SQUASH SHOTS XXI

The “Mickies” Awards for 2018

It’s been a turbulent year. Tournaments and leagues continue to have success across the board, but overall numbers dropped this year to pre-assistant-pro times. Hardly a surprising consequence that some programs have suffered, but once the void is filled, the squash engine will once again be chugging along at full kilter. Nonetheless, we cannot forget - and in fact we must stand up - stomp on the tables with our heads held high beating on our chests, chanting obnoxiously and annoyingly loud our war-rally-cries and rubbing the noses of our adversaries deep in the crevices of conquest: the Farris Cup (v BAC); the Cross Border Challenge (v Windsor) and the Aubrey Cup (v Midwest Athletic Clubs). Be proud of the scalps we so feverishly earned!

And be proud of the ignominious photos taken this year and the ones that have merited that very exclusive mention for the entirely and unequivocally useless “Mickies” Awards for 2018…!

The “Face-Off” award goes to… Jed Elley, Ryan Covell, John Rakolta and George Kordas!

Think Conor McGregor is scary? Nothing tops the look of pure conviction, self-determination, and fearlessness than these four lads as they geared up for the Club Championships Doubles final. Or is it more a look of panic-stricken pre-match jitters? Some may even say its puppy-love with a hint of suggestive fondness. Whatever the reason for the deep-in-the-eyes-(soul?)-stare-down, The Jed-Co (Jed Elley and Ryan Covell) v Blue Chips (George Kordas and John Rakolta) rivalry cemented another chapter in their esteemed history of doubles magic. Jed-Co won this round 3-1.

Since the Blue Chips can’t seem to beat them on the doubles court anymore, they challenged Jed-Co in the summer to a round of golf thinking there would be no way they would lose to them in 2 sports, right? Wrong. Clearly a bad move, they underestimated their golfing prowess and were once again forced to feast on humble pie as victory was clinched by Jed-Co on the 17^th hole. Are the Blue Chips turning into Blue Mash-Potato?

The “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish” award goes to… Corey Kabot!

Seen this guy? He used to work here. Once again, I have to resort to carrying my own squash bag, parking my own car, and enduring the Handball complaints directly. Even though his DAC career was a short 3 years, he left a lasting legacy with the membership and all the staff that had to ‘deal’ with him on a daily basis. He has left big shoes to fill, which I wish he come back and pick those shoes up as they stink up the office.

So influential was he on the membership that they constantly interrogate me on why we haven’t found a replacement for him. Well, rest assured, we have all the scientists on the job trying to clone the young man and if that doesn’t work, I’ve also sent out Bilbo Baggins all the way from the Shire on a quest to find what appears to be the impossible: a quality candidate. Apparently, Corey was rather unique. Who’d have thunk that?

The Finalist in this category goes to… Steve Brown!

And who won’t miss this big fella? Steve’s stint at the DAC was shorter than Corey’s but it didn’t take him long to entrench himself firmly in the squash family, create all sorts of rivalries (right, Ryan MacVoy?), be a master of the trash talk, the lob serve, the reverse boast, and the scotch glass. We will all miss his quick wit (except maybe Ryan) and his unwavering support of our squash program. He left us in the best way possible – an exhibitionist type win over his greatest nemesis at the DAC – Ryan MacVoy – taking the honors in this year’s Keg Challenge. This is the after match photo of that historic evening. Notice how many of our members cannot even place their drinks down for even a couple of minutes.

Steve is trekking south back to St. Louis but will be keeping his DAC membership as a non-resident. We will see him come back in February for our coveted DAC Classic where no doubt the organizer will find it awfully hilarious to have Steve play Ryan MacVoy first round at peak time on the main court. Zac MacVoy can ref.

The “You’re Never Too Young” award goes to… Baby Ellison!

Nothing like living your own professional sports dreams through your children! Brian Ellison couldn’t quite cut it on the professional squash circuit, probably because he didn’t start young enough, right? Nothing to do with a multitude of other factors of course… Anyhoo, children are like sponges and the sooner they start, the sooner they’ll pick it up. I have heard of kids starting squash as young as 3 years of age, but this one couldn’t even wait that long! At 7 days old, Baby Ellison is already dreaming big. Notice his eyes are closed not because he’s napping, but because he’s envisioning his future racquet expertise, imaging winning the final of the World Championship 12-10 in the 5^th on the perfect overhead volley nick, fantasizing all the fame and fortune that will be showered on him by being the biggest legend in the history of the game, praying that his athleticism has been inherited from his mother or a distant relative…

Strange that he hasn’t signed up for lessons yet. I think Brian is scared his son will beat him sooner rather than later?

THE HALF –WAY WINNERS

Boasters league round 9~~

It didn’t take a genius to see that Butter Nutz were going to end up on top of the standings this half. It did, however, end up a little closer than I thought it would. The idle Wardogs for round 9 did a fairly decent job in picking up 24 points in makeup matches keeping themselves within arm’s reach but in the end that’s all it was. In a bizarre twist, the team that actually picked up the most points in the final week? Foss Nation. Not that it helped them. Way too little way too late – but at least they didn’t end up last.

Below are the stats for the first half. They will show that play was down noticeably this first half compared to previous seasons. I do not have any clue why that would be the case. Let’s hope that this is only an anomaly and not a trend going forward.

• Only 78% of matches were completed. Way down on the record set 2 years ago of 85%. In match terms, that’s 43 less matches played.
• Four teams played over 80% of their matches with Wardogs leading the way. They played 87% - actually not too far off the league record of 91%.
• On the Rocks played the league amount of matches with 71%. The lowest percentage of matches played last season first half was 76%
• Foss Nation played 76% of their matches – good for 6^th in the league. But their winning percentage was by far the lowest with just 34.6%.
• Nicker Ballers had the best winning percentage with 63%. But they played just 72% of their matches which is why they only ended up 6^th.
• Butter Nutz’ score of 280 would have been good for just 3^rd on the standings last year first half. Wardogs would have been 4^th.
• Butter Nutz picked up the most bonus points for the half with 91. Nowhere near what the most a team picked up last year first half – 108.
• Least amount of bonus points was On the Rocks with 67. That’s an average of less than half the team per week showing up.
• Only 14 players picked up all 8 bonus points. 7 players didn’t pick up any.
• Only 26 players played all 8 matches. Last year first half – 36.
• Of those 26 players, 4 of them went undefeated: Matt Paradiso (Mongoose); Chris Ferlito (Nicker Ballers); Brandon Tasco (Butter Nutz); Jason Currie (Winky-Dinks). Of those 4, Matt Paradiso (Mongoose) scored the most points overall with 31. 
• Most points scored in any 1week was 43 by the Butter Nutz in round 6. Least amount of points scored in any week was 14 by On the Rocks in round 9.
• Not once were all 17 matches completed in any one round. 16 matches were completed 7 times.
• Round 2 had the most matches completed with 89%.

As you can determine, the numbers are not exactly outstanding. Hopefully we will see an uptick for the second half that starts on January 9. A couple of things to remember and take to heart in order to help the league be a great success for all involved: Firstly, it is a Wednesday league. It should be on your calendar automatically that this evening is put aside for the boasters. Yes, things come up. Yes, half of your matches are self-schedule. But please make every effort to make Wednesday night your squash league night. And secondly: communicate. I hear all too often that some players are simply not returning e-mails and / or phone calls. It is simply courtesy to respond and reach out to your opponents. Let’s make this the greatest league in the history of squash! (I’m not asking much!!). That being said, I hope you all have a great Holiday season and I look forward to seeing everyone swinging their racquet come January!