks” still ended up on top? Bonus Points. They accumulated 74 of them at an average of over 9 per week – a remarkable achievement. That’s fifteen – yes, 15 – better than the next best “Butter Nutz”.
• “Destiny” picked up the least amount of bonus points with 28. In week 5, only 1 player of the team turned up. (It was Halloween mind you. “Foss-ters” didn’t have any player show that night, “Winky-Dinks” had 9.)
• Eight players picked up all 8 bonus points.
• 26 players completed all 8 matches. That, I think, is a record.
• Only one player played all 8 matches and went undefeated – Hans Flick (“Destiny”). He scored over 18% of his team’s total.

Not that the league is supposed to be an individual one, we do reward the best point getters at each level for the entire October – March duration. We call these players the “All Stars”. At the half-way mark, below are the 13 players who currently lead their level. As teams will be rearranged for the second half, anyone moving up or down will carry their first half points with them to add to the second half. Scores include all bonus points as well.



Hans Flick



1. Manny Tancer (“Winky-Dinks”)
2. Al Iafrate (“Winky-Dinks”)
3. Sante Fratarcangeli (“Butter Nutz”)
4. Greg Baker (“Winky-Dinks”)
5. Tom Healy (“Winky-Dinks”)
6. A 3-way tie! Chuck Doyle (“Butter Nutz”); Dane Fossee (“Foss-ters”); JB Peabody (“Mercedes”)
7. Elliot Shafer (“Vivio’s”)
8. Brian Bartes (“Destiny”)
9. Ted Morris (“Wardogs”)
10. Tom Delaney (“Winky-Dinks”)
11. Tom MacEachern (“Mercedes”)
12. Chris Moyer (“Butter Nutz”)
13. Hans Flick (“Destiny”)

The second half will start on January 9. All teams start from scratch and will be fighting for the 6 play-off spots, meaning the bottom 3 teams will be eliminated. I was very pleased with the attendance for the first half and hopefully we can keep the momentum rolling.

TWAS 18 NIGHTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS…

And no one cared win or lose, all the eager squash players, just wanted to booze… Well, I’m partially right. I’m sure many were also here to play some squash which was the reason for the festive gathering in the first place. The 9^th annual Holiday Tournament got underway on Friday, December 7 with 16 participants fighting over the order they were to choose their gift from the offerings. The sooner you pick the better chance of getting some much desired Christmas ‘spirit’!

Patrick Petz and Sante. Damn ugly elves...

This year we must have had the widest range of standard so far. From Derek Aguirre who is about a 5.0 player to beginners. I do have to make special mention to Allie Penz and Margi Scholtes who have only been playing for a very short period of time but have decided to jump into such events head first. It can be rather intimidating – but nothing a bottle of wine couldn’t solve, huh ladies? Rest assured, you are a very welcome addition.

A big part of this event is luck of the draw. The first round is completely random, so anyone can literally play anyone else. Sante Fratarcangeli was feeling pretty good about his early rounds performances after winning his first 2 matches 2-0, then tying with Rich Stimson 1-1. He was sitting pretty in second place at this stage. Unfortunately, for his final match he had to play Derek. He put up a valiant effort, played some fine points but Derek was simply too tough and steady and took the 2-0 win. The result pushed Sante from outright second to equal 3^rd with 4 other players.

One of the most improved players this year has been Elliot Shafer. A strong lad that appears to have fallen victim to a squash addiction – so much so that he organized his own tournament (with Anil Kathuria) at Thanksgiving  - his consistent playing is paying off for him. Elliot had 2 tough matches to start off – one with Patrick Petz and one with Rich Stimson. Not even 4 months ago, one wouldn’t have thought twice about who would win these match-ups, but not anymore. Elliot tied 1-1 with both of them.  



Dane Fosse and Elliot Shafer



Another quick improver this year has been Elliot’s practice buddy, Dane Fossee. Dane’s path for this event was a little easier to start off. He won his first 2 matches 2-0 before having to endure the wrath of Derek in his third match. For his final match, he had to play Elliot. Dane has the advantage of knowing Elliot’s game well. It was one of the best matches of the evening as both players extended the rallies with great retrievals. Justifiably, it ended in a 1-1 tie and both players earned a third place.

We also saw the classic Petz-Stimson match for round 4. The rivalry tends to make both players step-up their game a little which would have been tough to do after a couple hours of drinking. Rich Stimson got the better of Patrick this time around with a close 2-0 victory.

The gift choosing went swimmingly well. All but 2 of them were alcohol, one of them being a handful of worker’s tools which fell into Allie’s hands at the end. Not sure how gifted she is with a hammer, but if it is anything like me it will spend the majority of its existence in the darkness of the basement. There is no new items to add to the ‘banned substances’ list this year, but there is a couple of things to add (or start) a ‘do not’ list.

1. Do not ask the squash pro to ‘take care’ of the gift for you. It is not my job to gather and wrap your entry. If you don’t have “time” to get the gift yourself, I am sure you have a secretary or wife to do it for you. (I am, believe it or not, neither of those things.)
2. Do not turn on your cell phone to play Christmas carols during the event, and then lock it so no one can turn it off. Tunes with jingle bells in them should be forbidden. I would like to thank Mike McCuish who wrapped up the phone in a couple of towels and put it aside to save us from its merciless torture worse than a knife to the head. I am all for Christmas spirit, but ‘pa-rum-pa-pa-pum’ and ‘come all ye faithful’ have no business at a squash tournament.

So the final standings for this year’s Holiday Tournament are as follows:

1^st – Derek Aguirre – 8 points

2^nd – Rich Stimson – 6 points

3^rd – Sante Fratarcangeli; Chuck Doyle; Dane Fossee; Elliot Shafer; James Van Dyke – 5 points

Thank you to all who participated!

 

The Christmas Crew!