COME, ALL YE SQUASH FAITHFUL!

Holiday Tournament – December 5

Who doesn’t enjoy Christmas? I get to spend time with the family, see the joy on my child’s face as she opens her gifts, not have to stress about work… it’s the perfect scenario to relax. Of course – as all husbands get more aware of every year –the weeks leading up to the day aren’t as tranquil as we feel the pressure of searching for the right gift for our lovely wife.

I am sure many of you have been told by your better half: “Please don’t get me gift this year, really, I don’t need anything…” Which, for us experienced husbands means, “You better get me something better than last year and I’ve made it perfectly obvious over the past few months through subtle innuendo exactly what I want…?” If you’re like me, you’ve missed every single signal she has sent and have absolutely zero idea what she is talking about. I’m starting to sweat already.

Unfortunately, the solution isn’t as simple as what it is when buying a gift for the annual Holiday Tournament. If purchasing a bottle of booze for my wife was all it took for her to be happy and forgive my indiscretions, I’d be a daily regular at the local store and she’d be an alcoholic. But, as the past years have proven, all of our members couldn’t happier when opening their Holiday Tournament gift and find the alcohol content of the liquid inside is at least double digit. Puts a new meaning to the words “Christmas Spirit”.

On December 5, starting at 5pm, we will be running the 11^th annual Holiday Tournament. It is an event where you will get 4 matches (each match being 2 games of 15 points, or if we reach capacity registration we will play 3 games to 7 points) against a variety of opponents. No handicapping will be given out, and match-ups are drawn randomly. With such a format, it is no secret that the stronger players will end up on top, but it’s only a formality. ALL players who enter will receive a prize.

To play, you will need to bring a wrapped entry gift worth at least $20. Once the matches are completed, players will choose their gifts in the order of final ranking. Everybody wins!! Most of the gifts are alcohol related, which is the safe route, but if you are motivated to be creative and get something else, keep in mind what NOT to do:

• NO cash. That’s cheating.
• NO potpourri. That’s grandma-ish.
• NO muffins. That’s a memory Patrick Petz doesn’t want to revisit.
• NO canary yellow DAC t-shirts. That’s a horrible fashion faux pas.
• NO Viagra. That’s a drug.
• NO asking your squash pro to grab an item out of the sports shop and wrap it up for you one hour before the event starts. That’s just wrong… and lazy.

We can only take a maximum of 24 players, so register early. Registration deadline is Tuesday, December 2 – or until full. I encourage all levels of players to enter. Great experience!

So e-mail me your interest to play and while you’re at it, some ideas of what I could possibly be getting my wife as well…