Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Can you really be addicted to a sport? Sure you can. I am. And have been for almost 35 years with no signs of slowing down. In fact, I think it gets worse. It appears the mysterious Squash Poet is also obsessed and I’m sure many members are too. This poem appeared on the Squashsite website a while back… enjoy...!

The cravings increase with each passing day
I just want a court and my racquet to play
My compulsion to run and chase after the ball
Like a hairy misguided Neanderthal
Is borderline lunacy – a disease admitted
I’m surprised I haven’t been detained and committed
But the one thing that’s strange and I can’t seem to reverse
Is that the more that I play, my standard gets worse!

The Squash Poet

Squash Addiction
(Sung to the tune of “Californication” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)

I’ve got nothing to explain
On how I have this bad affliction,
The rest of my pathetic life
I’ve given up to dereliction,
And the only way is I’ve fallen prey,
To a heavy Squash Addiction.

It’s got a lot do to with
The continuous pain infliction,
Run so hard and slow right down,
Is a physical contradiction,
I can’t get enough of this game so tough,
It’s a heavy Squash Addiction.

Pay your squash pro very well
To improve your racquet swinging,
The wrist you flick to hit that nick,
Will keep your rivals stinging,
The dream extreme,
Squash is supreme.

Get high on heavy Squash Addiction,
Get high on heavy Squash Addiction.

In 5 set games I have no shame,
And get on my knees for benediction,
I don’t really care if the devil’s aware,
And puts me up for crucifixion,
Cause I need to win, even if it’s a sin,
To have a heavy Squash Addiction.

If I’m tough to find, don’t be so blind,
Where I am is an easy prediction,
I’m hitting a thousand balls up and down the walls,
Concentrating with a real conviction,
It’s becoming worse, I can’t reverse,
This heavy Squash Addiction.

Through rain and snow I’ll watch the pros,
There will be no restriction
I need a shrink ‘cause I eat and drink,
Even with an interdiction,
The dream extreme,
Squash is supreme.


Everything to me outside the squash world
Is irrelevant and just fiction,
I must confide, I would suicide,
If the clubs gave me eternal eviction,
There’s no way to break, I just can’t shake,
My heavy Squash Addiction.

Practice all your good length shots,
It is the key to winning,
You’ll get the taste
And also embrace,
Your own addiction beginning.
The dream extreme,
Squash is supreme.


The Squash Poet

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