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THE SQUASH JOINT

Are you addicted to squash?



Friday, March 10, 2017

CLOSER THAN EXPECTED



Boasters League Quarter Finals~~

Funny how the finals come around and suddenly Wednesday night squash turns into a priority. Of the 34 scheduled matches, 31 of them were decided before Thursday morning. Of course I couldn’t be happier (unless all 34 were played!) but I can’t help but wonder what the season would look like if this level of enthusiasm was portrayed every single week. It’s kind of like play-off hockey. Go through the motions during the home and away, then turn into ‘beast-mode’ once the finals start! Each team required one sub, so no-harm-no-foul on that level, but did bonus points make a difference..?

Vivio’s v Nicker Ballers
As mentioned last week in the report, Vivio’s beat the Nicker Ballers during the season. Save for a couple of results, the score lines came back identical as what they did in round 4. The stand-outs were Peter Huthwaite (Nicker Ballers) avenging his 3-0 loss to Fred Minturn (Vivio’s) with a complete reversal for a 3-0 win this time around, Peter Fromm (Nicker Ballers) salvaging 1 game instead of none against Gina Greer (Vivio’s), and Jeff Frost (Nicker Ballers) taking all 3 games against Mike Rock (Vivio’s) going one better than the 2-1 win weeks ago.

The difference overall favored the Nicker Ballers, and at the end of the evening, they held what appeared to be an unassailable lead, even though 2 matches were yet to be played – one of which was not going to get done anyway. Most people left the building with the knowledge that Vivio’s season was at an end and the Nicker Ballers were set to live another day. But Vivio’s captain Rich Stimson is as stubborn as his red hair suggests he is, and in a show of what can happen if you are dedicated enough, Rich pulled out his cell phone in a desperate and defiant act of ignoring all club house rules, and threatened life and limb to the players in his team that still needed to come to the DAC to pick up their bonus points. And, whether it was the fear of having to live looking constantly over one’s shoulder for a ginger-haired attacker, or whether it was promises of free drinks and cigars (no doubt the former), it worked! And what seemed a dead and buried result, by Thursday morning, they were, remarkably, within reach.

Unintended consequence was that all the pressure was now mounted on the final match. Gus Ploss (Vivio’s) was left with the task of completing this highly improbable comeback with having to beat Drew Van Tongeren (Nicker Ballers) 3-0. And, it was definitely within the realm of possibility considering he had done exactly that in round 4. But pressure can be a double edged sword. Some people step up to the plate and exceed expectations, some collapse on the weight of their own doubts and end up a blubbery, dribbling wet sponge. There was nothing oozing from Gus’ pores on this occasion except the pheromones of a well-earned 3-0 victory. And that, as the saying goes, “was all she wrote”. Vivio’s come back from the precipice of death to win… 37-37 was the overall point score, but the tie-break bonus points get them through.

Next week they have to handle the Butter Nutz. Their round 5 encounter had Vivio’s winning 34-32. So no prediction here… exciting stuff!

Winky-Dinks v Foss Nation
I would have expected this result to be a little narrower, and for most of the evening, it was. It was only when the last couple of results rolled in that one team forged ahead. 16 of the 17 matches were completed here, and the Winky-Dinks also picked up 2 more bonus points that Foss Nation.

The biggest reversal result (from when these teams played in round 5) was captain Dane Fossee (Foss Nation) leading by example, taking care of business against Jordan Ellis (Winky-Dinks) with a 3-0 victory, making up for the earlier 3-0 loss. I was watching a little of the third game in this match, and while Dane did look in control for the most part, I was rather impressed at Jordan’s foot speed and his ability to cover the front corners so quickly.

John Perkins (Winky-Dinks) also got payback on his round 5 loss to Marc Topacio (Foss Nation) with a 2-1 win, which was then almost immediately nullified by James Stuntz (Foss Nation) who did the same turnaround trick to Justin Winkelman (Winky-Dinks).

A number of these match-ups were a lot more completive than what they were those few ago – what were 3-0’s back then morphed into 2-1 results this time, but no team was taking any real advantage or step forward, both content to hold hands and dance across the finish line – it appeared – in a synchronized deadlocked entanglement. Then the last three results came back and the Winky-Dinks had decided to drop the charade and pull up the big-boy pants. Julie Vande Vusse wasted little time yanking up her drawers taking all 3 games as did Tad Lippincott and then finishing the job, stretching those pants to the breaking point, Dave DeCew was merciless taking his 3 games.

Winky-Dinks finished strong and Captain Winkelman can once again drill his team for another week, thankful for this 41-33 win, but pumping up his minions to take on the number 1 seeded Mongoose.  A team that Winky-Dinks will need to do better against than what they did round 7 where they were ceremoniously stuffed 39-27.

Friday, March 3, 2017

DOWN TO THE FINAL SIX



Boasters League final round~~

Well, I have to admit, I was quite impressed with the last week scramble to get boasters league matches in. Years past has yielded somewhat – and strangely – “lazy” attitude towards make-up matches, but this season it was the opposite. I only wish that this mindset was present from week 1, and not week 7 and a half. Just to give you an idea, just from last Wednesday, Vivio’s picked up 67 points, Butter Nutz 58 and Mongoose 50. In fact, the top six teams that advanced to the finals picked up at least 48 points.

The second half of the season is always less attended than the first half as we have to deal with school and winter breaks, and somebody always seems to be on vacation somewhere, but – thanks to the big push of the last 10 days or so – the stats for the half didn’t come out too badly…


  • Overall, 75% of matches were completed, actually pretty darn good and a lot better than I would have predicted just 2 weeks ago. (The first half had 85%.) That’s up from the second half last year (71%). 
  • Butter Nutz lead the charge with 85% of matches completed. 
  • Wardogs brings up the rear with 66% match completion. 
  • Mongoose had the best win percentage with 65% 
  • Space Geckos suffered with only a 35% win percentage. Despite playing 79% of matches, they miss the finals. 
  • The top 4 teams on the standings were the top 4 teams who picked up the most bonus points. Once again, this statistic should make you stand up and pay attention. 
  • 6 players did not pick up any bonus points at all… ! 
  • The team with the least bonus points? No prize if you guessed Wardogs. 
  • 12 players picked up all 8 bonus points. First half there were 18. 
  •  All 17 matches in any one round were completed just twice. 
  • 3 players played all 8 matches and went through undefeated: Dewey Steffen (Foss Nation); Tom Paglia (Butter Nutz) and Michael Craig (Nick at Night). Michael also scored the most points of the second half with 27. 
  • 29 players played all 8 of their matches. (First half had 44).


So now the business end of the league starts. Head to head results for the week are now the priority. The first quarter finals has Foss Nation v Winky-Dinks. These two teams played in round 5 with the Winky-Dinks having the skin of their nostrils in front 27-26. Understanding that 6 of those matches were not played at all, this one is a complete toss-up. Bonus points may play an important role… The other quarter final has Vivio’s against Nicker Ballers. Their round 4 result saw Vivio’s with a 6 point advantage 33-27. Only 2 matches were not played, so on paper it appears Vivio’s would be slight favorites. But, there is a reason we play the game, right?

Thursday, February 23, 2017

LAST CHANCE TO GET MATCHES IN



Boasters League round 8~~

Welcome to summer. In the middle of winter. Rather than digging my landing strip of a driveway out from under inches of snow multiple times a week, I should be cranking up the barbeque, donning the wife-beater, flip-flops and zinc-cream, and popping wobbly pops on my back porch. It doesn’t get this warm in Melbourne during the “cold” months of the year! Considering school is also out this week for the “winter” break (!), no wonder we had a very quiet night on the courts even though we are just 1 week away from the deadline…

Looking safe and sound for the first round bye for the finals are Mongoose and Butter Nutz. Space Geckos are 25 points back in 3rd place but their concern will be trying to stay in the top 6 as they have the last round bye. The 7th placed Nicker Ballers are only 15 points behind the Space Geckos and could easily overtake them. Nick at Night in 8th also have a decent shot of creeping into the top 6, but it looks like the Wardogs have conceded all hope. The next week should be interesting to see which teams can pick it up. Or it may be a case of hoping the other teams stay lazy.

I haven’t written a report on the league since round 5, and it’s obvious to see which team has made the most impact since: Mongoose. In the past 3 rounds, Mongoose has collected 108 points. The next best effort is Vivio’s – far behind with 72. Surprisingly, Winky-Dinks have fared the worst with only 34 points, and as such will have to put in a strong final week to keep their finals spot. As a side note, the top 4 teams (currently) also have the most bonus points…

There were not a lot of matches to pick from last night so we’ll have to refer to some other “highlights” for the evening. John Mann (Space Geckos) thought that being 11-7 up in the first game wasn’t dominating enough against Seth Helfman (Butter Nutz) so he thought a full blooded squash ball to the face would do the trick. Luckily for Seth, his eye-guards saved him from a lifetime of blindness, unluckily for John, poking the dragon was a dumb move. Seth came back to win the first game. Unluckily for Seth, maybe the blow did rattle him a little, and lucky for John, Seth’s racquet became faulty after finding the side wall 3 or 4 times between rallies – hard. John’s luck continued and he took the match 2-1.

Another eye-opener for the evening was the size of Ryan MacVoy’s club sandwich. How one can stuff so much turkey meat between 2 slices of bread is only something an American can do. I am not too sure how many birds died in making the meal, I know that Ryan took his sweet time consuming the thing, helped along by brother food-poacher Zac, (who has clearly had experience in these things before). An impressive feat, and something to take note of the next time I wish to feed my family for a week.


So stay tuned to see which 6 teams make the finals, which 3 teams can start polishing their golf clubs. March 2 (inclusive) is the deadline for all scores to come in, I will be sending out the finals schedule the morning of March 3. Please, please, please do not ask for an extension… don’t make me beg… please…