Yes, you. From Across the river. We are talking to you. We are rather tired (and a little cheesed off) that the Cross Border Trophy is not in our possession. It is an insult to our club the way you have paraded around and slapped us silly at the last two encounters, puffed up your chests and blown raspberries in our faces, rubbing in the humiliation of defeat with a haughtiness unbefitting any civilized society. The fact that we would be doing the same thing to you if we had won has absolutely nothing to do with it!
We hereby challenge you (again) for the privilege – no, right – to the Cross Border Trophy. That tackiest of tacky holy grails of squash belongs on this side of the world, not way up north in freezing Windsor (or is it south?) where you continually send us your polar vortexes and try to pawn off poutine as a gourmet item. It has nothing on our Coney Dogs!
So, Mr. Smarty-Smelly-Pants-Windsorites. Pick your weapon of choice. What will it be? Snowballs? Wanna a snowball fight? Should we play tiddlywinks? No? Then squash it is. Polish your frames and be at the Detroit Athletic Club on Saturday April 11 no later than 2pm. And meet your destiny!!
If you - DAC member - also wish to polish your frames and challenge a player from Windsor Squash, then e-mail me your interest. We will do our best to match you up with a player of similar standard. You will play one match, best of 5 games and try to win for the good guys. (That’s us.) Then, you can drink from the keg and enjoy the rest of the competition. We need players in singles and doubles. Men and women. And, since you are representing not only the DAC but the US of A as well, patriotism is highly encouraged and we’d like to see as much red, white and blue as possible. There is no such thing as too tasteless, right Sante?