The “Mickies” Awards
for 2014
Roll out the red carpet! It’s that time of year to celebrate
and recognize those who have craved the fame, deservedly put themselves into
the spotlight (or not), and done their utmost to stand out amongst their peers
for all the finger-pointing and snickering they’ll receive for days – if not
weeks – to come! What motivates these individuals to reach the stratosphere of
“Kim-Kardashian-esque” notoriety is beyond me, but let’s all be thankful that
at least we aren’t actually gawking at Kim Kardashian herself! Stand up and
appreciate the 2014 “Mickies”!
The “Don’t Mess With
the Zohan” award goes to… Jon Dengel!
Mike McCuish found himself on the receiving end of a blitz
attack! Ninja like and out of nowhere, through pure instinct, Jon Dengel lashed
out at Mike during their Holiday Tournament match – since he was getting pasted
– and gave Mike a reminder of who the real ‘man’ on court really was. So quick
and calculated was the strike that even Mike’s goggles didn’t provide any
protection. Mike, however, laughed it off, took it in stride (and the face) and he still took the match. Jon, on the other
hand, has been seen spending a lot of time muttering to himself while he treats
the side of his racquet with a sharpening stone… something about a “re-match”?
The “Saturday Night
Fever” award goes to… Matt DiDio!
All I can say is “Oh.
My. God.” Platform boots and all. I stand up and applaud simply based on
effort if nothing else. One wouldn’t even recognize who the Travolta wannabe
is! Matt has outdone himself this year for his (turning-into-a-tradition)
Halloween get-up. It looks like he has the hip shaking moves down pretty well,
and for the first time ever he has actually listened to his squash pro and has
his racquet up! If only that ‘belly-dancing’ rhythmic movement he generates
with his torso so naturally would translate to his back and front corner
lunges. His playing partner that day – behind the killer clown mask - is none other than Manny Tancer… I have no
idea what Manny is trying to portray here, but it’s just… wrong!
The “Star Spangled
Banner” award goes to… the April
2014 Cross Border Team!
“Oh, say! can you see by the dawn's early light...” Stand up and be proud America! If it has the
US colors on it, no matter how horribly ugly the garment, you will wear it with
dignity! Nothing screams “patriotism” more than a sleeveless shirt more
befitting Jim-Bob from southern Mississippi who lives in his caravan on the
edge of a swamp shacking up with his half-sister-in-law-cousin Mary-Sue. Of
course add on Sante’s Rocky Balboa shorts in the mix and it looks like someone
swallowed a flag and puked it up over everybody. I’m surprised no one actually
mistook him for a flag and accidentally strung him up at the top of a flag
pole. Classy. Very classy.
The “Sweet Dreams”
award goes to… Bob Rogers!
Why is Bob smiling so fiercely? Is it possible for anyone to
be any happier? Is it because he’s comfortable leaning against Mark Monaghan
shoulder and dreaming of all the good times the two have been having? Or will
have? Like Bob, Mark is also renowned
for putting his body on the line during a squash match with his reckless
diving. Maybe Bob thinks he has found his perfect match? Mark spends more time
laying on the court floor than standing on it and Bob spends much of his time
jumping into the walls. Maybe they’ll start a bounce-house business together?
Ah! The possibilities… either way we wish the pair a great future…
