SQUASH SHOTS XXI

The “Mickies” Awards for 2018

It’s been a turbulent year. Tournaments and leagues continue to have success across the board, but overall numbers dropped this year to pre-assistant-pro times. Hardly a surprising consequence that some programs have suffered, but once the void is filled, the squash engine will once again be chugging along at full kilter. Nonetheless, we cannot forget - and in fact we must stand up - stomp on the tables with our heads held high beating on our chests, chanting obnoxiously and annoyingly loud our war-rally-cries and rubbing the noses of our adversaries deep in the crevices of conquest: the Farris Cup (v BAC); the Cross Border Challenge (v Windsor) and the Aubrey Cup (v Midwest Athletic Clubs). Be proud of the scalps we so feverishly earned!

And be proud of the ignominious photos taken this year and the ones that have merited that very exclusive mention for the entirely and unequivocally useless “Mickies” Awards for 2018…!

The “Face-Off” award goes to… Jed Elley, Ryan Covell, John Rakolta and George Kordas!

Think Conor McGregor is scary? Nothing tops the look of pure conviction, self-determination, and fearlessness than these four lads as they geared up for the Club Championships Doubles final. Or is it more a look of panic-stricken pre-match jitters? Some may even say its puppy-love with a hint of suggestive fondness. Whatever the reason for the deep-in-the-eyes-(soul?)-stare-down, The Jed-Co (Jed Elley and Ryan Covell) v Blue Chips (George Kordas and John Rakolta) rivalry cemented another chapter in their esteemed history of doubles magic. Jed-Co won this round 3-1.

Since the Blue Chips can’t seem to beat them on the doubles court anymore, they challenged Jed-Co in the summer to a round of golf thinking there would be no way they would lose to them in 2 sports, right? Wrong. Clearly a bad move, they underestimated their golfing prowess and were once again forced to feast on humble pie as victory was clinched by Jed-Co on the 17^th hole. Are the Blue Chips turning into Blue Mash-Potato?

The “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish” award goes to… Corey Kabot!

Seen this guy? He used to work here. Once again, I have to resort to carrying my own squash bag, parking my own car, and enduring the Handball complaints directly. Even though his DAC career was a short 3 years, he left a lasting legacy with the membership and all the staff that had to ‘deal’ with him on a daily basis. He has left big shoes to fill, which I wish he come back and pick those shoes up as they stink up the office.

So influential was he on the membership that they constantly interrogate me on why we haven’t found a replacement for him. Well, rest assured, we have all the scientists on the job trying to clone the young man and if that doesn’t work, I’ve also sent out Bilbo Baggins all the way from the Shire on a quest to find what appears to be the impossible: a quality candidate. Apparently, Corey was rather unique. Who’d have thunk that?

The Finalist in this category goes to… Steve Brown!

And who won’t miss this big fella? Steve’s stint at the DAC was shorter than Corey’s but it didn’t take him long to entrench himself firmly in the squash family, create all sorts of rivalries (right, Ryan MacVoy?), be a master of the trash talk, the lob serve, the reverse boast, and the scotch glass. We will all miss his quick wit (except maybe Ryan) and his unwavering support of our squash program. He left us in the best way possible – an exhibitionist type win over his greatest nemesis at the DAC – Ryan MacVoy – taking the honors in this year’s Keg Challenge. This is the after match photo of that historic evening. Notice how many of our members cannot even place their drinks down for even a couple of minutes.

Steve is trekking south back to St. Louis but will be keeping his DAC membership as a non-resident. We will see him come back in February for our coveted DAC Classic where no doubt the organizer will find it awfully hilarious to have Steve play Ryan MacVoy first round at peak time on the main court. Zac MacVoy can ref.

The “You’re Never Too Young” award goes to… Baby Ellison!

Nothing like living your own professional sports dreams through your children! Brian Ellison couldn’t quite cut it on the professional squash circuit, probably because he didn’t start young enough, right? Nothing to do with a multitude of other factors of course… Anyhoo, children are like sponges and the sooner they start, the sooner they’ll pick it up. I have heard of kids starting squash as young as 3 years of age, but this one couldn’t even wait that long! At 7 days old, Baby Ellison is already dreaming big. Notice his eyes are closed not because he’s napping, but because he’s envisioning his future racquet expertise, imaging winning the final of the World Championship 12-10 in the 5^th on the perfect overhead volley nick, fantasizing all the fame and fortune that will be showered on him by being the biggest legend in the history of the game, praying that his athleticism has been inherited from his mother or a distant relative…

Strange that he hasn’t signed up for lessons yet. I think Brian is scared his son will beat him sooner rather than later?