PLAYING SMART

“Timed-Handicap-Quiz-Team-Squash-Tournament” ~ Friday, July 11

We all play squash for the benefits the exercise gives our bodies. It makes us all look like professional athletes, chisels our muscles, makes us taller, gives us eternal life, and most importantly gives us the excuse to drink beer. While being a squash player certainly turns us into superior human beings physically, we really should be giving our brains a similar work-out too, tight? I mean, what good are we parading around like Gods and Goddesses if we can’t even spell out names correctly?

So, to force the machinery inside your skulls to get up to speed, we have a unique tournament format that will test not only your on-court squash competency, but your aptitude dexterity as well. I for one spend time on weekends on my daughter’s i-Pad practicing my thinking processes by figuring out how to maneuver Dave the Minion through the streets of Gru’s neighborhood picking up bananas and not crashing into obstacles. It’s difficult, you know, I can’t let my guard down for a second…

The squash portion of the event is the easiest. There will be 2 teams. I will match you up with a player of similar ability and you play one non-stop game for 20 minutes straight. That’s right, you are not allowed to hop off court for a drink, rest, a towel-down, a chat, to send a text message, check your facebook account, or play a game of “Despicable Me” on your i-Pad. Your task is to simply accumulate as many points as possible. If I cannot find an opponent of the same standard, I will give out a handicap to even it up.

Once all the squash is completed, each team will then sit down together to answer a quiz that I have expertly put together. The quiz is in 3 parts: DAC knowledge; Squash knowledge (international); and basic general knowledge. Each correct answer in the quiz will be worth a certain amount of points.

Then, adding together the squash and quiz totals, we should be able to determine the winning team. Keep in mind that the highest squash point total will be discarded in order to even it out in case of any blow-outs.

Simple enough? Remember, as always, a keg will be available to help you lubricate your bodies and keep them the fine tuned organisms you have trained them to be. There must be a minimum of 16 players registered to run the event. Registration deadline is July 7.