The “Mickies”
Awards for 2016
Congratulations to you all! The 2016 squash
program has broken all court usage records, broken the amount of kegs consumed
in one year, broken the record of how many racquets were destroyed, and broke
your squash pro for a number of weeks as well. Thankfully our back-up pro took
up the slack like the trooper he is, although one must question his sanity
after having a full season of handball leagues behind him as well.
So it’s that special time of year when we all
reflect back on our achievements for the past 12 months, and I can
unceremoniously cause some mental discomfort to those who have made the 2016
cut for the utterly valueless “Mickies” Awards. Please make sure you seek out
this year’s winners and salute their dedication to the cause.
The “Upset of the Year” award goes to…
George Kordas and John (JR) Rakolta!
There were 3 major upsets in world news for
2016. First, Brexit shocked the European Union with Great Britain choosing to
remove itself from their mainland neighbors, then Donald Trump bamboozled all
of humanity proving you can literally say anything and insult anyone you like
and still win the Presidency. But those two events were a far cry compared to
who won the 2016 DAC Doubles Club Championships. On the way to the title,
George and JR knocked off the multiple winners Kirk Haggarty and Mike Eugenio -
but that was no flash in the pan! During the final, JR literally put his body
on the line, receiving a racquet flush in the chin that required medical
attention and stitches, and then a ball in the backside later on that still
hasn’t been located since. A historic win, JR wasn’t again seen on court again
until last week as he left for a celebratory tour around the country.
The “Ayrton Senna” award goes to… Vikram
Chopra!
You want speed? Vikram’s racquet head speed
is impressive enough as he waves it around before every shot like a Musketeer,
then whipping it around and cracking the ball harder than most. But his ‘need
for speed’ is mostly satiated with this very unique roadster of his that looks
like a Formula One racing car. Called an “Ariel Atom”, Vikram took this baby to
London, Ontario, for our annual summer doubles day with their members.
The “Photo-Bomb” award goes to… Bob
Rogers!
The women’s squash contingent has been
steadily increasing this year. I always say, with more women playing, we’d have
more men. I had the perfect photo-op with 4 of our attractive female players
when who else but Bob Rogers decided to pop up behind the scene and spoil the
beautification. So incensed with his action, the club banished him to somewhere
in the Carolinas where he can better study gender equality. Bob is still
playing squash down there but dearly misses the DAC and is no doubt dreaming of
his past better squash times. Bob was a big help with that record breaking keg
consumption.
In all seriousness, we do miss Bob who was a
great supporter of the program and was a constant tester of the solidity of our
court walls.
The “Most
Hideously Beautiful Sweater”
award goes to… Patrick Petz!
