The “Mickies” Awards
for 2017
It just keeps and getting bigger.
Critical mass must be close before something gives, there is only so much space
that one can jam all the squash players into. Some have mentioned the spill
should leak onto the racquetball / handball courts, but I for one hardly want
to pick that battle as I value my life a little too much. As the desperation
pleas for more court space pulsates through the racquet swinging membership,
the future is looking bright – at least the club is talking about it. We will
have to wait and see what decisions are forthcoming, so in the meantime, let’s
look to the past… specifically the last 12 months and expose the more mortifying
moments caught on I-phone. I-present to you the winners of this year’s 2017 senseless
“Mickies” awards!
The “I’ve Hit Rock Bottom” award goes to… Scott Beals!
What’s a hero without its nemesis? A Superman without his Lex
Luthor? A Batman without the Joker? The Michigan Wolverines without the
Buckeyes? A Scott Beals without his Jerry Rock? Could this be the biggest
mental hurdle to overcome in all of sports? For the life of him, Scott simply
cannot figure out a way to combat Jerry-the-Rock-Lobster. How does someone
twice your age, half your speed, and a quarter your power have the upper hand?
You would think that after whiffing the Jerry Rock snow-making lob for the 10th
time, or getting caught flat-footed on the
backhand-back-corner-flick-cross-court-drop-shot for the 17th time,
one would make an adjustment or two. I see lessons in Scott’s near future. That
being said, I need to give Jerry a lot of credit. Of all the names that come up
from members seeking advice on how to beat someone, his name comes up more than
anyone.
The “This is a Banana” award goes to… Manny Tancer!
This is a Banana. Some people may tell you that it is apple.
They may scream “Apple! Apple! Apple!”
over and over again. They might put “apple” in all caps. You may even start to
believe it is an apple. But it’s not. It’s a banana. The Zorro is a distraction. The Zorro will
also never change the fact that this is still a banana. Fruit first.
I cannot imagine how uncomfortable is was to play squash in a
banana suit but I’m sure it would have been hilarious to watch. Zorro on the
other hand (Matt DiDio) didn’t seem
to be exceedingly effective either (thankfully) as I did not see any capital
‘Z’s etched into our walls leaving his trademark insignia for all of us to know
he was there.
The “Any Last Words” award goes to… Colin Bayer!
Now, this I do not condone. And thankfully no one was (too)
hurt by this action. But Colin can only blame himself for this hare-brained
stunt. To explain how this came about, Colin bet that he could shoot a round of
golf under 100 otherwise he would let a player drill him with the squash ball
from the back of the court. Apparently, Colin is not a seasoned golfer and was
somewhat uninformed of how golf scoring actually works. Needless to say the 100
shot mark was reached with plenty of holes to play. I don’t know what Colin
would have received had he indeed succeeded with the wager but it better have
been worth putting your body on the line for. Colin stands there like he is
being lined up for execution, not sure the towel is to protect his head from an
errant impact or from the shame. Luckily for him, the ball only ‘grazed’ him on
the back and very little damage was done. It could have been worse… like this: CameronPilley (prepare yourself… this hurts just watching it! May not be suitable
for all viewers)
The “Pour Me a Drink” award goes to… Vikram Chopra!
Sometimes, we all need a friend to help us along. Especially
when we are injured. For example, for the Club Championship final this year,
Vikram was nursing a foot injury and after the match had to ice it up. (Disclaimer: this in no way undermines
Jed’s victory.) Now, a friend may have been needed to help him get the ice, or
help him up the stairs, or help him get changed in the locker room (!?). But George Kordas felt he was in need in
help of drinking. From a distance. Logically… I mean who wouldn’t? Nothing like
the intake of strong liquor to ease the pain from 2 feet above your face. Like
a seasoned veteran, Vikram lapped up most of the liquid, spilling only a few
drops showing us that he has clearly done this multiple times before. Why? Who
knows? But can’t have enough skills in life, eh, Vikram?
