Windsor
Tournament - Mar 27-29
Hello chaps. I hope you are sitting
tightly and sipping your earl grey and nibbling on your scones. Let me have a
wee chinwag with you. In this grave hour, perhaps the most fateful in our jolly
history - (or not) - I send to every household of my dearest squash peoples, both
the east-siders and the rest, this dreadful message, spoken with the same depth
of feeling for each one of you as if I were able to cross your threshold and
speak to you myself.
For the second time this season we are
in a piffle. Over and over again we have practiced and practiced our skills,
tried to find a easier way to prove ourselves against our fellow comrades and those cheeky fellows who are across the frozen river. But it has been utter
nonsense. Codswallop! We have been forced into a barney. For we have been
called upon, with our squash racquets, to meet the challenge of a beloved
friend which, if it they were to prevail, would be rather unfair to any
civilized order in our utopian DAC world.
The Windsorites are quite potty. Silly
muppets they are. Now I know it’s everyone’s cup of tea, that in the selfish
pursuit of squash power, popping over the border for a little tickle is just
what the ruddy doctor ordered! This is no time to chuck a wobbly or get your
knickers in a twist! Don’t be a daft twit! You’ll have a cracking good time.
And far more than this - the lads and lasses of the squash world would be kept
in the bondage of social perfection, and all hopes of the security of squash
sports-world domination and liberty among nations will be upheld.
This is the ultimate issue which
confronts us. If you fancy a jolly good scrum, for the sake of all that we
ourselves hold dear, it is unthinkable that we should refuse to meet the challenge.
It is to this high purpose that I now
call my DAC people at home and across the snow-ravaged land, who will make our
cause their own. I ask them to stand calm, firm, and united in this dodgy time
of a kerfuffle. Stiff upper lip, I say! The task will be hard, you may get
knackered. Frankly, I’d be gobsmacked if you didn’t meet the ordeal head on!
There may be dark days ahead, and squash can no longer be confined to the DAC
walls. Not to worry if you find yourself in a sticky wicket or a titchy bit
squiffy, but we can only do the right as we see the right, and reverently
commit our cause to commanding the ‘T’. If one and all we keep resolutely
faithful to it, ready for whatever service or sacrifice it may demand, then,
with relentless practice, we shall prevail.
So, have a squizz at the poster, and
send in your interest to their squash pro - Graeme Williams. Graeme is a jolly
fine chap if ever there was one.
Well then. Cheerio,
toddle off, get on your bike, Bob’s yer uncle, and may the best of the Yankee Doodle
Dandies be with you. That’s the spirit!
