Tuesday, June 24, 2014


Summer League round 5~~

A lot of fireworks took place during round 5 of the DAC summer league. No, no, not on our squash courts, but on the Detroit riverfront where the annual shooting-off-pretty-explosions-in-the-sky attract thousands of people from all over the state and cause the highways to be shut down. Turnout for the fireworks was a lot lower than anticipated, and the turnout for the squash was pretty much as anticipated – minimal.

Of course, that didn’t stop “Serves You Right” from still picking up 7 bonus points, keeping up their significant average for the season. The summer league teams do not have any captains, but special mention must be awarded to Josh Slominski who has taken on that job anyway. It’s remarkable what an encouraging e-mail can do once or twice a week to the team players. Their ever increasing lead atop the standings is proof in the pudding.

For the next couple of weeks, the remaining 7 teams will be competing for the other three finals positions. In a surprise move, the team that picked up the second most points this week (16) was “Art of Incompetence”. Lingering 7 points back at the back of the standings last week, they pushed themselves all the way to 7th position, jumping over “Coordination Zero” who picked up the least amount of points this week with an inadequate 6. “Art of Incompetence” still have work to do if they wish to make it to the post-season, but at least they have now given themselves some glimmer of hope. Sixteen points in two weeks is still a lot to make up, however.

In individual performances for round 5, Esther Thomas (“Nick-Knacks”) continues to fly the “girl-power” flag high and mighty with her 4th 2-1 win of the season. She is yet to lose a match. Jeff Gembis (“Serves You Right”) has been struggling this summer to find his winter form, but slowly it’s returning. He scored his first win of the season with a 2-1 triumph over Scott Langenburg (“Art of Incompetence”). Steve Boloven (“Point of No Return”) handed John Parnell (“Nick-Knacks”) his first loss of the season with a strong 2-1 victory. Steve has now scored the most points (so far) for his team this season.

We have 2 rounds to go. Time flies. Mark July 8 on your calendars because that is the last day you can get your matches in. You don’t want to be the team that misses out on the finals by one point because you arranged your make-up match on the 9th by mistake…

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


“Timed-Handicap-Quiz-Team-Squash-Tournament” ~ Friday, July 11

We all play squash for the benefits the exercise gives our bodies. It makes us all look like professional athletes, chisels our muscles, makes us taller, gives us eternal life, and most importantly gives us the excuse to drink beer. While being a squash player certainly turns us into superior human beings physically, we really should be giving our brains a similar work-out too, tight? I mean, what good are we parading around like Gods and Goddesses if we can’t even spell out names correctly?

So, to force the machinery inside your skulls to get up to speed, we have a unique tournament format that will test not only your on-court squash competency, but your aptitude dexterity as well. I for one spend time on weekends on my daughter’s i-Pad practicing my thinking processes by figuring out how to maneuver Dave the Minion through the streets of Gru’s neighborhood picking up bananas and not crashing into obstacles. It’s difficult, you know, I can’t let my guard down for a second…

The squash portion of the event is the easiest. There will be 2 teams. I will match you up with a player of similar ability and you play one non-stop game for 20 minutes straight. That’s right, you are not allowed to hop off court for a drink, rest, a towel-down, a chat, to send a text message, check your facebook account, or play a game of “Despicable Me” on your i-Pad. Your task is to simply accumulate as many points as possible. If I cannot find an opponent of the same standard, I will give out a handicap to even it up.

Once all the squash is completed, each team will then sit down together to answer a quiz that I have expertly put together. The quiz is in 3 parts: DAC knowledge; Squash knowledge (international); and basic general knowledge. Each correct answer in the quiz will be worth a certain amount of points.

Then, adding together the squash and quiz totals, we should be able to determine the winning team. Keep in mind that the highest squash point total will be discarded in order to even it out in case of any blow-outs.

Simple enough? Remember, as always, a keg will be available to help you lubricate your bodies and keep them the fine tuned organisms you have trained them to be. There must be a minimum of 16 players registered to run the event. Registration deadline is July 7.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Summer League round 4~~

With three rounds to play, it looks like “Serves You Right” is a safe bet to reach the finals. Taking their 3 point lead atop the standings last week, they have now extended that to 15 and more importantly, are 19 points ahead of the 4th and 5th placed teams. Once again, their sizeable leap forward was thanks to the 7 bonus points they picked up and the 5 matches they completed – 4 of which they won. “Serves You Right” now have 28 bonus points for the season, averaging 7 per week which is rather impressive for the Summer League. There was many a team in the winter league that couldn’t reach that number.

The next four teams are closely bunched together and it should be a healthy battle to see who advances after the 7th round. The “Nick Knacks” in 6th position are by no means out of the running either. Six points is hardly a huge deficit to overcome – just two 3-0 wins would manage the gap. The last 2 teams are making life difficult for themselves, but are also within reach. Although “Art of Incompetence” are picking up less and less points as the weeks go along – obviously that is a recipe for failure. They scored 15 points in week 1 alone – and only 21 since.

There were a few matches played last night, but not surprisingly it was a relatively light turnout. The USA was playing in the World Cup during that time and even though 90% of the population could not care less about soccer under normal circumstances, the World Cup seems to make us gravitate towards the sport as if we were life-long fanatics. What was surprising was that the USA actually won the match against Ghana. Here’s what happened: USA scored in dramatic fashion in the 29th second. Then for 82 minutes, absolutely nothing happened. Then Ghana scored a pretty goal, and then 4 minutes later USA scored again. The End.

It’s difficult to top excitement such as that, and I’m sure that Al Iafrate (“Coordination Zero”) who took a 2-1 win over Jeff Gembis (“Serves You Right”) won’t be claiming such a feat. Even after winning the first game 15-14. Nor would Nick Cinqeranelli (“Drop Dead Gorgeous”) who also managed a 2-1 victory, against Matt Turnbull (“Art of Incompetence”). At least, I can say with confidence, none of the squash players last night were flopping on the court with life threatening injuries every time their opponents brushed up against their shirts. Nor were they running around the facility like a drug crazed lunatic taking their shirts off and getting mobbed by their teammates after every time they ‘scored’. Yes, yes, soccer (or should I say “fooze-baal”?) is the “beautiful game”.

Take note, all players have until July 8 (inclusive) to get the matches completed. If teams are tied after round 7, then the bonus point totals will be the tie-break. Top four advance, bottom four are done. Done like Ghana. And Australia. And England…

Tuesday, June 10, 2014


Summer League round 3~~
After a two week break where everybody had a fantastic chance to make up matches from the first couple of rounds – but no team really took advantage of – round three had a below average participation. It’s not all that surprising when the weather is way too inviting to pass up. Luckily, a handful of matches were played early, so overall it doesn’t look too disastrous.

Serves You Right” and “Drop Dead Gorgeous” managed to get in 7 of 10 matches for the week and “Point of No Return” versus “Technically Delinquent” played 6. The other four teams only completed 4 matches each. If you look at the standings it’s glaringly obvious why the top four teams are where they are. That being said, they are not running away with it. Remember, the top 4 teams will advance to the finals, and at the moment anyone of the top 6 teams are well in the hunt.

The last two teams, however,  are fading. “Art of Incompetence” and “Coordination Zero” have by far completed the least amount of matches, and not surprisingly have picked up the least amount of bonus points as well. A double whammy that will prove impossible to overcome if they don’t pick it up quickly.

Couple of close results last night worth mentioning. Justin Jacobs (“Drop Dead Gorgeous”) huffed and puffed through a 2-1 win over Josh Slominski (“Serves You Right”). Each game was only decided by a couple of points. Scott Langenburg (“Art of Incompetence”) and Al Iafrate (“Coordination Zero”) had a similar match as they ran themselves into the floorboards for what seemed like an eternity before Scott edged out a 2-1 victory.

Special mention goes to Dane Fosse (“Point of No Return”) who after receiving a 3-0 spanking from Sante Fratarcangeli (“Technically Delinquent”) decided to give Sante a spanking of his own. In their extra game, Dane spanked Sante with the ball right on his... um… cheek. Dane readily admitted it was a ‘questionable’ shot! Even so, Dane has never been so accurate, nor probably hit it as clean.

Believe or not, next week – round 4 – is over the half way mark of the season. Let’s see if “Art of Incompetence” and “Coordination Zero” can get their act together and catch up to make it really interesting. It would be great if by round 7 that all 8 teams had a decent chance of reaching the final four.

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