THE TOLEDO (PARTY) SQUASH CLASSIC

Two weeks after you have flushed all the beer from your veins from the DAC Classic, it is time to refill yourself with a weekend trip to Toledo! There is nothing like following up a long weekend playing squash and drinking with a long weekend playing squash and drinking. And it’s only an hour away. I’ll be hanging out all weekend working on my partying squash and be trying to out- drink play my opponents.

One of the biggest attractions of this event are the beer-servers on the Friday night. They do a magnificent job making sure you never see the bottom of your beer cup. I realize it’s a little sexist – after all, the models are for the guys – so for all the ladies who would like come, I am sure as the night wears on you could ask some of the male participants to serve you. They’ll be falling over themselves to accommodate. Word of warning though – careful what you wish for!

Since the main focus of the trip is drinking playing squash, there are numerous categories to choose from. All categories are mixed. The age groups: 40+; 50+; 60+. Levels: A (5.5 and up); B (4.5 – 5.5); C (3.5 – 4.5); D (2.5 – 3.5); Hardball singles A/B; and E/novice (self-explanatory!). I will be playing in the Open category, an invite 8-man event. The organizer – Jon Seidel – invites 8 pros out every year to complete for booze pride and more booze trophies. I must say, he is the ultimate host.

Now the catch. Their infamous courts. When you arrive at the Toledo Club, make sure you bring the following: A map. A compass. Extra food and water. A flare. Overnight provisions. A will. A GPS device. Deep in the dungeon of the Toledo Club you will find a keg 5 squash courts. People have been known to get lost and never seen again while on the search for these courts. (Rumors have it that that is really what happened to Rob Welsh, our long-lost member who played a couple of years ago and hasn’t been seen since.) I am sure there are a few skeletons in the closet throughout the bowels of the building (literally!). Best bet is to follow your senses – the smell of beer sound of the squash ball will get you there…

Once you find your way, the keg squash courts are those small white boxes lined up – you may think to yourself that you have grown a foot and half during your arduous downward trek, or you have ventured into the land of Lilliput, but that’s actually not the case. The Toledo courts are in fact smaller – 2 and a half feet narrower than what you will be used to. It’s an experience to play on – and a challenge you should relish. It will take a lot of booze practice to get comfortable, so make sure you stay drunk relaxed and enjoy the drinking squash.

Check out the poster for all the details – including special price on a tournament hotel which is less than 5 minutes from the club. So join me for a weekend of great social fun. It’s a perfect way to work on your squash drinking.