THE HALF –WAY WINNERS

Boasters league round 9~~

It didn’t take a genius to see that Butter Nutz were going to end up on top of the standings this half. It did, however, end up a little closer than I thought it would. The idle Wardogs for round 9 did a fairly decent job in picking up 24 points in makeup matches keeping themselves within arm’s reach but in the end that’s all it was. In a bizarre twist, the team that actually picked up the most points in the final week? Foss Nation. Not that it helped them. Way too little way too late – but at least they didn’t end up last.

Below are the stats for the first half. They will show that play was down noticeably this first half compared to previous seasons. I do not have any clue why that would be the case. Let’s hope that this is only an anomaly and not a trend going forward.

• Only 78% of matches were completed. Way down on the record set 2 years ago of 85%. In match terms, that’s 43 less matches played.
• Four teams played over 80% of their matches with Wardogs leading the way. They played 87% - actually not too far off the league record of 91%.
• On the Rocks played the league amount of matches with 71%. The lowest percentage of matches played last season first half was 76%
• Foss Nation played 76% of their matches – good for 6^th in the league. But their winning percentage was by far the lowest with just 34.6%.
• Nicker Ballers had the best winning percentage with 63%. But they played just 72% of their matches which is why they only ended up 6^th.
• Butter Nutz’ score of 280 would have been good for just 3^rd on the standings last year first half. Wardogs would have been 4^th.
• Butter Nutz picked up the most bonus points for the half with 91. Nowhere near what the most a team picked up last year first half – 108.
• Least amount of bonus points was On the Rocks with 67. That’s an average of less than half the team per week showing up.
• Only 14 players picked up all 8 bonus points. 7 players didn’t pick up any.
• Only 26 players played all 8 matches. Last year first half – 36.
• Of those 26 players, 4 of them went undefeated: Matt Paradiso (Mongoose); Chris Ferlito (Nicker Ballers); Brandon Tasco (Butter Nutz); Jason Currie (Winky-Dinks). Of those 4, Matt Paradiso (Mongoose) scored the most points overall with 31. 
• Most points scored in any 1week was 43 by the Butter Nutz in round 6. Least amount of points scored in any week was 14 by On the Rocks in round 9.
• Not once were all 17 matches completed in any one round. 16 matches were completed 7 times.
• Round 2 had the most matches completed with 89%.

As you can determine, the numbers are not exactly outstanding. Hopefully we will see an uptick for the second half that starts on January 9. A couple of things to remember and take to heart in order to help the league be a great success for all involved: Firstly, it is a Wednesday league. It should be on your calendar automatically that this evening is put aside for the boasters. Yes, things come up. Yes, half of your matches are self-schedule. But please make every effort to make Wednesday night your squash league night. And secondly: communicate. I hear all too often that some players are simply not returning e-mails and / or phone calls. It is simply courtesy to respond and reach out to your opponents. Let’s make this the greatest league in the history of squash! (I’m not asking much!!). That being said, I hope you all have a great Holiday season and I look forward to seeing everyone swinging their racquet come January!

SHARING THE SPOILS

Holiday Tournament - December 7, 2018

Who doesn’t just love Christmas? Especially since it’s only about 30 days after Thanksgiving and you are still scraping off the last dust particles of your extended family visitations, the last taste of the turkey leftovers from your taste buds and swearing off poultry for at least 11 months, and wiping away the last tears of the Detroit Lions public holiday display of complete ineptitude. All, just in time to repeat the entire fiasco anew. (Except for the Lions. There is only so much agony and abuse a Michigander can take.)

Julie. Just... awesome!

Welcoming in the joyous season, there is nothing better playing squash with the traditional annual Holiday Tournament. It’s a Swiss system style format where everyone gets 4 matches, against random opponents, no handicapping. Why they call it the ‘Swiss’ system is anyone’s guess unless for some reason they lay claim to inventing it which would be hard to prove and I’m sure no one really cares anyway. I digress. To get into the Christmas spirit, I do encourage all attendees to dress in appropriate garb. The more hideous the better. We did see some green and red combinations, Greg Allare’s red short shorts raised a few eyebrows, maybe he was going for the 1980 John McEnroe look…? Julie Vande Vusse once again treated us to the most stunningly grotesque squash shirt that she enchantingly repulsed us with last year, reminding us that beauty and ugliness can indeed live in harmony. The perfect Yin and Yan combo. I want one. And yet… I don’t. And Janie Franklin was simply adorable in her headband / reindeer ears, a perfectly amusing and novel way to spread the cheer!

 

Henry Gembis and Janie Franklin

Twenty-four registrations. That’s the max for this event since any more and we’d be playing until midnight. One player informed me 3 hours before the start time that he wasn’t able to play (Grrrr~!) but miraculously turned up 10 minutes early anyway to take part. (Yay! But.. huh?) Unfortunately, we still did have 2 1/2 no shows. I have no idea why 2 of them stayed away (I didn’t send enough e-mails?) but we know exactly why we had a half absentee. Steve Brown is a smart guy. At least that’s the word on the street. He was the first person to register for this tournament, so I know he received my e-mails. And all my reminder e-mails. And all the reminder e-mails to the reminder e-mails. Plus the final reminder e-mail. I am also pretty sure they all said the tournament started at 5pm. So why he thought it was 7.30pm is a mystery that even Steve admitted he can’t solve. Kudos to the man however - he did eventually turn up, with gift in hand and took all the ribbing in good stride. He was also allowed to take part in the post tournament gift choosing ceremony where he appropriately ended up with the pumpkin (?) pie. Ahhh, Steve we will miss you next year.

So onto the squash. It is an important part of the evening, otherwise there would be little point gathering them all and providing a keg, right? The appeal I find of this event, is that who really wins is irrelevant. Since there is no handicapping, the top ranked players will end up with the most points. But this format gives everybody a chance to play against members they would typically never meet up with otherwise. That being said, we do on occasion end up with a final order that would not reflect our club ranking.

We had 2 players sharing first place - Jeff Gembis and Greg Allare. Greg’s biggest victory of the evening was his third match where he took out JC Tibbitts 3 games to zero. That set him up going into the 4th and final match with a 1 point lead over the rest of the field. Jeff’s most important result was in his second match, taking out Colin Bayer 2-1. Jeff was 1 point behind Greg heading into his 4th match. He played Joey Gaylord and held off the resistance - just - to take all 3 games putting a little pressure on Greg to win all 3 of his if he was to become the sole victor. Let me introduce this year’s spoiler, Brandon Tasco. Now on paper, I don’t think anyone would predict a Tasco victory. And you’d be right, Brandon didn’t win. But, he did take the third game and thus preventing Greg from hogging the spotlight all on his own, forcing him to hold hands with Jeff atop the podium. For Brandon’s sake, his reward was ending up a surprise second place, also holding hands here with David de la Nacho-Chapo-Torre.

Third place was dished out between JC Tibbitts, Colin Bayer and John Rogers, and a couple pleasant surprises for fourth: Matt Paradiso and Julie Vande Vusse, along with Joey Gaylord.

 

The Christmas Crew!

As usual, the presentation went very smoothly, I hope everyone was very happy with their gift. I certainly was - and I sincerely thank you all for it as well. Once again, I haven’t heard of anything that needs to be added to the banned substances list, although I was asked that since the new law that recently passed in Michigan, if any allowances would be made for that. Just let me say, as long as my surname is “Joint”, ironically, he answer is an emphatic “no”. Wishing you  all a Merry Christmas!

DAVID V GOLIATH

Hops Challenge ~ Wednesday, December 19

Another year has just about come and gone and it’s around this time when we really start thinking about Christmas and what we have done over the past 12 months that deserves recognition from that weirdo fat dude in the red velvety suit. I for one have been a very good boy. I made sure I cleaned behind my ears, didn’t eat too much candy, and didn’t watch too many cartoons on Saturday morning. I can’t vouch for all the rest of you, but odds are some of you are definitively on the naughty list.

This time of the year also means we host the annual Hops Challenge! The only time when we can ALL feel like we are on Santa’s Nice List regardless of all the transgressions and bad behavior we may have indulged in… except for one chosen member: The loser of the Hops Challenge. Here we can enjoy the cool, soothing brewskie at the expense of someone else. The best tasting beer in the world is the one someone else pays for, right?

Register to play a match and I will assign you an opponent. Singles or doubles. If appropriate, we can count it for the December box ladders as well. This is your warm-up for the main event, to get your taste buds up and excited, feel like a winner even if you lose, and watch the important bout of the evening. The bout where the loser will pay for the keg…

So….

“Let’s get ready to rummmmmmbllllle….!”

In the right corner, weighing in at a shadow of his former self with 245 pounds, hardly recognizable to himself, his wife, his kids, (and the best disguise against his top ten FBI wanted poster), currently residing in the cool and hip village of Ann Arbor, but apparently not cool enough since he’ll be shipping out to the humid Hell of the south in St. Louis early next year, coming in with a 2018 record of 30 wins and 16 losses, the thrills-and-spills-of racquet-skills, the I’d-fight-Sasquatch-for-a-glass-of-scotch… STEVE – “I-own-Ryan-MacVoy” – BROWN!!

And…

In the left corner, weighing in at a run-of-the-mill 175 pounds, recently taking on the roll as a father and therefore sacrificing any and all requirements of sleep, self-grooming, personal space and spending money on yourself, an inhabitant of the fantasy biosphere of Birmingham, where any product more than 4 weeks old is no longer trendy, coming in with a 2018 record of 33 wins and 21 losses, the slash-and-dash-faster-than-Flash, the burning-rubber-squash-scrubber… RILEY – “run-faster-run-faster-run-faster-run-faster” – ENGLISH!!

A true David v Goliath match-up! This will be the 10^th meeting between the two, with Steve holding a very narrow 5 to 4 margin. Only 2 of the results were 3-0, so it’s bound to be an epic encounter. Make sure you park yourself outside court 7 at 7pm for all the action!

And make sure you notify me if you wish to play a match beforehand. Numbers are limited, so don’t hesitate to e-mail me.