THE SQUASH POET # 7

If I had a dime for every member who complained about their opponent blocking, I’d be close to retirement. Blocking doesn’t just happen at the club level, it happens at the pro level too. There are some pros that have made into a fine art. One of the most affable players on tour is Egyptian Wael El Hindi but he is also renowned for testing the patience of the most experienced referees and players with his uncanny knack of somehow constantly getting in the way. Wael reached a career high number 8 in the world back in 2008, and bases himself in New York. The Squash Poet takes a tongue in cheek jab at him here. I am sure you can relate this to someone you know…

It’s really quite amazing and I don’t know why I do it

I run like a lunatic to get the ball, hit it, then just view it

Get back to the ‘T’ I was told, after every time you hit it

But all I do is watch and stare, with the running I just quit it.

So every time my opponent runs, and we have a collision

And once again the argument starts over what is the decision

A ‘let’ or ‘stroke’ we shout out loud and often it gets heated

And cause we’re dumb, the very next rally, the scene is just repeated.

Now the only reason I’m in the way, and in my true defense

It’s just too hard to run that fast, by backside is immense

So watching pros who are fit and lean and gifted with such speed

To block the path and cause those ‘lets’, there really is no need.

The Squash Poet

Block Control

(Sung to the tune of “It’s still Rock and Roll to me” by Billy Joel)

What’s the matter with the clothes you’re wearing?

Can’t you tell your shorts are way too long?

Maybe you should get some sleeves too, buddy,

You’re guns don’t look terribly strong,

Where have you been hiding out lately, Wael,

To clearing a path you continuously fail,
All you do is talk about it with the referee,

Funny, it’s still block control to me.

There’s nothing wrong with the swing you’re using,

It’s actually quite a nice style.

So why do you insist of getting in the way,

Can you count the amount of lets you compile?

Play the ball, keep your head, and stay a lot calmer,

Maybe then one day you would beat David Palmer,

Hip check, hit the deck, argue for another ‘let’,

It’s still block control to me.

Oh, all the reports I see that are ever written

Have always kept the same old theme,

It goes hand in hand

When on the court you stand, the amount of calls are so extreme…

It’s the opposite of your buddy Karim.

How about another blonde stripe mo-hawk,

To go with your silver chains?

You could really be a big clothes model,

Wearing Calvin Klein and drinking champagne,

But keep playing squash; you’re a talented world-beater,

And stick to your skills and not a constant point repeater,

Smash kill; stand still; another ‘let’ the same ol’ drill,

It’s still block control to me.

I recommend you also stop the histrionics,

You do not win points with the act,

Run hard, hit clean, open up a straight path,

Do all you can to avoid contact,

Keep yourself this focus it’s the best way to survive,

And hopefully soon you can reach your dream of top five,

It’s the new Wael, can’t fail, with the refs stay out of jail,

And stop the block control ple-eeze!

‘Let’ shark, back arch, typical Wael trade-mark

Just stop the block control ple-eeze!

The Squash Poet