THE GIFT OF SQUASH

Holiday Tournament – December 7

I love the Christmas Holiday period. My daughter of course loves it even more. The chance to open presents makes her giddy and she doesn’t care what’s in the wrapped paper, it’s the gift of receiving that she has hands down. In fact, she opens my wife’s and my presents too. I am sure you all enjoy this time of year just as much as my 6 year old, there is nothing more satisfying than opening a present from a relative you haven’t seen since Christmas the previous year and faking joy at the porcelain angel figurine that will never see the light of day. This Holiday period also means playing squash and drinking.

For the 9^th year in a row, the Holiday Tournament will once again take centre stage. Matches will start at 5pm on Friday, December 7. It’s a unique format where everybody will receive 4 matches. All matches are 2 games to 15 points, and all players – regardless of level – will be in the same draw. It’s a fantastic chance to play against someone you have never stepped on court with before. The first round is drawn from a hat so theoretically the best two players could play themselves. You get one point for every game you win, and the second round will be against someone who records the same first round result as you. And so forth. At the end of the four matches, we should have a rough order of ranking. If everything runs on time and smoothly, we should be done by 7.30pm – 8pm.

Now to the topic of gifts. Every entrant needs to bring a wrapped gift worth at least $20 as their entry fee. Once all the matches are completed, the players will be able to choose a gift in order of the final ranking. That way, everybody wins! Plus, as an added bonus, everyone will enjoy the gift of giving too!

Characteristically, most of the gifts are alcohol related. If you choose to go a different theme, however, take note on what is NOT allowed. Don’t turn any of the participants into Grinches!

1. Cash. While we all love the green, it’s inappropriate here. At least make an effort to buy something! (I, on the other hand, am more than happy to accept cash…)

2. Viagra. Yes, believe it or not, somebody gifted this wonder pill one year. For obvious reasons, drugs are unacceptable.

3. Muffins. While I like this treat myself, this item has earned its way on the list when Patrick Petz almost had a fit in 2005 opening a box of them and their condition was less than palatable. It appeared as if a rat had gnawed through most of them.

4. Potpourri. Come on. This is clearly a re-gift item. From your grandmother. Leave it at home!

5. Canary yellow DAC t-shirt. Clothing is difficult to give to someone. Size and color and style differ tremendously from person to person. I remember once my wife received a jacket from a relative that almost made her cry it was so hideous. I think we can all agree a canary yellow shirt is not a popular fashion choice for anyone – except for a canary. Or a banana.

Just a couple more things: We need a minimum 14 players to run the event with a maximum of 24. Registration deadline is Tuesday, December 4. And in case you are wondering, the greatest gift of all will be ready and waiting for you as matches get under way…. The KEG!