THE OTHER DOUBLES DIVISIONS

2013 Club Championships Doubles

With the A division already decided, the C and B categories have felt a little disconnected. I feel it is important to showcase the top players in any tournament, but not at the expense of the rest. They aren’t trying any less, and in fact make up most of the entries! Thankfully, the numbers didn’t suffer this year for the C’s and B’s – they were exactly the same as last year.

Doubles C~~

I am going to make a special mention here because outside of Renee McDuffee (who sadly is no longer a member), we don’t (or didn’t) have any women doubles players at all. But we do now – Brittany Paquette. She took the plunge – straight into the frigid waters of the deep end – and decided to enter having never played doubles before. Partnering up with Steve Murphy, they took on another couple of greenhorns to the game, Elliot Shafer and Joey Gaylord. Brittany and Steve lost 3-0, but it was encouraging to see a female out there. And she must have enjoyed herself because not only has she joined in the summer doubles league, she has convinced Margi Scholtes to try it out too!

 

Elliot and Joey then had a tough task ahead of them in their second match taking on the experienced duo of Ken Katz and Joe Moran. Ken and Joe are the 2012 C champions and had a very good chance at repeating. And maybe they took it a little easy knowing their young opponents weren’t very familiar with the doubles court, because before they knew what hit them, they were 2 games to 0 down. The veterans fought their way back into the match but it could have slipped away from them very easily. They knew they had “gotten away with one” after winning in 5: 12-15; 14-16; 15-9; 18-16; 15-11. Advancing to the semi final, they then played Andrew Spohn and Paul Flanagan. Paul has also won the C title before – back in 2011 with then partner Mike Petix. A ‘scrappy’ player (and I mean that in the nicest possible way!), Paul hustles around the court with deceptive swiftness, keeps the ball in play, and makes life awkward for his opponents. And Andrew is a leftie, so the team has two forehands! They took good care of Ken and Joe beating them in 4 games to make the final.

On the other side of the draw, the number one seed also had a leftie – Craig Hupp. His team mate was Bob Garvey, and the two had little issues reaching the semi final, where another rightie-leftie combination waited for them in Tom MacFarlane and Tom McCarthy. This tournament must have had the least amount of backhand shots ever played. The two Tom’s put up decent resistance, but not quite enough. Craig and Bob claimed the 3-1 victory and moved on to play the Spohn / Flanagan team.

The final battle of forehands was an entertaining affair. Both teams had a similar style of extending the rallies, chasing down anything and everything. It was a little like watching a pinball machine where the ball just bounces off everywhere at every angle, except you had four bodies running after it. If you think you can’t get a work-out playing doubles, these teams would have proved you wrong. The court is big, and there is plenty of room to get a full head of steam! The result could have gone either way, but in the end it was Paul Flanagan picking up a second title and Andrew Spohn his first as they collected a court-sprint filled 3-1 triumph!

Doubles B~~

Last year I mentioned that ‘familiarity breeds success’. Only one team in last year’s B draw stayed the same this year: Patrick Petz and Rich Stimson. Even the long standing couple of John Dunwoody and Chris Terry split up for new partners which was strange considering they won last year together and they had been joined at the hip for many years. John paired up with Mark Hayduk this year – another vet – and after a 3-0 round 1 win, went down in four games to Patrick and Rich. The Petz / Stimson duo then had to tackle Chris Terry and his new partner – Greg Rivard. An effective combination with the left-handed Chris playing the role of “steady-Eddie” and Greg being the enforcer- he can certainly belt the rubber off the ball. Patrick and Rich needed to be sharp. And for the most part, they were. A back-and-forth contest as the two teams traded games. In the 5^th, Chris and Greg seized the early momentum and wouldn’t let up as the powered through for the victory and a place in the final.

 

On the other side of the draw, I had my eye on Shail Arora and Eric Green to reach the final too. Winning their first match 3-0, their semi final had them up against the experienced Peter Shumaker and his new-to-doubles partner Sean Fossee. Peter and Sean were up against it, Sean would need to be a quick learner and Peter would need to be consistently accurate and use his ‘tennis’ volleys to maximum effect. Regrettably, this match never eventuated as an injury forced the Shumaker / Fossee team to withdraw.

The final was played at 7.30 in the morning so I wasn’t witness to the match. I am going to presume it was a blockbuster battle, gut-wrenching rallies with dazzling winners, played with the most gentlemanly sportsmanship. I’m probably not far off, and once the dust had settled, it was Greg Rivard and Chris Terry walking off 3-1 winners.

Even though we still mostly had the more experienced doubles players take the titles this year, we are seeing more and more intermediates takes to the court. They learn fast. How long will it be before they catch up to their practiced counterparts?

A WEEKEND TO REMEMBER

PST World Championship May 3-5

This year’s line-up for the PST World Championship had a very different look than 2012’s. Only David Palmer was a repeat performer, and he came in to the event as the hot favorite. Seven new challengers were desperate to prevent the big Australian from claiming his first PST title and we witnessed some unbelievable squash that left the membership picking up their jaws trying to figure out just how the players do what they do. Shots that appear irretrievable are not, angles that seem physically impossible are found, reactions give the impression of something out of the movie ‘Matrix’, and fitness levels that must be inhuman.

 

David Palmer and a humbled Doug
"I-have-no-mirrors-in-the-house" Troszak
after their hit around

Just like in 2012, the PST crew becomes integrated into the DAC squash family for the time they are here. From Joe McManus and David Palmer coming in a day early to referee the Club Championship final and then joining us the presentation dinner, the Saturday morning hit around with the sponsors and the Racquet Up Detroit kids, to the Saturday night chaperoning that Doug Troszak, Britt-Marie Olofsson and a couple of other members did, taking the players out for dinner and late night activities! Friendships are forged, memories are lasered into the brain, and most importantly the endless smiles from everybody make the whole thing worth the effort.

Not to be overlooked are the promotional efforts of Georgetta Morque, PST’s one-women marketing department. Georgetta works extremely diligently making sure the tournament and the DAC receive as much exposure as possible through the local television, radio, newspapers and on-line sites. It is a wonderful ‘extra’ that the PST put into their events.

Brad Thompson and Josh Cardwell with the
kids from Racquet Up Detroit



The first round of matches on the Friday was not as close as I anticipated. I expected David Palmer to win 3-0 and he did over Greece’s Fabian Kalaitzis, although initially it looked like at least a 4-setter. Fabian sprinted out of the blocks and caught Palmer flat-footed and a little dazed. It was 10-3 before any of us knew what was happening. Instead of rolling over and concentrating on the second game, Palmer knuckled down and refused to let Fabian simply take the game. He picked up his length, stepped forward another step to the ‘t’ and proceeded to run his opponent from corner to corner. He saved 7 game balls to initiate the tie-break before eventually taking it 14-12. Fabian was cooked. For the next two games he was in survival squash mode as his legs couldn’t keep up. A few decent winners made the 11-7 score lines look rather respectable. The other 3 matches also resulted in 3-0 white-washes. While it was high-quality squash, there was always the one player in control and they weren’t really threatened.  

Some of the players and members
in the DAC bowling alley



Then came the semi-finals. And the spectators were in for real treat. First up we saw David Palmer and Stefano Galifi. Stefano is a very interesting player. Incredibly smooth around the court, he has a remarkable lunge and stretch and add on the fact he holds his racquet very low on the handle, his retrievable abilities are astounding. He is also Italian, and like many of his countrymen, is a passionate and emotional person. Sometimes, it gets in his way. The two played very close to each other. A drawn out first game had Palmer taking it 12-10 and then Galifi came back to win the second 11-8. Up to this point there had been a number of ‘let’ calls and if you remember, the PST rarely replays a rally (or awards a ‘let’), the point is awarded to one of the two players instead. In other words, it’s either a ‘stroke’ or a ‘no-let’. Palmer and Galifi had numerous interference situations that called on the referee. And many of the referee’s calls were consequently challenged. Galifi thought he was getting hard done by with most of the decisions and he was finding increasin

gly difficult to concentrate. Palmer on the other hand could sense the emotions getting the better of his Italian opponent and stepped up even further to place even more pressure on him. A tense filled third game, more challenges, a little banter starting to creep into it, Palmer eked it out 11-9. That was enough to pop the Italian balloon. A deflated Galifi couldn’t muster up a decent challenge in the fourth and Palmer stormed home 11-2 to take the 3-1 win and a place in the final.

The second semi saw Aussie Wade Johnstone and the young 20-year old Egyptian Mohamed El Sherbini, It was a fast paced encounter and Mohamed showed on occasion a typical Egyptian style with the ability to crack the ball with a surprising angle for a winner. Wade did very well to keep up and he had to rely on his retrieval skills and steadiness. It’s a wonder with the pace of hitting and the speed of the player’s movement that any opportunity to attack the ball would ever present itself, but the excellent ball control and quick reactions – and plenty of patience – the two players seemed to be able to attack regularly. Lots of volley drops, nick attempts, they used all four corners rather effectively. Wade was too steady for Mohamed in the first taking it 11-5, with the second game being a lot closer. Unfortunately for El Sherbini, he lost that 12-10 and was now looking at an exceedingly difficult hill to climb. But he knew he could still beat Wade as he had done so just two weeks before. And he fought back. The long third was taxing and the Egyptian sneaked it 11-9 which must have been a huge confidence booster. Wade also looked like he was starting to get tired. It was the Australian’s turn to change the tide in the fourth and with extra effort the Aussie just managed to hold off El Sherbini to take the game 11-8 and the match 3-1.

Finals day. The 3^rd and 4^th play-off is great for the spectators. An extra match to watch, they very much appreciate  that. It is, however, mentally difficult for the semi-final losers to front up the next day for this duel, motivated and desperate to win. Stefano and Mohamed maybe did not play with quite the same intensity as the day before, but it was a entertaining affair, comical at times with the quick wit of Galifi. There were still the occasional interference issues, but this match went down to the wire. El Sherbini claimed the victory here 11-8 in the 5^th.

Wade Johnstone and David Palmer

The first-class final was a clean a match as I have seen. There were minimal ‘let’ calls, and not one single challenge. Wade jumped out to a quick start – much like Fabian did in round 1 – with exceptional length, and catching Palmer off guard with the pace. Unlike Fabian, Wade was able to take advantage of the lead and closed out the game 11-9. Were we in for a major upset? Not quite. There is a reason that Palmer is one of the legends of the game owning PSA World titles and number one ranking. The ability to change his game to gain the upper hand.  It’s the ability to win. With improved, softer length, Palmer was able to take better control of the middle and that is where he is at hid deadliest best. He cuts the ball off so well and moves you into the front corners mercilessly with pinpoint accurate drops and volleys. Wade was like a little doggy after a ball at times, but I have to give him credit – he hung in there extraordinarily well and proved on many occasions that scrambling enough can pay dividends. The question was, could Wade scramble enough? Palmer knew this and was relentless. He won the second and third games 11-5, 11-6 and could keep his Australian compatriot at a short arm-length away for the fourth as well. Exhausted, Wade would not give up. He found some energy reserve to save a couple of match-balls. A full-length body-dive into the back left corner (which tore off skin and left a nasty size bump on his elbow) was his last ditch effort to save the match… but it failed. A spectacular ending to a spectacular match. Palmer in four games. And his first PST World Championship title!

Before I go, I cannot forget about the generosity of our sponsors. Without them, the event can’t run. We need them. I cannot thank all of them enough – please thank them as well when you see them: Tiffany Douglas / Mike Ottaway with Bank of America; Sean Moran with Morgan Stanley; Bob Garvey – Racquet Up Detroit; Patrick Petz – Skidmore Studios; DJ Boyd – Edward Jones; James Van Dyke – Roxbury Group; Paul Silva – Franklin Templeton; Kevin Prather – Baker Tilly; Glen Milligan – Ameriprise;  Doug Troszak – Troszak North America; Tom MacFarlane – Clark Hill; Tom Fabbri – Aaro Companies; Alan Howard – Burroughs; Tom Shafer – Talmer Bank;  John Dunwoody, Mark Hayduk, Chris Terry and Paul Aubrey – 4 Men in a Box Syndicate. 



Left to right: Bob Garvey, Brad Thompson, Tom MacFarlane, Mohamed El Sherbini
Doug Troszak, Fabian Kalaitzis, Stefano Galifi, Wade Johnstone,
Elliot Shafer, David Palmer, Shahid Khan, Josh Cardwell



We are scheduled to host the PST World Championship in 2014 and 2015. If you are interested in being a part of the prestigious above mentioned group, please come and see me! We need to make this bigger and better. Help us achieve that goal!

THE DAC TOP DOGS

Club Championships 2013~~

The Club Championship finals pretty much indicate the conclusion of the 2012-2013 season. And it’s been a ripsnorter. More players, higher usage, better competition, unparalleled camaraderie… every year just gets better and better. Momentum is building, and we should all do our dandiest not to slow it down. We even had an increase in numbers for the May box ladders which is awesome! We crowned seven club champions on May 2, some repeat, some first timers, but all now with the right to brag.

2.5 – Right Said Ted

I don’t expect Ted Morris to be prancing around the corridors singing “I’m too sexy for my forehand”, but he can strut about with his head held high as this year’s 2.5 champion. It was not an easy path to victory either and we could very easily be talking about someone else. But he escaped by the skin of his teeth in his second match against the quickly improving Jay Bonahoom 13-11 in the 5^th. These types of wins can commonly be attributed to luck when they are that close and it was all Ted needed to make sure the next couple of results were more clear-cut. A semi final 3-0 victory over Jeff Huebner (who also won his second round 3-2 over Bruce Shaw) had him in the final against Jason Trombley.

Jason’s run was even a little tougher than Ted’s. He had to endure another 5-gamer in his second round against Josh Gershonowicz before tackling the top seeded Chris Moyer. Chris has been another quick learner this season but couldn’t get past Jason and he went down 3-1.

Even though the final was just 3 games, it was a lot closer than that. Tight scores, only a couple of points separated the two through each game, Ted made sure that luck played no part in it, though. He took all 3 games.

3.0 –Wreckin’ MacEachern

To make myself sound like a broken record, Tom MacEachern is one more squashie on the fast progression track. Not even 3 months ago, he bulldozed his way to victory in the 2.5 category of the DAC Classic and he’s not just ‘stepping up’ to the 3.0, he’s literally bludgeoning passed it. Apart from his first round match that went to 4 games against Anil Kathuria, he has not been spending too much time on court dispatching opponent after opponent. Two 3-0 victories in his next matches had him in the final where he met up with the speedy Shail Arora.

Shail also had been wasting little time dispatching his challengers. All of his victories on the way to the final were 3-0 – and that included a win against Tom’s father Len. I’m not sure if spanking one’s Dad is motivation for revenge or just tasty fuel for in-family fun-poking but either way, Tom would have to win to make use of it. Shail could not nullify the Tom MacEachern freight train as he ploughed through with another 3-0 scalp. Not only can Tom boast about his win at the club, but also at home.

  

3.5 – Sante Fun-day 

On any given day. That’s another line I’ll probably repeat later on in the article. Many results in the 3.5 category could have gone the other way, with tight 4 and 5-set matches littered throughout. Because of that, it’s difficult to label any of the results as ‘upsets’. Tom Healy produced the first (non)-upset of the division with a 3-2 victory over David Devine only to be bumped out the next round against Josh Slominski also in 5 games after coming back from a 2-0 deficit. Josh then went on to lose in the semi final against Paul van Tol 11-9 in the 4^th after he was 1 game up and leading the second. Ahh, the “what-ifs” and “could-have-beens”…

The other side of the draw only had one 3-0 result. The closest match of the half was between two rivals that have no shortage of trash talking and are not shy about it either: Sante Fratarcangeli and Elliot Shafer. It was a battle they’ll be telling their grandkids about. Elliot certainly had his chances, he was leading 2 games to 1 and had match ball in the fourth, but Sante is nothing if not stubborn. Coming back to win that game 12-10, he also fought back from 9-6 down in the fifth to extend it into a long tie break. Desperation squash, Sante pulled it out 15-13. Now he had to step up to tackle Paul. And he did so using his speed well towards the front of the court where Paul likes to use sharp angles. Sante took the final 3-1. On a side note, 12 months ago, Sante won the 3.0 division, and 12 months before that was a finalist in the 2.5. His development has been steady. Will we see him in the 4.0 final next year? Sante is thinking bigger. He’s aiming for the 4.5.

4.0 – Adlhoch Rocks

It was a much anticipated match-up. Phil Pitters and Scott Adlhoch must have played each other hundreds of times over the past number of years. They know each other’s game like the inside of their own shorts, can read each other’s mind like an old married couple, and trash talk each other like… well like an old married couple. Believe it not, not one single match of theirs has meant anything (other than pride), meaning they have never played each other in league, box, or a tournament before. Until now. Here they meet in the final of the 4.0. Expectations were ripe for a typical, epic encounter. Scrambling rallies, absolutely, positively no ‘let’ calls, and there was no doubt it would end up as a tie-break in the 5^th to decide the winner… Alas, no. It simply was not Phil’s day. Scott took immediate control of the match and kept it. It was a 3-0 victory. Phil was understandably disappointed, but he can take solace that it won’t be the last time they’ll be on court together.

4.5 – Ex-Stroh-dinary

There was one 3-0 result in the 4.5 draw. The rest were either 3-1 or 3-2. On any given day. This was probably one of the harder brackets to predict (not that any of them were easy). I didn’t foresee either of the two finalists getting so far and both of them did so by getting through challenging 4 and 5 set matches. Andy Adamo can be a dangerous opponent. A lot of his success comes down to his mood. And when his mood is right, he moves well, has great touch and is an even nicer fellow about it. He beat Bill Oddo (great to see him back into the event!) 3-1 in round one, and then snuck past Paul Ward 3-2 in the semi. His finals opponent was Jim Stroh. Jim is just starting to come back from a ‘semi’ hiatus and is getting back to his pre-break form quickly. He bumped John Roarty in round one 3-2 and took care of Brien Baker 3-1 in the semi. From looking at past results, Jim certainly had (has) a mental edge over Andy since of all the times they have played, Jim has won them all. That trend continued for the final as Andy could not jump the Jim hurdle. Jim won the match 3-1 and takes away his second Club Championship title – he won the 3.0 back in 2007.

5.0 – RUD – Racquet Up, Derek!

On any given day. (Yes, I said it again!). Here we had another draw that only had one 3-0 result. Robin Basil won the 4.5 last year and was rather skeptical about moving up this year, but I wouldn’t let him repeat. He proved he can hold his own in this level. He didn’t take the title, but he did win round one in 5, then took out the big fella Mike Counsman 11-9 in the 5^th in round 2. He then lost 3-1 to Derek Aguirre in the semi final. Derek has been working on his game lately and his consistency is improving. As is Anthony Fracchia. Anthony reached the final with a 3-1 victory over veteran Peter Shumaker, and then knocked out Ryan Bendzinski in 5 in his semi. For the final, Derek had the upper hand. He moved Anthony around the court well and Anthony obliged. And not without effectiveness. Derek won the first 2 games, but Anthony’s hustle got him the third. It may have cost him too much energy because he faded in the 4^th. Derek claimed his first club championship title.

Open – Olé Pablo!

For the first time in what I believe must be at least 30 years, we did not have someone in the Open final named “Logan” or “Haggarty” Last year’s champion Pablo Buitron once again eased his way into the final with comfortable 3-0 victories and was to meet a new challenger to vie for DAC history. Peter Logan is still going strong at the ripe ol’ age of 72 (ha ha! just kidding…). It’s remarkable and demands respect that Peter can still fight seriously to win this event. But the competitors are getting closer. George Kordas snagged a game off him in round one and in the semi final he came up against the dogged South African Jed Elley. I knew it would be a close contest, Jed was very keen for a good showing, and Peter was prepared for solid resistance. A very tight, long match ensued and in the end Jed walked off the winner 16-14 in the 4^th after almost an hour.

For the final, we had the honor (again!) of having squash legend David Palmer fly in before the PST World Championship to referee the lads. We had a great international flavor – An Ecuadorian v a South African reefed by an Aussie! In one the best Open squash finals we’ve had, Pablo got off to his normal steady start. Few errors, tight rails, and he simply kept Jed on the back foot and in constant catch-up mode. Jed pushed hard but fell short in the first 2 games 11-7. For the third a last-ditch effort paid off for the South African as he started to shoot with more authority. He was tired, but also had nothing to lose which can be a dangerous situation. Jed took the third game 11-9 and his momentum continued into the fourth as he led 9-5. Just as we thought a fifth game was on the cards, Pablo mounted his irreversible comeback. He rolled off the next 6 points, Jed simply could not stop the rally. We congratulate Pablo as he is crowned once again DAC Club Champion!

Another year in the books. What a season it was and what a season we have to look forward too. Make sure you are a part of ever-growing squash movement of the DAC! Cheers!

THREE IN A ROW!

Cross Border Challenge~~April 20

Well, well, well. It is becoming almost an expectation. We are going to find ourselves in unfamiliar territory when the next Cross Border comes around as we’ll probably go into it as favorites. Once you acquire the sweet taste of victory, momentum carries, confidence rises and opponents start reeling. And, for a refreshing change, you begin to win close matches.

I’m going to start with the doubles matches. Usually, if we can salvage just one victory on the doubles court it would be a success, but history was made this day and let it be documented that on, Saturday, April 20, the DAC did in fact win all three doubles matches, a feat never before executed, a result the Windsor team will be picking up the pieces from for months to come.  



Bob Burton, John Dunwoody,
Herb Funkenhauser, Dave Hornby



Starting the ball rolling, Paul Flanagan and Andrew Spohn got the jump on their lesser experienced opponents Rich Routley and James Konrad with a quick first game spanking. The Windsor pair fought back nicely in the second to square it up, but the pressure was too much as team DAC were too steady in the 3^rd and 4^th to take the 3-1 win. Next up were Mike Counsman and George Kordas taking on the father and son team Tom and Brian Porter. Brian was forced to use his singles racquet for the match since his doubles stick had broken strings, and maybe that was the cause of some unforced errors. But no excuse. Mike and George meshed fairly well together and the 3-1 win was a solid result. The third match was a very one-sided 5-set affair. John Dunwoody and Bob Burton were either unbeatable, or complete mush. The same could be said for their opponents Dave Hornby and Herb Funkenhauser. With score lines of 15-2’s, 15-4’s, swapping games, the DAC team won in 5. We’ll take the win of course, no matter how peculiar the match turns out!

Of the 13 singles matches played, only 4 of them were 3-0. Naturally I want to win, but it is more important to me that we have an even, competitive event. I want players coming off the court – win or lose – satisfied that they had a great match and the result could have gone the other way. Many new faces on both teams made the match-ups a little tricky, but kudos to Windsor pro Graeme Williams who was on top of things and made everything smooth sailing. 

Kevin Prather, Grace Kim, Margi Scholtes, Marge Holman



A lot of young DAC members stepped up to the plate. First timers Ethan Steiner, Margi Scholtes, Tom MacEachern all performed commendably. Tom blitzed through  his match 3-0, Ethan scored a 3-1 win over a tricky veteran, and Margi lost 3-1 to the clever Marge Holman, who once again proved that reading the play well nullifies speed and fitness effectively!

Come back of the day goes to Josh Slominski who found himself in a deep 0-2 hole against James Konrad but managed to keep his head in tact (and his racquet!) to regain control of the match. Given, James had already played the doubles match, but as I always say, “if you’re on the court you’re fair game”, and Josh wore James down to claim the 5-set victory.

Justin Jacobs went toe-to-toe went Dan Petoran as the players exchanged games all the way to the fifth game. Fitness helped push Justin to the finishing line and he took the tough 3-2 win. Dave Devine started off his match struggling to get anything going and went down rather quickly in game one. But it is amazing what a little better length can do for your game. Dave started to hit the back corners with more regularity and the match turned immediately. He swept the next 3 games for a well played 3-1 triumph.

 

Jody Brown and Derek Aguirre



The final match of the day featured Derek Aguirre and Jody Brown. The contest was a little bit scrappy – but certainly entertaining. Jody runs his backside off and on occasion launches himself horizontally when desperate. It can be difficult to find a comfortable rhythm when your opponent is throwing his body around and Derek grappled to find consistent tightness and was more prone to unforced errors. When somebody is continuously retrieving your “winning” shots, the tendency is to try to hit the ball even closer to the tin. With usually bad outcomes. Jody ended up a 3-2 victor.

 

As you can see from the scores, the contests were tough. The DAC retains the trophy 10 matches to 6. Three in a row is more a trend, is it not? We can now walk around with our heads up high, boast a little, certainly give our Windsor friends some much deserved lip, and see if they can reach the height of the bar we have clearly raised it to! The next Cross Border is scheduled for September in Windsor.

SQUASH SHOTS XV

Creatures of the Squash Universe – Part 2

(See Part 1 here.)

Returning from my treacherous almost-2-year trek, I have been able to unearth more fascinating organisms to tantalize the mind and fascinate the senses. Their one thing in common is their peculiarity, whether placid or deadly, all show unique traits never before understood or revealed. Until now…

Complimentius ad Nauseum 

Glass half full? This beast’s glass is overflowing. No matter what the situation entails, whether it is winning or losing, playing well or poorly, nothing rattles it’s cage. It showers their opponents with abundant praise for every shot, rally, effort, and even mistake. Winning is certainly not a priority and how this animal hasn’t gone the way of the dinosaur is another one of life’s enigmas. Theorists speculate they since they are so repulsively friendly, they spark sympathy and are rewarded with mercy. Other hypotheses advocate it is in reality an abnormally clever attack sequence. By actually lulling its prey into a false sense of security, it can then pounce in for the kill. However, no one can claim witness to such an act.

Racquetus Whackus Disintegratii

Squash can frustrate the best of us, and taking out ones anger on inanimate objects can be a satisfying and soothing solution. However, most are able to control that urge. Racquetus Whackus Disintegratii cannot. Never totally satisfied with its performance, any error, any lucky shot by its opponent, any referee call, can ignite this brute into an uncontrollable rage. Not much is needed to initiate the obliteration of its racquet. Although belting it unmercifully against the floor or walls is the most common form of demolition, seeing it fly at light-speed from one end of the court to the other is not unheard of. Once it has reached this level of fury, its enemies smell blood and dispatching him becomes a straightforward process. Some Racquetus Whackus Disintegratii are able to mutate into more placid creatures like Complimentius ad Nauseum but only when their escapades threaten their financial livelihood.

Mathematiclus Challengeum

By all accounts, this animal is about as normal as you can find. It is not overly violent and does not project any obvious threatening attributes. However, Mathematiclus Challengeum’s claim to fame here is the very subtle – but effective – score change. Timing is everything when one is fighting for survival and this creature is at its deadliest when the match is strenuous, long, and particularly exhausting. When it’s victim least expects it, usually after a lung-bursting rally, the beast will announce the score but either add one point to its own total, or taking one off its opponents. With a quick serve to nullify any counter-attack, the strike has been made and very often the victim is not even aware it has been bitten. The method is used multiple times in one match so even if only half the attacks are successful, it still gains an advantage.

Fashionista Ridiculii

This is one of the more irrational organisms I came across in the study. When one submerses themselves into the gladiatorial arena of the squash court, with the expectation that severe physical exertion will occur and blood will be spilled, how one looks should be the last thing on one’s mind. Standard of play is irrelevant here; this being pops up at all levels. It is incredibly easy to distinguish by its trendy clothing, well-known brand names, and matching color all the way from the shoes to the headband to the racquet strings and grip. Much time is spent (wasted) before the match starts to make sure everything is in place, every hair is combed properly, stripes are matches up, and any fashion faux pas are avoided. Even during the matches, it will constantly look at its reflection in the glass wall and adjust and correct any deviations from its perception of fashion perfection. It is important to take note, however, that Fashionista Ridiculii are all males. How they multiply is unknown, but the hypothesis is that they adopt offspring of other species and assimilate them. The equivalent females of this species are anything but ridiculous when kitted out in the same manner and are classified as Eyepoppingus Sweetcandium. They have never been known to mate with Fashionista Ridiculii.

Helicopterus Guilloteenum

One of the more dangerous predators in the squash cosmos. Entirely unpredictable, one has to be on alert at all times if you ever cross paths with one. Helicopterus Guilloteenum’s number one weapon is its capacity to expand its wingspan to almost unfathomable lengths at a blitzing speed. Victims constantly find themselves ducking out of the way and even hitting the floor in order to avoid the thrashing blades and in turn are left utterly defenseless. The wearing of eye-guards for protection here is totally inadequate as one needs full Kevlar body armor with matching helmet. So treacherous are these creatures there are orders to shoot on site if spotted at a professional event.

Selfoverratem Doublesii

A conniving animal and somewhat irritating to its peers, Selfoverratem Doublesii lacks the ability to look at itself in the mirror. It simply cannot accept the fact that their perceived strength is nowhere near their actual strength. At every opportunity, it will enter into battlegrounds where it is obvious to everyone (except itself) it is categorically out of its depth. It is in essence a shrewd strategy since they always pair themselves up with a stronger partner and any loss is immediately blamed on them. Victories are distastefully then bragged about even though they only occur in spite of their lack of skill rather than because of it. These life forms are seldom seen on the singles court since they have no one they can heap the fault onto when they lose. To amplify aggravation levels, during tournament season Selfoverratem Doublesii will undergo a metamorphosis and transform itself into Selfunderratem Doublesii and only beat up on lesser adversaries. This is commonly known as “sandbagging”.

Protestum Neverendus

Competitiveness is profoundly ingrained with this one. This life form can be found at all levels, but the percentages of them increase as you move up the rankings. Once they have tasted some form of success, an uncontrollable addictive chemical reaction takes place in their brains and no argument is too petty to tackle. Sometimes confused with Letcallum Perpetuum, it does not however ask for interference at every opportunity, Protestum Neverendus will simply argue about interference at every opportunity, often violently – no matter how illogical their reasoning is. It is because of these creatures that the myths of the squash rules exist, since they will simply invent stuff up to justify their case. Curiously, off the court it immediately camouflages into the background giving the innocent bystanders no idea of its true identity.

It has been an exhausting adventure. Filled with dangers and wonders it indisputably keeps the universe of squash enthralling and captivating. There are no doubt more species yet to be discovered, maybe sometime in the future these too will be exposed.

KEEP YOUR GAME HOT

There are 168 hours in the week. Of that, if you’re like me and need at least 8 hours of beauty sleep every night (not that it helps), that leaves 112 waking hours. I’ll give you a few hours a week where you no doubt want to putz around a golf course attempting to emulate Tiger Woods, Phil Mickleson or that new(ish) young Scot on the block Rory McIlroy, or maybe even Happy Gilmour, so I’ll knock off a few hours and should leave you with about 95 give or take. Add on BBQ’s, watching a few Tiger’s games, we’ll drop it down to a generous 80. We all work (kind of) so for a summer week, we’ll average 40 hours which leaves you another 40. So much time and you need to fill it with something, right??

Squash! All I’m asking is one hour per week of your time. Just one. Not even that. And, in fact, I’ll give you a couple of weeks off now and then. Summer League squash is bearing down on us. You know what the worst thing you can do for your squash between now and next season? Not play. Everything will suffer. Your touch, timing, fitness, waistline. So don’t waste all of your winter squash work –

The Summer League is scheduled for Monday evenings starting on May 13 – take note of the following important points:

• All levels are invited to play. Beginner through advanced.
• I will be putting the teams together. There will be 8 teams.
• 64 players required. If I receive 72 registrations, I will expand it.
• The season will be 7 weeks long, plus 2 weeks of finals.
• The top 4 teams will advance to the finals.
• Season ends on July 22

Registration deadline is May 3 – or until it is full. Don’t be left in the cold… errr, heat.

VALIANT DAC PERFORMANCE

McQueenie Cup Apr 12-14

The odds were against us from the very beginning. Mainly because we were going into the 4^th McQueenie Cup competition one man short. With the format of the event, having a 7-man team as opposed to an 8-man one makes it almost impossible to win. Even though our representation in the B, C and D level was rather sound, we lacked an A player. No offense intended to Eric Green who was a real trooper and “took one for the team” as he agreed to step into that level as our sole ambassador even though he should have been playing in the B’s. We needed bodies on the court and he obliged.

This event is hosted by the impressive University Club of Chicago (UCC). Their court center is 11 stories up overlooking Lake Michigan. Needless to say, the surroundings were very comfortable. It’s an ideal location because, simply put, it’s Chicago. The easy – if not mind-numbingly boring – 4 hour drive away was made a little more interesting with the company involved, and the slick driving skills of Brien-there’s-plenty-of-room-to overtake-Baker.

The drawback of having to play in Chicago is that they get automatic home-court advantage. The UCC have a remarkably deep pool of players to choose from. Considering they didn’t have to travel, most of them were no doubt readily available. They were strong – very strong – at all four levels. Seeing that no other club really had a shot of winning, my main focus then turned to beating Toledo. They had eight players. It would be great to end up second with only seven. Could we do it?

The fourth competing club was the Union League Club of Chicago (ULC). Unfortunately they could only field a six man team – so they certainly had no shot of claiming the trophy. 



Eric Green and Jeff Sawin



I’ll start with Eric. As I mentioned, he was stepping up a level and on top of that was the only player in the event that had to play 4 matches instead of just 3. The A draw was a five-man round robin, but players from the same club were not to play each other.  Furthermore, he was scheduled to play the UCC number one player, Jeff Sawin, first up. It was a tough way to kick off, Jeff frolicked through the entire event winning every match 3-0 playing virtually at half pace.

But Eric improved with every match. His second encounter was against Toledo’s Nick DeMarco. Nick was also stepping up to the A level from the B’s so this match-up was a lot more competitive. An awkward style, Nick plays a lot of short-swinged “pushy” drop shots that continuously stretched Eric to the front of the court. It was one of the best matches of the weekend as they went toe-to-toe for 5 games with Nick eventually squeezing out the final game 12-10. Two more matches on the Saturday, Eric went down 3-0 in both, but made his opponents sweat it out. If he wasn’t already sore from Friday’s battles, this certainly would have him figuring out a new way to walk. A special thank-you to Eric – great warrior spirit!

The B draw was the closest of the weekend. We could easily have had 2 finalists here, a couple of points either way could have made the difference. Anthony Fracchia drew UCC player Matt Singer first round and we were in for another grand hour of squash. Anthony’s undoing in the end was unforced errors. Not too many, but more than his opponent’s!  It was by no means a bad loss – it would have been an excellent win – but the 2-3 loss pushed him to the consolation side of the draw. He won his next match 3-1 and then for the 5^th and 6^th play-off he played Fateh Ahmed from Toledo. Fateh received a forfeit for his previous match, and was clearly fresher than Anthony. And it proved to be the deciding factor as Anthony suffered through another 5-set loss. He ended up 6^th.

Derek Aguirre won his first match 3-1 to advance to the semi final where he played the other UCC representative Shubham Bansal in what turned out to be another epic battle. And somewhat bizarre. Shubham started off the match playing perfect squash. Error free. He won the first game 11-0 with Derek not quite finding his rhythm or touch. And it continued on for the second. Shubham was 5-0 up before Derek won his first point. At that point I had to laugh because when Shubham lost his first rally after winning the first 16, he got angry at himself. Did he really expect to win 33-0? That tiny crack in the armor was all it took. The game changed. Unforced errors started to roll off Shubham’s racquet and Derek won the 2^nd and 3^rd. A more even match evolved at the start of the fourth and Shubham steadied the sinking ship. Great long rallies. Desperate retrievals. The fifth game was inevitable and frankly the match deserved to have one. Both players also deserved to win, but we all know that can’t happen. At least we had a tie-break. Match-balls were earned and saved on both sides before Derek fell just short at 14-12. The loss put him into a match for 3^rd place, a match he lost 3-1 to ULC’s Milan Krakta. Energy may have had something to do with that.

Our most successful showing was in the C draw. Paul Ward stormed through his first 2 matches 3-1 appearing to gather rhythm and confidence with each outing. In the final he met up with Rutwik Kharker from the UCC (where else?) who could hit a mean ball with significant power. Paul’s game plan was to simply keep the ball in play. Don’t be fancy because Rutwik also had the tendency to go for winners and tin out. After losing the first, Paul’s tactic almost paid off. He worked very hard in the 2^nd and 3^rd taking them both to a tie-break. Unfortunately he lost them both.

Brien Baker lost to Rutwik in the semi final 3-1 after winning round 1 also in 4 games. Another too-many-unforced-errors result Brien couldn’t find the right balance of good length and the attacking volley after executing that tactic well in the first game. He then moved onto the 3^rd / 4^th play-off where his take no prisoner attitude against Toledo’s Neil Garrison saw Brien stomp all over him 3-0.

In the D draw, Elliot Shafer lost his first round to UCC Chris Nazaruk. The match could have easily been mistaken for a C match, quality squash was on display from both players. A little lack of experience from Elliot cost him but it was a great performance. Some impatience, knowing when to play that defensive length, Elliot will find events like this invaluable for his squash. He lost 3-1 to drop to the consolation where he won his next match 3-0 and the 5^th / 6^th play-off 3-2.

Sante Fratarcangeli was the fashion highlight of the event when he rocked up on Saturday morning with extremely deafening pink shorts. The shorts regrettably didn’t seem to faze his more experienced opponent Wade Judge (UCC). We all know Sante is competitive, this guy is in the same boat. Very clever player – great defensive strokes with slow, high rails that die in the back, surprisingly fleet of foot for someone of his veteran skill, and obviously reads the ball well. Sante was in for a tough one. I’m not sure who gets the prize for the loudest battle cry during the match, but Wade ended up with the spoils of all 3 games. The match was closer than the 3-0 suggested. For the record, Wade also won the final. Sante rebounded from that loss to take the 3^rd / 4^th play-off match 3-1.

Clearly, UCC won. Six of their 8 players reached the final of their division. The DAC and Toledo were playing for second place. It was close. Oh, so close. We could taste it. Feel it. Smell it. But it wasn’t to be.

Final scores:

1. UCC – 160 points
2. Toledo – 104
3. DAC – 102
4. ULC – 70

2 points!! It was an admirable effort. I am very proud of all seven players. Everyone put in 100% and we cannot ask for more than that. Everyone supported each other. And everybody socialized… as you should when one is in Chicago.

I believe next year’s event will also be in Chicago (hopefully). I don’t know the exact weekend, but sometime in April. Even if you are not part of the 8-man team, this would be a great road-trip to join us.


Left to right: Brien Baker, Elliot Shafer, me, Sante Fratarcangeli,
Derek Aguirre, Paul Ward, Eric Green



AS SMOOTH AS BUTTER… WITH NUTZ

Boasters League final~~

Carrying on from the first two weeks of play-offs, the final was also nip-and-tuck the whole way. No clear winner could be declared until the final two matches of the season. “Butter Nutz” and “Vivio’s” were the last teams standing, 21 weeks since the season began back in October.

The all important bonus point played a vital role in keeping “Vivio’s” alive. They picked up 11 of them, including two from team members that had their matches rearranged – (that’s great support) where “Butter Nutz” collected only 9. For a final, that’s relatively low. Would it cost them?

It all started well for the “Butter Nutz”. Two matches were completed before the scheduled Wednesday, and they won them both. Kevin Prather handled Matthew Nichols 3-0 and Drew Creamer out-experienced Brian Schrage for a 2-1 win. 

Andrew's beer was too powerful for Tom's salad!



The first match on Wednesday was between Andrew Tignanelli (“Butter Nutz”) and Tom Delaney (“Vivio’s”). The two were having a back-and-forth battle, until a waitress bought over a plate of fruit salad which abruptly stopped play for Tom’s attack of the munchies. A few quick bites and back on court he went. Also re-fueling between games, Tom almost pulled out the victory, but alas he was a couple slices of melon too short. He lost 2-1.

Getting “Vivio’s” back on track was Brian Bartes as he tackled Brittany Paquette. Brian has been working hard on his game over the past few months taking many lessons and recently his results have reflected that. Brittany had a difficult task ahead of her although she did take a game from him earlier in the month, so she was capable of pulling out a win. Brian, however, made Brittany cover a lot of court and had her breathing hard late in the games, which as we all know is not a favorable position to be in. Brian took all 3 games.

Nullifying Brian’s win and coming up trumps for “Butter Nutz” was Chuck Doyle as he chopped down the furious effort from Joe Schaden who almost injured himself in the third game as he chased one of Chuck’s balls into the front corner. It was a handy 3-0 win and kept the “Butter Nutz” a couple of points clear.

The strangest match of the evening was between Josh Slominski (“Butter Nutz”) and Shail Arora (“Vivio’s”). It was odd in the fact that it was an on-again-off-again-on-again contest that originally wasn’t going to happen at all, then started with one game, was interrupted for a doubles match that Shail had to play for the Club Champs, and then completed for the last 2 games afterwards. Josh took the first before the break. Maybe the wait caused Josh to lose all momentum and rhythm since Shail took games 2 and 3 even though he had stepped straight off the doubles court.



Captains Rich and Sante



 “Butter Nutz” captain Sante Fratarcangeli and Jay Poplawski certainly had the most intense contest of the evening. Both players were not willing to give even a smidge of an inch, and actually the squash was rather good. Hard rallies, tough running, a few controversial let calls, tight result, the crowd pretty much received the gambit of entertainment with this one. Sante pulled it out in the end with a 2-1 victory.

“Vivio’s” captain Rich Stimson also led by example as he took on Mike Petix. I watched a good portion of this match and even though I did expect a few rallies in the front corners, I didn’t think there would be so many. At every opportunity, drops were being played (and at times when the opening wasn’t there!) and because of that, quite a number of unforced errors materialized. Both played a similar tactic and Rich proved to be the steadier of the two on the day and snatched a 2-1 win.



Bumble bees Andy Adamo
and Brien Baker

Maybe the biggest surprise result of the evening came from Andy Adamo (“Butter Nutz”). I have always thought he is capable of beating anyone – in this case Brien Baker. Brien has been playing well of late so I did think he was favored to win, but when Andy steps up – as he did here – predictions go flying out the window. Andy placed the ball delicately and smartly into the corners and made Brien cover the floor extensively. Even with Brien’s reach and propensity to hit uncharacteristic angles, Andy was up to the task. When he moves freely, he’s tough. And he was too tough for Brien. Andy took it 2-1.

We had to wait for Thursday for the next two 2 matches to be played. By this stage, “Butter Nutz” had a 3 point lead. They needed to win outright – a tie was no good to them as they had lost the bonus point battle. In this case it was advantage “Butter Nutz” as well. Both Xander Wagner and Mike Reno had beaten their opponents last time they met. Could they do it again? Xander could – he charged to a 3-0 win over Bill Rivard but Peter Ulbrich cancelled that result out. Taking revenge on Mike’s 2-1 victory over him earlier in the season, Peter’s timing was spot on as he scored his 3-0 win of the season – leaving “Butter Nutz” once again with a 3 point lead and one match to play.



That match was put on hold. Unfortunate circumstances forced everyone to keep waiting – over a week – which is why this article wasn’t posted earlier! The scenario was that “Vivio’s” player Matt Turnbull had to beat Chris Moyer 3-0 in order for his team to win. A tough ask- Chris has improved significantly over the past few months and in fact had not lost a match all season. But he still had to perform when it counted. He did. Chris took the match 2-1 and secured the Boasters League title for the “Butter Nutz”! So another season comes to an end. But only for a short while.

Summer League is just a few weeks away – make sure you sign up and keep your squash game in tact for the warmer months.