THE SQUASH POET #6

I am sure many of you will be able to connect to this! I am fully aware at how complicated learning the squash technique can be and the coordination required to do it smoothly and consistently. The Squash Poet feels that agony too. I wonder if these words bring back any nightmares you might have after lessons with me!

In my determination to improve
The logical choice was to take some lessons
But my money should have been spent
On a loaded “Smith and Wesson”.

From the outside it looks so easy
A gentle stroll from shot to shot
But the ball it moves so quickly
And my fat backside definitely cannot!

The technique has endless components
I can’t possibly remember them all
When I concentrate on any of it
I forget to hit the ball!

I’ve worked and sweat like never before
Never thought it could be so grueling
Even after the warm-ups
I was dribbling and drooling.

I now respect the game immensely
And the players who are the best
But amid all of my complaining
I have unquestionably progressed.

The Squash Poet


My Squash Lessons

I took a series of lessons with our hot new squash pro,
A star on the tour which was not long ago,
I was desperate to learn all the tricks of the trade,
My play has been awful for almost a decade.

How do I hit that ball always straight?
Why do my opponents always anticipate?
Teach me how to avoid hitting out,
And what on earth is a ‘corkscrew’ about?

So I took to the court expecting the best,
But it didn’t take long before I was really depressed,
I knew my game needed help all along,
But was every aspect of my technique so wrong?

On your toes, racquet up, watch the ball, to the ‘T’,
To hit it straight, hit in line with your front knee,
Not too close, not too far, turn your hips, face the wall,
Weight forward, perfect balance, but hang on! That’s not all!

Make sure you swing through but follow-through very straight,
Don’t turn your hips… Whoops! Too late!
Try it again, but keep your trunk very still,
Now repeat a thousand times to master this skill!

Just as I thought I was getting command,
He switches up sides and we start on my backhand,
The movement is the same – it’s a piece of cake!
Just make sure that your wrist doesn’t break!

Having a cocked wrist seems an impossible task,
And by now I’m wishing I bought my hip flask,
Run forwards, now backwards, now side-step and skip,
And while we’re at it, let us change up your grip!

The boasts and cross-courts have me completely perplexed,
Reading a ball off three walls appears terribly complex,
Don’t run to the corner, don’t scoop, bend your knees,
Turn your hips, racquet back, hit a boast if you please.

Head up, concentrate, get in front, then attack,
When you’re in trouble hit a lob, to the ‘T’ then comeback,
Hit it hard and then soft, hit fast and slow,
Take the volley, let it bounce, hit high and then low.

I took all this advice and worked hard on my game,
My hot new pro was right, my squash would never be the same,
I thought and I calculated, I concentrated and added,
But now the four walls that surround me are padded!

The Squash Poet