Monday, June 21, 2010

“Win-Some-&#%$-Timed-Handicap-Quiz” Team Squash Tournament

Wednesday, July 14
Play starts at 5.30pm.

It is said that physical activity helps and inspires the mind to be more active. It facilitates clearer thinking, which in my mind is saying it makes your smarter (nothing like making an absurd conclusion without the support of any facts what-so-ever). Based on the (incredible, but impressive) running I see on court from our members, I am deducing that you are all utter geniuses and have hyperactive grey matters which push the boundaries of known science. Let’s put my perfectly unflawed theory to the test.

Since you are all masterminds, this will be easy to follow. Firstly, you will be placed on to one of two teams. Then, I will match you up with someone of equal squash ability. If no one of equal squash ability is available, you will be matched up against someone of non-equal squash ability. But then I’ll throw in a handicap. Not make you wear a flippers or anything like that, just a point handicap. Then you will play a match of 20 minutes straight. With no rest. Or time-outs. I’ll keep time for you. Even though you are all super intelligent, I won’t make you count the seconds as you play. (The member who asked me a couple of years ago “how long is 20 minutes” is not allowed to enter. You know who you are. Clearly, you are destructive to my infallible theory.) You will however, need to keep your own score. Then, once all the matches have been played, each team will go off in their groups to complete a quiz. The quiz will be based on your familiarity of the DAC, international squash, and general knowledge. Each question on the quiz will be worth a certain amount of points. So far, so good? Keep in mind that a keg will be available and it is of course encouraged that you do your utmost to empty it. Now, rumors have it that drinking alcohol makes you dumber, but I have yet to prove that theory. (Personally, alcohol makes me stronger, more attractive, braver, which of course would positively influence my intelligence.)

Okay. Then, to calculate the scores, I will discard the highest squash point score on each team, add up the rest, which I will then add to the score of the team quiz. The members of the winning team will then be able to choose their prize from the &#%$ table. I have no idea as of yet what &#%$ will be on that table, I will be making a collection of &#%$ over the next couple of weeks to see what type of &#%$ departments want to get rid of. Never know, it might be nice &#%$.

Registration deadline is Monday, July 12. We need a minimum of 14 players to run this event, so please enter early. There is no entry fee. Another brilliant decision.


Alex Trebek said...

Awesome idea!!
I bet you didn't know that not only am I the host of Jeopardy, but also a Champion Squash Player!!!
This is predominately due to the fact I am a Canadian!

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