ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A KEG

Hops Challenge – December 20, 2017

I wonder what the reaction would be of all the squash players in the club woke up on Christmas morning and found a full beer keg wrapped in a bow underneath the tree. That Christmas miracles do exist? That Santa Claus is one strong fat old man? That, gee, maybe I do have a problem? Careful what we wish for I suppose…

Since the above scenario is absolute fantasy (at least for most of us, I believe!) we may as well offer close to the next best thing. No, no, I’m not talking about a free lifetime subscription to Netflix either. I am talking about a few free drinks (beers) at the expense of one of your fellow members! Nothing more satisfying that imbibing totally gratis while playing your favorite sport, right? Ho! Ho! Ho! Hic!

To be a part of the drink-tivities, just let me know you are interested and I will do my best to match you up with a player of your own level. The match itself won’t mean much except that I will enter it into the on-line rankings (or we can use it as a box ladder score), and it’s the perfect excuse to build up the craving for that extra cup or two of complimentary liquid gold. Your guilty conscience (or not) may be begging the question, “which kind soul has offered up this extraordinarily generous gesture of this sacrosanct amber fluid?” Well, no one has offered it all. The loser of the feature match will be punished with the expense:

“Let’s get ready to rummmmmmbllllle….!

In the right corner, weighing in at 225 pounds depending on what day you ask him, residing in downtown Detroit, close enough where he should technically never be late or miss any DAC appointment or booking, has destroyed more $200 Harrow racquets than the entire College Squash Association combined, coming in with a 2017 record of 19 wins and 18 losses, the world’s-most-poorer-golf-scorer, the squash-craver-head-shaver… COLIN – “watch-out-for-my-deceptive-forehand-drop-shot” – BAYER!!

And…

In the left corner, weighing in at an unmistakable 199.9 pounds on a good day, residing in the carefree rolling esplanades of the Grosse Pointe bubble, never having to actually leave the confines of the protective neighborhood unless his better half sends him out to run some “errands”, recently coming off his best tennis victory of his career this summer after beating up on an 11 year old girl, the top-spinner-drop-winner, the squash-menace-screw-tennis, JC – “I’m-going-to-be-all-over-Colin’s-forehand-dropshot-like-a-rash” – TIBBITTS!!

Now, these two have played a whole bunch of times. In fact, we have 36 recorded scores between the two and JC has won 22 of them. And of the 36 results, only 5 of them were 3-0 so we should be in for a real treat. And plenty of trash talking. And some action on the side no doubt as well. I hear Colin’s aptitude of taking bets is a con-man’s dream.

If you wish to play, make sure you register with me no later than December 18. Matches will start at 4pm, we’ll try to get a couple of doubles matches up and running as well. Feature show-down should be around 7pm.