BEAT THE CANADIANS!

Cross Border Challenge – September 12 @ Windsor

For the 18^th time, the Cross Border Challenge is up for grabs. Still fresh off our phenomenal win in April, it’s our turn to trek over to the ‘dark side’ of Windsor which cowers in the imposing shadows of the Detroit skyline, and show them that we haven’t lost our touch over the summer.

Of course, if we do fail miserably with this quest, we need a contingency plan. If we can’t beat them at squash, we cannot leave their shores without some sort of victory over them. We could challenge them to a baseball game, but since the Canadians defeated the US on the diamond recently at the Pan-Am Games, maybe we should suggest a more unique, weird competition…

"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!"

How about Fireball Soccer? This is soccer with a catch – the ball is on fire. Apparently, this is practiced in Indonesia where the ball is made from a coconut that is soaked in kerosene, then lit on fire for the duration of the game. A perfect way to train yourself to have quick footwork. Oh, and they play barefoot. Obviously, why wouldn’t you?

Highly skilled "Pooh-Stickers"

Not weird enough? How about Pooh Sticks? This involves standing on a bridge, dropping a stick into the water below, then racing to the other side of the bridge to see whose stick appears first. I can’t make this stuff up. The 2015 World Pooh Stick Championships was won by a Mr. James Smith. At least his name is normal enough. His costume isn’t.

Grandma?

Okay, one more: Gurning Sport. I am sure, we would beat the Canadians hands down at this without even trying. Gurning is… face pulling! Competitors must wear a horse collar during their… performance, as if the act of pulling an asinine face isn’t humiliating enough. Defines the term “winning ugly”!  Yes, there is a women’s division…

So, to avoid having to demean ourselves in one of the above disciplines, we may as well win the squash:

• This is for ALL players who want a match – ALL levels, men and women
• Singles matches. Working with the Windsor squash pro, we will do our best to match you up with a member from the Windsor squash club for a best of 5 games match.
• Doubles matches. We will need at least 3 teams, preferably one A, one B and one C level team.
• Matches are in Windsor starting at around 2pm.
• There will be a keg available. Be social. Hang out, drink, support, drink…
• You are representing the DAC and also the USA! So, although it’s not required, it is highly encouraged that you dress in red white and blue. The more obnoxious the better. If you aren’t sure about your costume, speak to Sante or John Mann. They are experts in ostentatious fashion.
• It’s free to play.

Registration deadline is Monday September 7. Just e-mail me if you wish to have a delightful afternoon of squash and mingling. Don’t worry, we won’t set your squash racquet ablaze, or drop it in the water... but I do expect to see some face pulling…