Friday, December 30, 2016


The Mickies” Awards for 2016

Congratulations to you all! The 2016 squash program has broken all court usage records, broken the amount of kegs consumed in one year, broken the record of how many racquets were destroyed, and broke your squash pro for a number of weeks as well. Thankfully our back-up pro took up the slack like the trooper he is, although one must question his sanity after having a full season of handball leagues behind him as well.

So it’s that special time of year when we all reflect back on our achievements for the past 12 months, and I can unceremoniously cause some mental discomfort to those who have made the 2016 cut for the utterly valueless “Mickies” Awards. Please make sure you seek out this year’s winners and salute their dedication to the cause.

The “Upset of the Year” award goes to… George Kordas and John (JR) Rakolta!

There were 3 major upsets in world news for 2016. First, Brexit shocked the European Union with Great Britain choosing to remove itself from their mainland neighbors, then Donald Trump bamboozled all of humanity proving you can literally say anything and insult anyone you like and still win the Presidency. But those two events were a far cry compared to who won the 2016 DAC Doubles Club Championships. On the way to the title, George and JR knocked off the multiple winners Kirk Haggarty and Mike Eugenio - but that was no flash in the pan! During the final, JR literally put his body on the line, receiving a racquet flush in the chin that required medical attention and stitches, and then a ball in the backside later on that still hasn’t been located since. A historic win, JR wasn’t again seen on court again until last week as he left for a celebratory tour around the country.
The “Ayrton Senna” award goes to… Vikram Chopra!

You want speed? Vikram’s racquet head speed is impressive enough as he waves it around before every shot like a Musketeer, then whipping it around and cracking the ball harder than most. But his ‘need for speed’ is mostly satiated with this very unique roadster of his that looks like a Formula One racing car. Called an “Ariel Atom”, Vikram took this baby to London, Ontario, for our annual summer doubles day with their members.
I politely declined the offer to ride with him, I wasn’t in a death-defying mood at the time. When we had pulled out onto the highway in our ‘normal’ vehicle, Vikram was already half way to London with Greg Rivard in the passenger seat, clenching his lower cheeks and doing his best not to lose the skin off his face. Vikram was not happy having to clean that seat when they arrived.
The “Photo-Bomb” award goes to… Bob Rogers!

The women’s squash contingent has been steadily increasing this year. I always say, with more women playing, we’d have more men. I had the perfect photo-op with 4 of our attractive female players when who else but Bob Rogers decided to pop up behind the scene and spoil the beautification. So incensed with his action, the club banished him to somewhere in the Carolinas where he can better study gender equality. Bob is still playing squash down there but dearly misses the DAC and is no doubt dreaming of his past better squash times. Bob was a big help with that record breaking keg consumption.

In all seriousness, we do miss Bob who was a great supporter of the program and was a constant tester of the solidity of our court walls. 

The “Most Hideously Beautiful Sweater” award goes to… Patrick Petz!
When it comes to colorful fashion, Patrick Petz is no stranger. Shame and embarrassment is not part of his world, Patrick is ready to display anything and everything, rivaling even the most flamboyant ensembles from our good friend Sante Fratarcangeli. Here we see Patrick in what looks like an ordinary pretentious Christmas sweater, but on closer inspection you will notice the couple of squash players posing with their racquets up high. Suddenly, what on the surface appears to be repulsive, turns into a work of art that every passionate squash player should have hanging proudly in their wardrobes. Patrick has once again led the way and earned another shout out for a “Mickies” award. 

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