The “Mickies” Awards for 2014
Roll out the red carpet! It’s that time of year to celebrate and recognize those who have craved the fame, deservedly put themselves into the spotlight (or not), and done their utmost to stand out amongst their peers for all the finger-pointing and snickering they’ll receive for days – if not weeks – to come! What motivates these individuals to reach the stratosphere of “Kim-Kardashian-esque” notoriety is beyond me, but let’s all be thankful that at least we aren’t actually gawking at Kim Kardashian herself! Stand up and appreciate the 2014 “Mickies”!
The “Don’t Mess With the Zohan” award goes to… Jon Dengel!
Mike McCuish found himself on the receiving end of a blitz attack! Ninja like and out of nowhere, through pure instinct, Jon Dengel lashed out at Mike during their Holiday Tournament match – since he was getting pasted – and gave Mike a reminder of who the real ‘man’ on court really was. So quick and calculated was the strike that even Mike’s goggles didn’t provide any protection. Mike, however, laughed it off, took it in stride (and the face) and he still took the match. Jon, on the other hand, has been seen spending a lot of time muttering to himself while he treats the side of his racquet with a sharpening stone… something about a “re-match”?
The “Saturday Night Fever” award goes to… Matt DiDio!
All I can say is “Oh. My. God.” Platform boots and all. I stand up and applaud simply based on effort if nothing else. One wouldn’t even recognize who the Travolta wannabe is! Matt has outdone himself this year for his (turning-into-a-tradition) Halloween get-up. It looks like he has the hip shaking moves down pretty well, and for the first time ever he has actually listened to his squash pro and has his racquet up! If only that ‘belly-dancing’ rhythmic movement he generates with his torso so naturally would translate to his back and front corner lunges. His playing partner that day – behind the killer clown mask - is none other than Manny Tancer… I have no idea what Manny is trying to portray here, but it’s just… wrong!
The “Star Spangled Banner” award goes to… the April 2014 Cross Border Team!
“Oh, say! can you see by the dawn's early light...” Stand up and be proud America! If it has the US colors on it, no matter how horribly ugly the garment, you will wear it with dignity! Nothing screams “patriotism” more than a sleeveless shirt more befitting Jim-Bob from southern Mississippi who lives in his caravan on the edge of a swamp shacking up with his half-sister-in-law-cousin Mary-Sue. Of course add on Sante’s Rocky Balboa shorts in the mix and it looks like someone swallowed a flag and puked it up over everybody. I’m surprised no one actually mistook him for a flag and accidentally strung him up at the top of a flag pole. Classy. Very classy.
The “Sweet Dreams” award goes to… Bob Rogers!
Why is Bob smiling so fiercely? Is it possible for anyone to be any happier? Is it because he’s comfortable leaning against Mark Monaghan shoulder and dreaming of all the good times the two have been having? Or will have? Like Bob, Mark is also renowned for putting his body on the line during a squash match with his reckless diving. Maybe Bob thinks he has found his perfect match? Mark spends more time laying on the court floor than standing on it and Bob spends much of his time jumping into the walls. Maybe they’ll start a bounce-house business together? Ah! The possibilities… either way we wish the pair a great future…