Excuses? There are none. If you walk on the court, you are fair game. The simple truth is that when you lose, your opponent was a better player than you on the day. However, each and every one of us searches for some explanation to appease ourselves of those losses. It is actually common to hear excuses before the match starts, just to insert that little nugget of doubt into your opponents head that any victory he may be getting will have an asterisk next to it. Any loss should motivate you to work harder next time. The Squash Poet, however, does not quite see it that way!
With all things being equal it’s clear to all
That I am the one who hits a better ball
But with every victory I am denied
The fate of the Gods is on your side
I’m stronger and faster, fitter and braver
But the cookie always crumbles in your favor
I’m full of excuses with each infraction
To take away your winning satisfaction!
The Squash Poet
“Not my Fault”
(Sung to the tune of “Beat It” by Michael Jackson)
I’m sick and tired of losing every damn game,
The whole world is against me so I’m not to blame,
No matter how I try it always ends the same,
Not my fault, not my fault.
I would have won the match but my ankle hurts me,
And I strained my back last week along with my knee,
Plus the three broken ribs and the lobotomy,
Not my fault, I’m doing my best….
Chorus:
Not my fault, my fault, my fault
The vendetta against me won’t halt,
It’s a conspiracy I can’t comprehend,
Before the match starts I’m already condemned,
Not my fault, my fault
Not my fault, my fault
Not my fault, my fault
Not my fault, my fault
The court was too cold and the lights were too bright,
The ball was too fast and my shorts too tight,
I was too tired to run, I didn’t sleep at all last night,
Not my fault, not my fault.
The referee wouldn’t give me that stroke,
My racquet wasn’t right, I think my strings had broke,
My opponents under-graded and the rankings are a joke,
Not my fault, I’m doing my best…
Chorus
(Bonus verses...)
I’m working too much, crashed on the highway,
I ate some bad food at the work buffet,
Santa Clause hit me with his reindeer sleigh,
Not my fault, not my fault.
Tornado came down; there was a major earthquake,
Tsunami wiped me out, an Ebola outbreak,
I was caught in a gang war and got shot by mistake,
Not my fault, I’m doing my best…
Chorus
(More bonus verses...)
I give you these excuses before we get on court,
I give you these excuses before we get on court,
Maybe you’ll go easy if I am distraught,
It’s got nothing to do that I’m a real bad sport,
Not my fault, not my fault.
It’s my safety net if you happen to win,
Since I’m not man enough to take it on the chin,
I’ve never lost when I’m fit and that’s the real sin,
Not my fault, I’m doing my best…
