Lapham-Grant
Tournament, Calgary, April 20-23, 2017
What an honor it was to be asked to represent the USA for
the second time in the historic Lapham-Grant Tournament against Canada. The
magnificent Glencoe Club in Calgary, was the main host for the weekend, a
generously sized facility that offered an array of activities from bowling to
tennis to ice-skating to climbing to badminton to swimming to… other stuff… and
of course – squash.
The city of Calgary boasts a relatively substantial squash
program (compared to Detroit, that wouldn’t be difficult!) with 16 listed clubs
coming up from my google search. The Glencoe has 6 singles and 1 doubles of the
cleanest, whitest walled courts I have ever seen. Absolutely spotless. Hats off
to their cleaning crew for preparing the center to such a degree, I’m surprised
some players didn’t require sunglasses.
The secondary host was the Bow Valley Club where I only
visited for a short time on the Sunday morning before my departure back to
Detroit. A distinguished establishment, cozy and inviting, also offering
singles and doubles squash, its smack in the middle of downtown and was only a
3 minute walk from our tournament hotel. Their walls weren’t quite as
unblemished, and their doubles court had the ceiling on the red line (so no lobbing!), but their bar was only 10 feet
from their singles courts. An unquestionable plus.
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| The Trophies |
Being invited was a thrill and I was determined not to let
the team down. The Lapham Grant is actually spread over 4 events, each one with
their own trophy and history. I was down to play in two of them. The “Lapham”
is for the men’s singles and the “Grant” is for men’s doubles. The other two I
don’t qualify for: The “Lawrence Wilkins” is for the 65+, so I have another 20
years to wait there, and the “Crawford” is for the women, so unless I go all
Caitlyn Jenner on myself, I guess I’ll never qualify for that one.
I started my campaign on the doubles court on early Saturday
morning. Those who know me, know that doubles is not my forte, I do feel a
little like a fish out of water when I am not able to be in total control.
However, together with my very adept partner from Philadelphia, Will Greer, we
started out like superstars and – at least for the first 2 games – felt that
this wasn’t awkward or difficult after all. In fact, sign me up for the tour!
We were kickin’ it.
Then reality struck us with a 2-by-4 to the head. People
will look back on this with awe and shock. They will wonder how it happened,
question the validity, and in the end just shake their heads in bewilderment.
I am all for making the history books, and the fact that
Will and I were publically presented at the Saturday night black-tie function
as the receivers of this rare accomplishment – as we categorically deserved –
at least it will be remembered.
We lost the third game 15-0.
Yep. We were bageled. On the doubles court.
In fact, we lost the first 3 points of the 4th game as well,
so in total we were skunked 18-0. How we came so unglued was a mystery to say
the least, Will and I were clueless. It was almost comical in the end, and if
wasn’t for the fact that we actually ended up winning the match 15-5 in the 5th,
we probably wouldn’t be so outwardly laughing about it now.
Later that day, I as able to bring sanity back into my life,
feeling more at home on the singles court. I ended up playing against the same
fellow I played 2 years ago in this event – Strahan Jarvis from Toronto. And,
just like 2 years ago, I won 3-1. The world made sense again.
But, throwing me back on the doubles court for my third
match of the day, made me a tad nervous. I felt for my partner – Scott Fuller (New
York) – I’m sure he was worried I would drag him downwards into the vortex of infamy
as well. However, we meshed well together and we had little trouble taking the
match 3-0. My squash was now complete for the weekend, I happily stuffed my
doubles racquet deep into my squash bag hoping it would never be found again.
It was time to unwind.
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| Yasser El Halaby (NY), me, Alex Carter (Toronto), Will Gruner |
The Friday night function was western themed being that we
were in Calgary, so I gleefully donned my jeans that will never see the inside
of the DAC and (Calgary authentic!) cowboy boots for the occasion. Many a
conversation was had with many people I was meeting for the first time, sharing
a laugh and a drink, creating memories of a great time for many moons to come,
but finite details of which wouldn’t even last until the following morning. Shout
out to Darren Thomson (Calgary) for taking me to the bar for extra-curricular
activities and working vigorously on our techniques.
Saturday night was the black tie function and for the second
time since my wedding, I was a spitting image of James Bond (if he was 25 years
older, had less hair, was grey and wrinkly) in my perfect tuxedo. Horrible
memories of 2 years ago surfaced when my (then rented) tuxedo had a broken
bow-tie that I couldn’t wear and I stood out like a Sumo Wrestler at the
all-you-can-eat-buffet at a super-model convention, but thankfully after 20
minutes of mindless effort and then eventually asking for help, I managed to
attach the damn thing around my neck successfully.
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| Ian Sly (Cleveland), Jay Hatcher (Louisville), James Bond... ! |
But my cummerbund latch was faulty. For the first part of
the evening it held up okay, but as the night lingered and the music was
cranked up, the drinks flowing, it was touch and go. By the time the taxi
dropped us off at the bar again (thanks, Darren!) I noticed the thing was no
longer on my person. Jumping back into the departing cab, I frantically
searched for the item to no avail. I sauntered back to the bar rather annoyed
when I saw it lying in the middle of the car park. Joy! But did I mention it
was raining? Because it was raining. Of course it was now sopping wet, the
latch totally unusable. Crap! I nursed it the rest of the night, going over the
conversation I was going to have with Men’s Wearhouse when I got back to
Detroit. Hopefully it wouldn’t be the same worker who received my wrath after
the bow tie incident in 2015.
A huge thank you goes out to the USA captains for all their
tediously hard work putting everything together. Also to the Canadians who are
repugnantly kind and friendly, hospitality unbounded. Next year’s event is in
Chicago and I hope to be invited again.
